Looking for him

We had the sweetest 16 month at our house playing.  Just for him, we pulled out baby toys and had them set out on the coffee table.  Our apartment is far from baby proof….especially the living room.  There is a long entertainment center type table that is low to the ground (complements of the university whose housing we live in) that holds our TV and other fun looking hands off stuff.

What does a smart baby do when he sees stacking cups vs. a dvd player?  Why, he crawls straight for the electronics, of course.  And when Momma says no to banging on the TV, what does the same sweet boy do?  He lays down on the floor and cries huge tears and has himself a little tantrum.

I laughed.  It struck me so funny that there was a whole stack of toys that momma would say yes to, but he just wanted what was off limits.

My giggles choked me when I felt God nudge my heart.

Over the past 2 months I have faced some situations that have not gone my way – one of which surrounds our adoption.

We really had hoped that we might adopt a child from the orphanage in our city.  Doors got closed. There is no possible way for our adoption agency to get files from this orphanage, which means we are not able to be matched to any of the precious kiddos from the city that is our second home. That is kind of a simplistic explanation to a complicated situation, but it means a no.

I have cried.  I have sulked. I have tried to trust God in the midst of it all, but you know what….I kinda was just pitching a big ol’ tantrum.  I wasn’t laughing as God told me no…and I was having a hard time accepting the things that He was graciously offering me as a yes.  He has clearly been closing doors and leading us in a new direction – we have been praying for clear direction, right?

It is sobering when you realize that you act like a toddler in the faith department.

Don’t get me wrong.  I know that God has listened to my woes with grace.  He is comforting me and meeting me right where I am at, but He doesn’t want me to stay there.  He has a different plan that will be so very good for our family.  Our agency has so many children who are waiting for a family, and we are excited to have been approved to be a family for one of them.  One day I am going to look back and see how God perfectly was guiding us through this adoption.  There is a kiddo out there who is to be a Williams, and we are on the adventure of our lives looking for him. I don’t want to forget even one bend along the road.

I want to mature in my faith – accept a “no” and be filled with peace, joy, and excitement for what God has planned.