Family – Page 12 – Casting A Stone

10,000 reasons

Posted on April 26, 2013April 27, 2013 by Tammy

Our days have hit a gentle rhythm. They all end the same. As Little Man enters his room ready for bed he points to the ipod dock and says, “mucic pease.” I turn on his song and we dance in the dim light to his favorite, a song by Matt Redman. Amazing how this child only says a handful of sentences in English, yet he can ~~mumble~~ sing almost all of the words to this particular song.

Tonight as I swayed with a sleepy two year old in my arms, I was thankful that evening had come and I was still singing. Could there be a better way to the end the day? A few peaceful moments reflecting on my Savior and His goodness while holding one of my four biggest blessings.

Coincidence that Little Man is obsessed with this particular song? I wouldn’t slow down to dance and sing my daily praises without this little one prompting me. God knew I needed Little Man.

If I had a quarter for every time someone questioned us about our decision to adopt a child with special needs…..well, let’s just say I would be a very rich woman.

Them: “Why did you adopt?”

Me: “Jesus called me to draw closer to him.”

Not exactly the expected answer or even an answer that makes total sense….but truth none the less. God wanted to reveal Himself to me in a deeper way and adoption and my children were just the ways for Him to accomplish that aim in my life.

Bless the Lord, O my soul. O my soul
Worship His holy name. Sing like never before O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

You’re rich in love, and You’re slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

Bless the Lord, O my soul. O my soul
Worship His holy name. Sing like never before O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I’ll worship Your holy name. Lord, I’ll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before. O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name. Jesus, I’ll worship Your holy name
I’ll worship Your holy name

Fitting

Posted on April 21, 2013April 21, 2013 by Tammy

A thin man with a ponytail sat down across from Little Man pulled off his leg and said, “now your mom is the weird one in this room.” Little Man was impressed and turned to me and said, “shoe off!”

He refers to his prosthetic leg as “his shoe.” To him it is completely normal to pull it off at church, in the store or when playing at home and lately he hasn’t wanted to wear it at all. Now he has a new friend who also can pull his leg off on a whim. But this new friend didn’t just help Little Man feel normal. He helped in another way.

Little Man’s prosthetic leg and brace hasn’t been fitting well lately. It is amazing that gaining a few pounds and growing even a quarter inch can throw everything off. We are learning through every part of this process. I knew nothing about how prosthetic limbs work not to mention the importance of socks, sockets and the fit of an AFO (honestly sill not sure what that acronym stands for, but we have one!) I thought we were headed down the road to Shriner’s again and a month filled with multiple long road trips, juggling kids, babysitting and work schedules. To say I was dreading the whole ordeal is putting it mildly.

But just when I feel at the end of my rope and wonder if I can handle what God has called us to – HE PROVIDES.

This time He provided us with a new friend only an hour from our house who understands prosthetics well, because he not only builds them, but wears one. I so appreciated the folks at Rehab Engineering. They spent several hours adjusting Little Man’s braces and leg as well as teaching me how.

Empowering.

Overwhelming.

Thursday for the first time I really felt like I have a disabled son and helping him overcome obstacles is going to be a life long job. My head was swimming in medical terms and trying to wrap my brain around how to help my son. You really might not believe me – but helping him on a day to day bases hasn’t been difficult. All four of his limbs are affected by his syndrome, yet he is a very normal, bright, active, and healthy 2 year old. To call him disabled has felt ridiculous. But in this new world of doctors, therapists and prostheses it can feel overwhelming.

So I had to pause and take a deep breath.

Little Man has given me a daily reminder that overcoming obstacles is a normal part of life that when faced head on and taken a bit at a time aren’t that big of a deal.

He slid on a newly adjusted AFO. We tested his limb and figured out we needed a different weight of socks and off he ran down the hallway chasing after a nurse with the promise of a sucker. He didn’t take off his “shoe” all day. Amazing how a little sock can make such a big difference.

Yup. Some days it feels like no big deal. On other days I want to hyperventilate over a sock. But in the end I would choose this again….and if you were considering adopting a child with limb differences I would say “go for it!” There is something about watching our Little Man running down the hallway. He called my name wanting me to catch up. It is a job worth having.

1st Easter…no words needed!

Posted on April 1, 2013 by Tammy

not really into having my photo taken... — not really into having my photo taken…

sleeping through egg dying..smart momma.

Yay Jesus!

