On how God answers my prayers

I lost my keys. The only set of van keys that we have. They are in this house somewhere and for a week I have been tearing things apart knowing that they SHOULD turn up somewhere. But, they haven’t. So do you know what that means? I have to pay to have our van towed from my own garage to the dealer. Then, I will have the pleasure of paying another (painful to me amount) to have a new key made. ARGH!

I have really been hoping to not add to my blonde story folder – “The time I lost my own keys in my own house.” I try hard not to play the role of absent minded mother of many children. But let’s face it, I have times when I am busy with six children, a puppy and getting in the door to make lunch. So, the fact is one minute my keys are in my hand — and the next minute I have laid them down somewhere.

One child, to remain nameless (our youngest), told me he found the keys in a hidden treasure spot and reburried them for me at the top of a ladder. I haven’t found that treasure yet, but I have been praying I would find it.

Lord, help me find my keys.

You can’t imagine how many times I have prayed that prayer this week. So many times it can feel like God isn’t listening. Why can’t he help a frazzled mother out? I just need him to point me in the direction of the keys.

All joking aside, I have at times wondered if my prayers go unanswered, not just about keys, but about larger things too – results of medical tests, guidance for how to parent, a glimpse into the future so that we know what decision to make, and last but not least a mended relationship.

Yesterday, we got an envelope that included a very encouraging letter and three checks. We were blown away by the care and generosity of a tiny church that gives big and calls us theirs. As I marveled at the gift I had in my hand, I realized that it covered a couple of expenses we were facing — including a new van key.

So many times it can feel like God isn’t listening, but really He is just answering my prayers in a way that I never expected — and even in a way that I don’t want.

I don’t want to have the humbling experience of towing my van and getting a new key made. I want the easy way out. But I can tell you one thing, God has provided again. He has made sure that we have what we need.

Today, I am thanking God for answering my prayers — for hearing me and providing. I also am digging deep in my soul with the reminder that God doesn’t always do what I want him to do. He is sovereign; I am not. He knows what I need. He gives good gifts, even if at first I feel disappointed because my desires (and dare I say my expectations) are not in line with HIS heart. I so want my heart to line up with his. Sigh.

Lord, help my unbelief. Remind me that you are always faithful and you answer prayer…..even prayers about lost keys. Thank you that you are good, and help me to see your good answers even when it is hard.

Worth it?

The Great Wall. If you have never been there, I am not sure you can imagine the steep terrain and the amount of steps. So many steps. Oddly spaced crumbling rock steps. Each step is worth the effort when you take in the view of the wall winding through the hills as far as you can see.

Visiting the Great Wall was the way our family decided to say goodbye to this season in Asia. After saying good-bye to the city that we had called home for more than 10 years, it seemed fitting that we would say goodbye to China at the Great Wall, one of our favorite spots.

B had never been there before. He was so very excited by our plans. It was a bit intimidating to envision the steep wall and yet to make a plan for our son, B, who is in a wheelchair. We called a travel agent for help, booked tickets to the most accessible part of the wall, and had two sweet friends helping. But still. Wowzers. It took a lot of effort to get our 100 pound teenager who isn’t able to walk on top of that wall.

Oh, the spectacle we created – huffing and puffing as we pushed a wheelchair up the cobblestone street that winds up and around towards the wall. We took turns carrying B on our back. We threw the wheelchair into a cable car while panicking at the thought of throwing our son into a cable car. He bumped up steps. We hung on for dear life as we rolled his chair down one steep incline to face an upward slant moments later. It was exhausting and hard.

I do this thing with our family when I am trying to convince myself that something is going well or is fun – I clench my jaw and smile and say stupid things in a sing song voice like – “peace, joy, and happiness.” The kids love it! (Which really means they think I am crazy as I talk to myself!) If I am being brutally honest, this game I play is really about the cost benefit in my mind.

Our trip to the Great Wall – totally worth all of the effort. You should have seen B’s face as he sat on that wall taking in the history of his heritage. Priceless. It is the kind of moment you look at and think – I would have paid anything for this. I would have put in even more effort to see the look on his face again. When my back was killing me for three days after the trip, I smiled. Worth it. When we handed over the fee to the tour guide, we shrugged and probably would have paid three times the amount. When the benefit is big, hard things seem so much….well, easier.

