Writing a post about my birthday doesn’t hold the appeal that a post about my growing children. Cute photos and paragraphs about their new antics flow easily. This year is different somehow, maybe it is because I am closing in on 40. (Our secret, okay?!)
As my birthday came and went I have been contemplative. It seems half-way-ish, you know? I can’t hep but realize that life isn’t where I thought it would be. Now, that could be taken as a negative statement, but actually I am finding peace in the fact that my plans are not Gd’s plans. (I know, I know, a lesson that I am not Gd could have been mastered earlier in my life!)
Put my birthday together with a move back to Asia and you get a mish-mash of thoughts by an older Tammy who suddenly has realized that I am right where I want to be. Never pictured myself as a homeschooling mother of four and I wouldn’t have thought I would be living in a city of a million people…again. Yet here I am.
With all the imperfections that come along with it.
When I turned 28 I went out and chopped off all my hair. I mean really cut it off. I came home and shocked my sweet husband who swore he liked it. Still not sure about that. I kept thinking that I was almost 30 and I wanted to be and do something radical. Everyone told me that I looked like my mom with short hair. Not really what I was going for.
It has been ten more years. Not sure that I am really living some radical life and I guess I wouldn’t say that I have found the perfect job, location, or mission. But I am living my dream at thrity-achem (That was my attempt to spell a throat clear in case you didn’t catch that.) even if that dream doesn’t look like what I imagined as a college student or as a twenty something.
I am learning that no age, no situation is perfect, but Gd is in control. I can embrace that and make it my passion or pine for something else. Getting old enough to realize that if I don’t embrace what He is giving me then I am going to miss out on everything.
Celebrating another year by eating a crazy fancy Chinese birthday cake with fake peach filling. Excited that I am living out my dream in the center of Gd’s will for me…one day at a time.