heaven – Casting A Stone

The Great Wall. If you have never been there, I am not sure you can imagine the steep terrain and the amount of steps. So many steps. Oddly spaced crumbling rock steps. Each step is worth the effort when you take in the view of the wall winding through the hills as far as you can see.

Visiting the Great Wall was the way our family decided to say goodbye to this season in Asia. After saying good-bye to the city that we had called home for more than 10 years, it seemed fitting that we would say goodbye to China at the Great Wall, one of our favorite spots.

B had never been there before. He was so very excited by our plans. It was a bit intimidating to envision the steep wall and yet to make a plan for our son, B, who is in a wheelchair. We called a travel agent for help, booked tickets to the most accessible part of the wall, and had two sweet friends helping. But still. Wowzers. It took a lot of effort to get our 100 pound teenager who isn’t able to walk on top of that wall.

Oh, the spectacle we created – huffing and puffing as we pushed a wheelchair up the cobblestone street that winds up and around towards the wall. We took turns carrying B on our back. We threw the wheelchair into a cable car while panicking at the thought of throwing our son into a cable car. He bumped up steps. We hung on for dear life as we rolled his chair down one steep incline to face an upward slant moments later. It was exhausting and hard.

I do this thing with our family when I am trying to convince myself that something is going well or is fun – I clench my jaw and smile and say stupid things in a sing song voice like – “peace, joy, and happiness.” The kids love it! (Which really means they think I am crazy as I talk to myself!) If I am being brutally honest, this game I play is really about the cost benefit in my mind.

Our trip to the Great Wall – totally worth all of the effort. You should have seen B’s face as he sat on that wall taking in the history of his heritage. Priceless. It is the kind of moment you look at and think – I would have paid anything for this. I would have put in even more effort to see the look on his face again. When my back was killing me for three days after the trip, I smiled. Worth it. When we handed over the fee to the tour guide, we shrugged and probably would have paid three times the amount. When the benefit is big, hard things seem so much….well, easier.

But there are moments in life when my cost benefit analysis falls short. I am sure you have had those seasons of life too. So much hard for little benefit. And we might add, from a human perspective some hard seasons seem to have no benefit. What do you do when you are climbing up all of those stairs hoping to see the Great Wall, but you never get to the top? You know what I am talking about? You invest in the relationship never to see it renewed. You pray for the wayward child – for years – and they haven’t come home. You fight the disease never to hear the word remission. A loved one dies. A job is lost. It all feels too hard. You are struggling to keep moving forward and your heart is sick with hope.

We personally are in a season that feels really hard. We hit the pause button on our lives in Asia to return to the states so that we could seek better medical treatment for B. We miss our work and home in Asia, we are fighting insurance and not getting clear answers from doctors….I feel like I am pushing a wheelchair up a steep mountain. There are days that I am tempted to give up and say that this isn’t worth it….and if I do my cost analysis half way through the journey, I probably would be right. All of this hard isn’t worth going half way.

When I saw B at the top of the Great Wall – that is when I was willing to have paid more, pushed harder. That short day trip helps me gain perspective. There will be a day when everything is made right. When everything is made whole and all of my tears will be dry. That will be the top of the mountain with a view of God’s throne that I can’t even imagine. I am positive when I reach glory I will think that it was all worth it and I will have a grin on my face that will say it all.

Until that day? Friend, we all have our own seasons of hard. Let’s encouarge each other to persevere keeping our eyes towards heaven.

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” Mother Teresa

When there are children without families living in an institution, it feels ridiculous to think that some foam stickers can help. But this week, the truth “small things done in great love” hit home again.

Honestly, I was looking for an easy-peasy craft to do with the kids this week. There is a huge remodeling project going on at the orphanage and the classrooms have all been moved, combined, and packed up to accommodate. I wasn’t sure what I would find or where my classes would meet, which meant a huge messy paint project might not be the best of ideas.

It was time to pull out a simple go to craft and use some of the super fun foam stickers some visitors brought us this summer. I had no idea that foam crowns could be greeted with such enthusiasm. I pulled out the crowns in my first class and the children clapped. I was taken back. Really? The project I feared would take half a class period was met with great focus and concentration. The kids dug through the stickers looking for the perfect ones and meticulously placed them. The Chinese teacher ran for a mirror as I hot glued the completed creations. That is when I was truly floored.

I placed the crowns on the heads of my sweet students and watched their countenance transform. They beamed.

The children took turns telling each other how beautiful they looked and then they voted as a class on whose crown was the best. We even used the last moments of class for the children to line up for a class photo. The joy didn’t stop as class ended. Foster parents came to pick up their charges gasped at the students who had been transformed into royalty. “Wow! Who gave you a crown? You look beautiful.” As I took it all in, I realized that one of my heart felt goals was being accomplished…unintentionally. The children felt special, worthy, valued and wanted. I beamed.

Later that day I was invited into the infant nursery. A two year old boy, who is more like an infant due to his special needs, was placed in my arms. He leaned his tiny head into the crock of my arm and my body instinctively bounced him gently side to side. Within minutes he was asleep. The nanny shook her head with a sad grin, “as soon as they are held they sleep.”

As I gazed into his sleeping face one of the foster care workers commented, “He is unwanted. No one will ever adopt him.”

I wanted to argue with her, but deep down I knew the truth of her words. His needs are severe. He will never leave this place. But it is only half truth.

I know the One who is Creator and Redeemer. That baby boy is not unwanted or unloved. There will be a day when a crown is placed on his head. He will be whole, happy, healed and know the love of our Father. Oh, what a glorious day that will be.

Until that day, rocking that sweet boy to sleep is like a bit of heaven on earth.