But there are moments in life when my cost benefit analysis falls short. I am sure you have had those seasons of life too. So much hard for little benefit. And we might add, from a human perspective some hard seasons seem to have no benefit. What do you do when you are climbing up all of those stairs hoping to see the Great Wall, but you never get to the top? You know what I am talking about? You invest in the relationship never to see it renewed. You pray for the wayward child – for years – and they haven’t come home. You fight the disease never to hear the word remission. A loved one dies. A job is lost. It all feels too hard. You are struggling to keep moving forward and your heart is sick with hope.

We personally are in a season that feels really hard. We hit the pause button on our lives in Asia to return to the states so that we could seek better medical treatment for B. We miss our work and home in Asia, we are fighting insurance and not getting clear answers from doctors….I feel like I am pushing a wheelchair up a steep mountain. There are days that I am tempted to give up and say that this isn’t worth it….and if I do my cost analysis half way through the journey, I probably would be right. All of this hard isn’t worth going half way.

When I saw B at the top of the Great Wall – that is when I was willing to have paid more, pushed harder. That short day trip helps me gain perspective. There will be a day when everything is made right. When everything is made whole and all of my tears will be dry. That will be the top of the mountain with a view of God’s throne that I can’t even imagine. I am positive when I reach glory I will think that it was all worth it and I will have a grin on my face that will say it all.

Until that day? Friend, we all have our own seasons of hard. Let’s encouarge each other to persevere keeping our eyes towards heaven.

Looking backwards

I hope you don’t mind indulging me as I back post. The last couple of months have been crazy with so many decisions, travel, and transitions that I sometimes forget what time zone we are in. That being said, it was hard to keep the blog updated. But, we have had a couple of significant moments in our family that I would love to share with you – albeit late.

Part of our transition from China included several weeks in Thailand for training, debriefing, rest and medical care. It was a much needed time that helped all of us. The reality of a season in the States began to sink in, we grieved leaving our Asian home, we rested and sought soul renewal after making so many large decisions and most importantly had some fun as a family.

A few of our highlights from our time in Thailand included fun, healing and faith.

As an early birthday gift Little Monkey and I spent a day, just the two of us, learning how to cook Thai food. When you have 6 kids, finding fun special things to do with them individually can be a challenge. I was so thankful to have the chance to make memories with my girl.

B learned to swim on his own!! We ditched his normal daily physical therapy for time in the pool everyday. I was amazed to see how the excerise in the water relieved his joint stiffness and increased his mobility, but the most fun part….once he was in the water, he was like all the other kids. He could move where he wanted to go and play the way he wanted to play. ON HIS OWN. Pretty huge deal for a kiddo who always needs to be pushed around in a wheelchair.

Above all, the day I will treasure most from our time in Thailand, was the afternoon Soccer Dude and Roo were baptized. After a season of studying the Old Testament in our homeschooling curriculum they were challenged to publicly declare their faith. (Homeschool win!) They chose to do that with the community of expats that meet up with us yearly in Thailand – their Asian family.

I was overwhelmed as Hubby read the age old litergy for our teenagers. I thought my heart would burst with joy as I thanked God for all that he has done for us in our salvation. What a treasure to share that gift with our children. Our friends gathered around them and prayed blessings over them and called them onward in their faith. It was so very special.

We have had the opportunity to visit Thailand many times during our ministry in Asia. I love, love the ocean. There is something about standing on the edge of the crashing mass of water that speaks to my soul. I am treasureing the memories from Thailand, holding on tight to them during this season of transition.

I ain’t gonna lie. This transition has been a hard one. We hated to leave our home in Asia. I hated to face the medical stuff that I knew was in our future. I hate finding my footing in a new place and season. It is hard work. One way I anchor myself through seasons like this (and we have faced them several times) is to dig deep in areas of faith, health and fun. I think it is so simple that I actually have fought it during past transitions.