Posted on March 31, 2013 by Tammy

Today, I have two of the cutest little girls in matching sundresses. When soccer dude was asked what he would like to wear for Easter – he chose a T-shirt from the Christian bookstore. The back has a cross with Romans 1.16; the front claims “wearing this t-shirt would be illegal in 53 countries.”

As we drove to worship this morning we talked about the freedoms we take for granted and thought about how we would celebrate differently if we were in one of those 53 countries. We would still celebrate I am sure, but not with new clothes and jelly beans. It would be a celebration filled with courage and an awareness that faith costs something.

After hearing that in our former city certain Western restaurants were closed down to prevent Christians from gathering together on Easter, I realized that Soccer Dude’s choice of clothing was more fitting than any bow-tie. My heart is challenged by our friends in Asia who are not able to publicly celebrate the resurrection together.

But even more than that –

As I celebrate the power of the resurrection in my life, there are so many in the world who have never heard. Many are without hope. Lost. Unforgiven. Wandering through life trying to makes sense of it all. Oh, that they might hear his name – learn of the transforming forgiveness that is offered. Oh, Jesus, may they hear and accept a place in your family. Saved. Adopted. Transformed.

Last week in Sunday school Little Man learned to say the phrase “Yay, Jesus!” He has repeated the phrase a million times this week. He was sitting playing with the train and all of a sudden shouted, “Yay, Jesus!” He ended our meal prayers with the two heart filled words. He added them to his songs. “Yay, Jesus, Twinkle twinkle little star” is one of my new favorites. At a family gathering, we all were marveling in cuteness and trying to get him to say “Yay, Aunt Jana.” He would have nothing to do with it. He knew the name of Jesus went with “Yay”….nothing and no one else.

I believe in the resurrection power of God that raised Jesus from the dead 2000 years ago and I know that His same power is alive and active today. Since that is true, then all we need to say is “Yay, Jesus.” As we think of the persecuted church, the lost in our world, and the sin that can trip us up…..Jesus is the one who conquered it and will have the victory.

Today, I am leaning into my desire to live out a courageous faith that boldly proclaims “Yay, Jesus!”

I had a dream

Posted on March 27, 2013March 27, 2013 by Tammy

I was around 8 or 9 years old walking through a small town K-mart when I saw the most beautiful chubby baby with huge dark eyes and tight dark curly hair. I leaned into my mother and said, “I hope my babies look like that!” She replied, “then you will need to adopt.”

I am sure my mom doesn’t even remember her flippant comment – but it was my beginning. I began to dream that my family would look different – full of color and diversity.

I thought about a station wagon chuck full of joyful children. Somehow my imagination could picture it like a clown car – a stream of happy kiddos piling out with no end to how many could fit. Unrealistic I know, but come on….I love kids.

Many moons later….here we are. Our family does look different and when we arrive places it may seem like the circus is in town, but the fruition of my dream is not exactly what I anticipated.

Let me start by saying I love being a mom. My life is better because of it – but I have to fight the common belief. Dreams coming true doesn’t equal a perfect easy life.

What if God has placed a dream and passion in my heart, but it is hard work to live out? Does that mean it was the wrong dream to have? Is an easy life really the “dream” most hope for rather than a life sold out to the calling of Jesus?

There are days that I want to stay on the couch with my book rather than stepping in and lovingly correcting my children who are in the midst of a knock out drag out fight. There are days that I want my family to blend in at the store rather than looking different and drawing attention. I don’t jump up and down with joy as I wade into deep waters of questions surrounding a birth-mommy. Yesterday, when one of the children (who shall remain nameless) was pitching a tantrum AGAIN, I wanted to crawl in my bed and pull the covers over my head and hum a little tune and escape to my own little world.

This family I dreamed up….it is hard work.

The reality of my dream in many ways is oh so much better. As I am typing this Roo and Little Monkey are painting creations for my frig. Soccer Dude and Little Man are putting together the train set; they are all such great friends. I am blessed. That isn’t even counting the early morning snuggles, the smashed flowers I hold in my pocket, or the small hand that wants to hold mine as I walk. Oh the things I would miss if I swapped the life God planned for me and replaced it with the pursuit of comfort and ease. That is what I need to focus on.

I don’t want to be like the Israelites who were pursuing the promised land, but wandered for years due to grumbling and unbelief. Little Monkey asked me why the Israelites didn’t learn their lesson and kept making the same mistakes over and over again. Her question made me ponder. Did they really think walking out into freedom would mean a life of ease? I am sure they dreamt for years about the Deliverer, but did they imagine the hard, hot path through the desert that they would be led too?

