I wish we had lied.

We lost Meimei, Little Monkey’s most favorite and dearly cherished asian doll, in the move.  World shattering.

When hubs and I started our parenting journey we intentionally chose to be truthful with our kids (age appropriately) – always.  So we have called all the body parts by their names (nice when your daughter is telling the clerk at walmart which body parts she has.  Singing it, of course, because it is a fun word to say and you get a reaction).  We don’t celebrate Christmas with Santa Clause (nice when your son tells the sweet old man in line that he got nothing from Santa for Christmas because Santa is dead).   But when we face difficult conversations about racism, adoption and social injustice the decision to be truthful is hardest but often the most rewarding.  Many times I find myself telling our children – ” I don’t know why mean things happen.  The world after The Fall STINKS.”  That is all I know to say.

When Meimei turned up missing – I wanted to be a liar.  I looked on Amazon and knew that I could replace her.  It would be easy peasy to pretend that she came out of one of the boxes I unpacked.  I even asked hubbie if we could lie just this once.

sigh.

The conversation was beyond brutal.   Weeping and deep grief accompanied imagined lonely locations of her little friend.  “She thinks I have abandoned her and that her mommy doesn’t love her or take care of her,” my sensitive soul cried for several nights.  “Maybe she is lying alone in a parking lot somewhere.”  It broke my heart.  How can a missing doll dredge up so many insecurities and so much pain.

I wish we had lied.  sigh.

We prayed for Meimei to be found and taken good care of.  Once it seemed that indeed Meimei was not coming home we bought a new doll.  The new doll -identical in every way- sat unopened on the refrigerator.  Little Monkey couldn’t bring herself to open it.  Somehow moving on was a betrayal.

Sad tale….but it does have a happy ending.

Miracle of all miracles – Meimei was found at Nana and Grandpa’s house.  We still aren’t sure when or how she ended up in their toy bin, but you can just imagine the depths of joy when dolly was found.  Better yet.  Nana had been “taking care” of her the whole time.  Meimei had not been scared or abandoned.

Man was I glad that we hadn’t lied!!!

Now we have Meimei and erMeimei – twins.  Little Monkey explained to Meimei that a new sister had been adopted.  She needed a home and they had enough love to share with another baby.  The new box was opened and a new chapter began.

The whole ordeal was grueling, but I was reminded again that relationships take hard work and the best things in life are worth every ounce of effort.  We talk about adoption, live out our lives as a multiethnic family, read the books, go to the seminars on how to parent children from hard places….but honestly living through losing Meimei helped us in ways nothing else could.  Walking through the pain of a missing doll, not shrinking from hard conversation about Little Monkey’s birth-mom and her abandonment, took our relationship to a new level.  Funny how a missing doll can provide healing and add a bit of wholeness to the life of our sensitive soul.

sigh.

Confession from this momma…..I really want to buy 20 more Corolle Calin Yang dolls and stash them in my closet.  Just being honest.