So, this morning I am walking down memory lane. Remembering how space to encounter God in new ways, remembering faith decisions like baptism, exercise in a pool, and intentional fun with my kiddos ground me. What can that look like (practically) here and now in Michigan? I have been thinking about that a lot as I unpack suitcases and settle in. Our time in Thailand to unplug and seek God was such a gift that renewed my soul – I need that on a regular basis. There is something about extended time away with family and Jesus – you know? I need more than 30 minutes with my Bible in the mornings. But how? How can I get more when normal busy life is happening and chaos is the word that describes my life?

Thinking and praying a lot about silence, solitude, prayer, retreat, a healthy lifestyle, and good fun. I can let life take me along – or I can be intentional. I am learning that the simple choices make a big difference for our hearts. I wish I had a punch list of my goals toward soul health and how to achieve them. It just isn’t that simple for me.

I am taking it one thing at a time as God brings something to mind. Texted a college friend, who I love and admire deeply, to ask her to join me in a retreat weekend sometime in the near future. I have a couple of books picked out that I am planning on reading. I have carved out a “hiding place” in our new home where I can take time to pray. I am back into my exercise routine and we have re-established our Friday pizza, game and movie nights. Nothing super impressive. I am not going to set the world on fire as a result of these small moves – but I won’t get stuck. That is enough of a goal for now.

What choices do you make to keep your soul healthy?

We packed up our lives….again.

It really takes time for me to sit and count how many times I have packed up for a move over the past 20 years. God has taken us to Ohio, Peru, Michigan, China, Kentucky, Florida, back to Asia – and now we pack again.

Some of these moves were planned and hoped for. Some unexpected. Each of them have grown us in ways that amaze me as I look back on this journey God has taken us on as we seek to serve Him. That gives me faith as we step out again.

One of the things I have packed and unpacked, moving it across oceans and through all of these States – sage green towels. Towels that were given to Bryan and I as wedding gifts by Linda Mullins, a friend at Brice UMC. Funny what you remember. I actually laughed out loud as I looked in the hall closet of our apartment in Asia. I was trying to decide what would go in the suitcases that we would take with us to the States. Those towels have been trusted friends. I must admit they are a bit frayed on the edges now. They didn’t make the cut. It is time for new towels and time to embrace a new season.

B and Little Man both need some medical care that we were unable to get in our city in Asia, so we knew that God was steering us toward an extended time in the States to seek healing.

Bryan has accepted a position as a campus pastor in Michigan. The church is a little over an hour from my family and is a mile from a university. He is excited by this new opportunity and for the chance to love and lead folks in our new community. He also is excited to continue our connection in Asia through our sending organization. He has been asked to travel a couple times a year to help with leadership training and curriculum developement. Equipping the next generation of church leaders in regions of the world that don’t have the resources we do in the west is a constant passion. We are excited to see where both of these ministry opportunities will take us throught this next season.

For me – I kinda feel like that frayed towel. It has been a crazy few years (or maybe it is jetlag talking!) I am looking forward to some time to help our kids get healthy, homeschooling with some extra resources, launching our eldest to university (craziness!) and seeing where God leads from there. Keep posted. I am sure God has some fun things up his sleeve for all of us. We will have stories to share and we would love for you to continue to join us in the journey.

Intentional

A weekend away is just what the doctor ordered before the crazy hits. The countdown is on. We fly across the ocean in five days.

We have done this routine many times, but it still catches me off guard. Thinking through what a family will need until the next time we are in the States, packing, weighing, and repacking suitcases to exactly 50 lbs, checking lists, packing up the house we have been staying in the past five and a half months, saying goodbyes and squeezing in as much American food as possible before we leave – well, it is intense.

This time we intentionally started the work early and planned a weekend off before the final push towards being ready to go. Deep woods camping with no internet or cell coverage was such a great break. I needed the time to set aside my lists and focus on the kids. I can’t say that I was totally successful – it is a hard discipline for me to set aside a large job and be present. I tried.