What I have learned – blessings and fulfilled dreams only come through some hard work and sorrow.

That truth kept in focus changes my attitude as I live out this journey with Jesus.

Chicken in the house

Posted on March 14, 2013March 15, 2013 by Tammy

Had a chicken in the house yesterday. Nope…not even kidding! It makes a little more sense when I mention that the girls’ bedroom windows don’t have screens. That is where common sense seems to stop in this story. The room needed airing, the chickens happen to be roaming the yard and with a bit of encouragement might have found the window sill.

Giggles and running feet through the house are common around here, BUT STILL. Come on Tammy! Get a clue. I was a bit baffled by the extra excitement when I heard the loud clucking. Come to find out the chicken had been in their room for quite some time, the girls weren’t sure how to tell me and rather enjoyed the guest.

I came unglued.

What does any self-respecting grown woman do when a chicken is found in her house? Send her eleven year old son in to “JUST TAKE CARE OF IT!”

My eleven year old is very smart. I had visions of him shooing the darling bird right back out the window from which she came. When asked later why he didn’t do that…..”I just wasn’t thinking, mom.”

I was sitting in the living room trying to remain calm wondering how much poop would need to be cleaned up when my son walks through the very same living room holding the now upset chicken flapping its wings as if she was trying to take off for the moon.

What does a self-respecting grown woman do when a chicken is in her living room flapping and flinging feathers? Why scream, of course! Which, if you are wondering, would make the chicken flap more and cause your valiant eleven year old to jump while trying to open the back door.

I sat thinking about posting this story and wondered how I could tie some great truth and meaning to the absurdity of my day. Surely I could learn something about being a Christian, about parenting, adoption or the Bible.

Nope.

Can’t think of a thing…well, except I’m glad I wasn’t Noah’s wife.

Basically, I try to let you all believe that I am a put together pastor’s wife whose children are angels due to my magnificent skills as a homeschooler and homesteader. (Having chickens makes me feel like a homesteader.) I might not play the piano or be prim and proper, but I like to think that I do the family thing pretty darn well.

I screamed at a chicken loud enough to make my two year old cry!!!

If I were keeping score (which you are not, but I am) then I could say that I haven’t killed anyone or any birds yet. Only by the grace of God. This parenting thing isn’t for the faint of heart. Some days it is hard. I read books about getting my kids to eat their veggies. There was never a chapter on how to get your kids not to play with chickens in the house.

Sigh.

Chicken day = not the best day in the parenting camp. Thankfully tomorrow is a fresh day with new grace.

Love (III)

Posted on March 11, 2013 by Tammy

Love (III) by George Herbert

Love bade me welcome, yet my soul drew back,

Guilty of dust and sin.

But quick-ey’d Love, observing me grow slack

From my first entrance in,

Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning

If I lack’d any thing.

“A guest,” I answer’d, “worthy to be here”;

Love said, “You shall be he.”

“I, the unkind, ungrateful? ah my dear,

I cannot look on thee.”

Love took my hand, and smiling did reply,

“Who made the eyes but I?”

“Truth, Lord, but I have marr’d them; let my shame

Go where it doth deserve.”

And know you not,” says Love, “who bore the blame?”

“My dear, then I will serve.”

“You must sit down,” says Love, “and taste my meat.”

So I did sit and eat.

I have been thinking a lot about love this week spurred on by an amazing chapter in The Good and Beautiful God, my small group, and the above poem by George Herbert. Is it a coincidence that a biography about Mother Teressa was planned for our homeschool curriculum at the same time? Questions about how I accept love, how I want to love others and what love really should look like are consuming my soul.

Thinking. Praying. Sharing.

Calling His name

Posted on March 3, 2013March 4, 2013 by Tammy

The 4 lane road in front of our apartment complex in China was being re-paved one summer. Soccer Dude was around 6 years old at the time and had just mastered riding his two-wheel bike. Nothing like a fresh paved road, that is closed to traffic, for a boy and his bike. (Photo from that summer on the left. Hasn’t he grown?!)

One afternoon I was following him slowly with Roo on a trike when I realized that he was having a hard time with his brakes. He was going faster and faster and I started to call out to him. That was when I saw a bus driving from the university gateway. I froze in the middle of the road and without thinking screamed – “Jeeeesus! Jeeeeesus!”

You should have seen the shocked looks of all the pedestrians. Not everyday do you see a crazy white woman screaming “Jesus” at the top of her lungs in the middle of a communist country. Soccer dude did not get hit – Praise the Lord – and afterwards it seemed a bit funny. I guess you never know what you will do until a crisis moment actually hits.

