Three years toward forever

adoptiondayI vividly recall waiting in a Chinese hotel room.  I had just jumped out of my skin when the phone rang telling us that our new daughter was in the lobby and on her way to our room.  I panicked trying to decide if I should hold the video camera, pull out a gift or just sit and stare at the door.  Those few moments felt like a lifetime.  I wanted to shout for joy, cry out of despair and throw-up from the mass amounts of emotion rushing through my body.  Those moments were just as painful and exhilarating as the birthing moments of my first two children.   Our family was about to be one more.  I held my breath.

Thinking back on that day brings tears even now, three years later.  My heart broke that day and grew to a capacity that I can not explain.  My Little Monkey pressed me into a better person able to love in ways I never knew possible – that is the miracle of adoption.

The nannies that brought her to me would not recognize the girl dancing through my kitchen today.  Her long hair flying behind her as she laughs and twirls teasingly away from her little brother.  I almost could forget that she hasn’t always been here. Gone are the sad haunting eyes.  She now is a six year old who loves life and ponders the meaning of everything.  Just recently she asked us “Could God make a fish that is to heavy for him to hold?”  Stunning.  That is all I can say about this girl and who she is becoming!

It might seem funny to celebrate the day she joined our family by going roller skating.   But a day hanging out as a family enjoying each other and just being thankful – perfect.  Well almost perfect.  As we chased each other, held on tight so we wouldn’t fall and teased Hubby for being so clumsy – I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing.

There is always an empty chair at our family celebrations…for the family we can not see but whom we are forever connected.  They are missing and my heart aches for them.  Somewhere there is a woman who must be hilarious, eager to help, beautiful and agile – where else would my sweet Little Monkey get these traits?  There is a man who is courageous, strong yet shy.  I see him in my little girl.  I even wonder about siblings.  I guess an empty chair isn’t enough…I feel like there is a roomful of people who are missing out on celebrating our girl.  Maybe some day…

IMG_6503For now, we celebrate what we know.  Three years.  Three amazing years.  Thankful for every moment and looking forward to the rest of forever.

Happy family day, Little Monkey!

2 thoughts on “Three years toward forever

  1. I recently had the privilege of meeting my birth mom. She said the main thing for her was wondering if she choose the right family for me. I know what it’s like from the adopted child perspective of randomly in the back of my mind wondering who my birth family was and if I had any siblings, but I truly believe Little Monkey’s birth family would be overwhelmed with how great a family she was brought into. You all are an inspiration. I’m so thankful you responded to God’s calling for adoption. More than once even. Miss you guys!

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