Fishing and playing in a freezing cold river was the highlight of the weekend for some of the kids while others felt that the highlight was playing games and the campfire. Who doesn’t love gathering sticks and throwing them in the fire pit? We swam in a lake and watched the loons. We embraced life with a wheelchair and experimented with short hikes and enjoying nature as we drove trails.

I hate that while I was trying to focus on marshmallows on sticks my mind would wander to the suitcases waiting in our living room. For me, the struggle is real. I know I need rest. I know my family needs the break and the fun – but the story that rolls around in my head can have a desperate tune.

“If you don’t keep at it, then the job won’t get done. There isn’t time to rest. You are too busy for sabbath.” I am fighting hard against these lies. The truth is, I might not have everything wrapped up as cleanly because we went camping in the midst of our craziest week of the year. But play, rest and time to seek God in the midst of the storm is always worth it. That is the truth I am leaning into. I need to set things aside and seek God. I need a break from the demands of life. God created me for rest, fun and relationship.

My goal for the coming year – to be intentional about rest, fun and sabbath so that my relationship with Jesus will be fuller. The camping trip is just the beginning.

Next time I write will be from the other side of the world. I would appreciate your prayers as we prepare and travel, but more than that would, you pray for my soul as I lean into the discipline of sabbath? What have you found that helps you to seek Father in new ways? How do you practice sabbath in the midst of your crazy?

A Few of My Favorite Things

Everywhere we go, I hear the same phrase. “I don’t know how you do it.” I am not superwoman, have no special powers and truly rely on grace. What I want to say when people ask how I do it – “If you only knew how often I feel like the wheels are coming off the cart.”

But as I reflect on the question – I actually believe there are a few of my favorite things that keep me sane in the midst of our chaotic but joy-filled lives. I want to share them with you, mostly because I wish I had stumbled into them earlier in life. I also hope that you might share with me some of the things that you do to keep sane. I am always looking for new ways to plug into God’s grace and peace.

Just so you know – I am using affiliate links for the Amazon links below. If you purchase using these links, I get a little kickback that supports this site. To learn more click here.

1. My Bible app – I started using Olive Tree Bible App a few years ago. Love it. It offers many different versions and has a “Read through the Bible in a year” plan that I use. I have found keeping track of my daily reading on my iPad keeps things easier. As I sit with my youngest kiddo(who doesn’t like falling asleep on his own) I tap a button and pick up right where I left off. Easy easy.

2. As important as daily reading – I find listening to good content also helps keep my heart on track. I recently came across the podcast “Justice and the Inner Life” Friends, it is so so very good. If you only have time to check out one thing on my favorites list…check out this. They add a new one every month, and as I anticipate the new content, I listen and re-listen to the others. That good.

3. Plexus – I started taking a probiotic, prebiotic, and some good vitamins about 8 months ago. Life changing. Really. My health, sleep, and energy have been so much better since I invested in taking these plant based, all natural, dietary supplements. I wish I had come around to the realization that I need help to keep healthy sooner. Thankful I found this stuff. Shoot me an email if you want more information. Plexus is running a promotion – enroll at a discount to get wholesale prices now until July 10th. I would love to help you get started if you are interested.

4. Essential oils are one of those things that I resisted. I thought they were a fad and I didn’t have time for that. Now I am not sure what I would do without a diffuser filled with lavender and cedar wood to help my weary travelers sleep at night, a roll on of peppermint in my purse for a headache, or a drop of peace and calming on my three year old who just needs a bit of calm. YoungLiving oils have become part of our days and I am better for it. Soon they will be available in China!

5. My mom bought me an instant pot a year ago. Wow. I love that I can prep meals so quickly and make staples like beans in 1/8 of the time. I love my instant pot so much I hand carried it on the plane to take to China with me. If that ain’t love I don’t know what else is.

6. Games – I am learning in order to do life well I need to find time for fun. Games are one of our favorite ways to accomplish this goal. Exploding Kittens, Ticket to Ride, Battle SheepQuick Cups, Set, and of course a few Chinese games are Williams family favorites. A good old fashioned game night helps us to laugh and reminds me how much I enjoy doing life with this crew.