I have thought of this story often – last night being one of them.

I was leaning over the rail of the crib, for the third time, desperately trying to sooth Little Man during a night filled with terrors. I wanted to take away his fear. Maybe if I rock him on the left instead of the right. I hum, offer up a half hearted exhausted prayer and try to guess at the Chinese words he is muttering in his sleep. Maybe if I turn the fan on or turn the music down……

I worry, make a list, read a parenting book – surely I can find the answer and fix things for my children if I would just dig deeper or try harder.

Then it happens – usually when I have come to the end of my rope – in desperation my heart cries “Jesus, Jesus!”

If there is nothing else I have learned as a parent, its that I can’t do this on my own. I don’t know how to help my child who is having a hard time making new friends. I can’t protect their heart from hurt; I don’t have wise words every time an identity crisis rises. Heck, I can’t get them to stop fighting and whining! So often I feel frozen – not knowing what to do or what to say.

Wishing for what came so naturally to me that day in China to become my daily habit. Not the screaming crazy white woman part, but the calling on Jesus as a knee jerk reaction part. Can you imagine how different my family would be if I just would remember to call on His name?! I need not to wait till the crisis, but to call His name from the beginning.

Jesus, Jesus!

Make it so.

Family field trip

Posted on February 18, 2013February 25, 2013 by Tammy

Fun trip to the zoo to finish off our full semester study of flying creatures. All these fun birds to look at and what do my children want to sit and watch…..the chickens. Could have saved myself the hour drive and the entrance fee and just let them watch the 7 in my backyard all afternoon….like every other afternoon. sheesh! Okay, Little Man was interested in something besides the chickens – the trucks driving by the zoo caught his attention!

All joking aside, we had a GREAT day. Little Monkey declared it the best late birthday trip EVER (enter sing song voice) and Roo reminded us that we are a “zoo family!” Our love started with a family membership when she was a baby and we have taken great joy in visiting any zoo we can all over the world. Fun hobby. To bad their isn’t a zoo membership that would cover that.

Here are a few photos from our day. Heavy on the birds….well, because that is what we have been studying. Okay, so a few of some super cute kids too! 😉

And Little Man is ready to go!

True Story

Posted on February 16, 2013February 16, 2013 by Tammy

I wish the stories I am about to share were fictional.

A woman I had known for two hours felt that it was appropriate to say in front of my son, “so because of his birth defect his birth parents didn’t want him, right?”

Not twenty minutes later, Little Man and I were walking across a parking lot. We were taking our time enjoying the warm afternoon. He was wearing shorts making his brace and prosthetic visible. A truck slowed down next to us and the driver rolled down his window. (I am not kidding!) “Lady, what is wrong with your son?”

We get into McDonalds to enjoy a mommy and son date. While waiting in line, the woman next to me says, “He has one blue leg and one…..well he is cute anyway.”

Three in a row – in less than an hour.

Many times we are seen as a curiosity, entertainment, weird, or the drastic opposite – super heroes. None are accurate and they make me sad. Yes, our family looks different and our children were born with things that make them unique – but that is the beauty of God’s creativity. I wish that people could see that rather than a limb difference or skin tone.

As mom to this crew, I am learning that I need to educate and advocate for the sake of my family. Some days are harder than others. Sometimes it feels lonely and I just get tired. I don’t want to explain myself or defend my family. I would just like people to “get” us – treat us like any other family.

Thankfully, this is a true story.

I was waiting in line in our small town’s post office. A woman, who knew my husband as a child, introduced herself. I enjoyed the small talk (ahhhh, adult conversation) including fun stories of her life as a swimming instructor. “I would be excited to teach Little Man to swim this summer.” she offered without missing a beat.

Just when you feel exhausted.

I thought I would cry right there in the post-office. She was God’s gift to me. She saw the empty pant-leg and my son’s potential to be just like other kids. Even more she was excited to be a part of his journey and to get to know our family.

What a different afternoon encounter. I am sure she had no idea why tears sprang to my eyes and she wouldn’t be able to understand the value of the gift she had just offered me. It was so much more than swimming lessons. God whispered into my heart and I didn’t feel alone.

Making my own true story.

The deep blessing of being offered swimming lessons shocked me into remembering that simple gestures can make significant impact. So just thinking…how can I be like the swimming instructor and not like the curious truck driver?

Lord, help me today to use my talents, time and money to encourage those around me.