Little Man is not so little

IMG_6424For the past week Little Man has been saying – “It my birthday.  We eat cake.  I get a balloon and people coming.”  So fun that he now knows what a birthday is and that he was ready to celebrate.  Soccer Dude thought it was hilarious to respond to him, “It is big brother’s birthday!”  You can imagine the three old yelling response.  “NO!  NO!  It is my birthday!”

There was much anticipation leading up to today…and it didn’t disappoint. You know your child had a great birthday when he is laying in bed saying over and over, “Grandpa, Nana, Aunt, Uncle, brother…..celebrate me.”  (It took him forever to go to sleep tonight!)

We did celebrate him in a big way today.  The whole family was here for some good grill’n and cake.  Little Man was the center of it all – right where he likes to be!  He was incredibly cute as he grabbed the car on the top of the cake to drive it around the top.  I mean hey, doesn’t he drive all other cars like that?!  As you can imagine the cake quickly became a mess, but it was all good.

I love birthdays!  It really is one of my favorite things to celebrate as a mom.  It isn’t just picking out the perfect gift, having family over for special food, balloons and birthday cups – although, all pretty fun I must say!  Mostly, I love taking a day out to really celebrate that God created these amazing little people who are in my life.

Yet, when celebrating the birth’s of Little Monkey and Little Man there is a pang of…..

not really sure what emotion to label it.

Sadness?  Guilt?  Joy?  Awe?  Frustration?  Maybe an emotion that could wrap all of those up in one.

Through the day, as I clapped for my three year old who was able to blow out the candles, as we laughed at his antics with his new gifts, as we ate his favorite food, I thought of a woman I don’t know but who haunts me.  She is the one who gave birth to this little love.  She is the one who labored, loved, and lost.  I hate that my life is so full at the expensive of another woman’s pain and sorrow.  I will wrestle with that my entire life.  I don’t understand the idea that God would use the womb of another woman to be the source of my complete joy and her devastation.  I don’t think that is how God works.

That folks is what drives a passion within me.  I believe that every child deserves a family and we should work tiresly until that is that case, but if we stop there we are adding to the injustice of the world.  As a Christ follower I also believe we should be doing everything we can to keep families together…to keep orphans from excisiting in the first place.  sigh!  This wasn’t supposed to be a blog post about the weighty things that hang in my mind!  But do you see how my day could be filled with such joy and sorrow at the same time?

I am sure there is a woman who is haunted by heavy thoughts today too.  A birth mom who wonders how her son is doing….

Birth Mother, I wish you could see him now – running, laughing, teasing, showing us all what can be accomplished.  Amazing.  Thank you for giving him life.  Thank you for giving me this love.  What a gift you brought into this world three years ago.  He is amazing and already leaving his mark on the world.


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