7. Last but not least, connecting with nature is one of my most favorite ways to stay sane. It is amazing how 10 minutes sitting on a bench watching birds, a walk in the woods, or a half of a day at the beach can reset my soul. There is something about connecting with Creator God in his creation. I find this hard to do while living in a city of several million people surrounded by concrete. We squeeze as much outside time in while visiting the States, intentionally choose vacation spots where we are surrounded by God’s beauty, or stop for a breath to look at the stars.

Now I have shared a few of my favorites, I really would like to hear yours. This is the time of year I am packing for another year in Asia – and I could use advice. Help me out; leave a comment or shoot me an email and tell me your must haves. What helps you thrive? What would you pack in your bag? How do you intentionally spend your time in order to nurture your soul?

Sweating it out with my teen

My goal – is to thrive as a momma of six babies, not just survive. At times that feels like a lofty goal. I mean, come on, there are a lot of lessons to teach, mouths to feed and oh the mounds of laundry.

One of my tricks for thriving (besides praying, daily devotions and talking with my hot husband) is exercise. I learned about three years ago that 25 minutes a day of aerobic exercise really is a game changer for me. I sluffed off through our crazy season and just decided that it was time to become religious about my daily workout…again.

The struggle is real – when I am homeschooling 5 children with a pre-schooler on my hip, trying to keep everyone fed, trying to keep the peace and my sanity to boot….well, finding 25 minutes in my day can seem like an insurmountable task. The other day, I pulled out my weights and my workout video and set myself up right next to B in the living room. I usually like to hide in my room and tell the kids that I can’t talk and do knee lifts. But, I was running late – again. B needed to do his physical therapy excercises and he does better if I am right with him – but I saw my morning slipping away and I really wanted to get my workout done too.

We have started physical therapy with B. It has been a long on-ramp with some bumps along the way as we have begun to figure out what he needs and how to help him to reach his healthiest. There have been days when I have wondered if I am the best for this job, and if I am being honest, it has caused me some stress.

I handed B the bar that he uses for his arm lifts and started my workout. He laughed as he watched me huff and puff. “What are you doing?”

“Exercising just like you.” I told him. “Today we are doing it together.”

For several moments, He watched me as if I was a crazy creature, but then he started on his reps too. I would pause my workout to switch him to his next excersice and he would exclaim – “Keep going, mom!”

There was one point when he was laying on the floor while I was also laying down….”I can do that one too,” he told me watching me lift my arm weights. It was his best at home physical therapy yet. He mimicked my exercises and laughed at my air punches and kicks. There is something about doing things together.

Modeling life for my kids. If I want them to exercise – then I better be at it myself. Reading their Bibles, then I need to let them see me doing it.

If I leave my cup laying around, you bet your bottom dollar they will do the same. That is the easiest one for me to tackle. Harsh words, impatience, judgmental comments. Let’s just say I struggle with more than keeping a daily exercise routine. I don’t want my kids to struggle with the same weaknesses.

Chores with joy, serving willingly, loving our neighbor, forgiving, passionate worship, sharing, standing with the oppressed…These are what I hope for my children’s lives. The question is, am I living it out in front of them?

Recently while riding in the car with my dad, I heard a random quote on the Southern Gospel station of the radio. “Teens have a hard time listening to their parents, but they are good at imitating them.” My dad laughed out loud. I am sure he was picturing some of the rowdy kids from his days of being an elementary principal. I didn’t laugh. With three teenagers in the house, I for sure hear the truth of this statement ringing loud and clear. Sobering and a bit scary, if I am being honest.

The success of physical therapy this week has me thinking. What am I modeling for my kids? What do I want them to see? Are their some of my habits and behaviors that I should change that would result in a positive change in their immitating behaviors?

This week, I am going to let my kids see me exercise. Humbling. A bit embarrassing. But frankly, I want my kids to see that it is important to work at being healthy and to take care of ourselves.

Sweating it out with my teen today, but I don’t want to stop there. Praying God gives me the wisdom and grace to keep modeling how to live life as a Jesus follower to the most important people in my life. That will help us all to thrive.