March 2015 – Casting A Stone

Introducing….

Posted on March 31, 2015March 31, 2015 by Tammy

As I was handing out high-fives and saying goodbye to my Thursday art class, one of my favorite students, a 13 year old boy, handed me a note. It was a torn corner from a piece of notebook paper. “Does your son read Chinese? Please give this to him.” So sweet, right?! When I delivered it to Soccer Dude at the dinner table, I had no idea what the words on that paper would do to my heart.

“May I come to your house to play and visit your family?” was the request scrawled across that torn paper. As Hubby read the words out loud to our family, I began to ~~cry~~ sob. My kids looked at me in dismay as I was loosing it over a playdate request. But, it seemed like so much more.

By law in this country when you turn 14 you are no longer able to be adopted. I thought of this sweet 13 year old boy who wants to “visit” our family and it hit me so hard that visiting is all he would ever do. To him a family is something you visit, not something you have. That my friends is something to weep over. Something we need to fight against.

For the boy who handed me the note, it is to late. But for many others there is still time. Please pray with me for miracles. The miracle of a family for Manning and for the two waiting boys I will share with you today. “Jenning” an amazingly smart 10 year old boy who has overcome so many obstacles and 4 year old “Kipling” who seeps joy from his pores!

These children are able to be adopted through Children’s House International and the following information comes from CHI’s Waiting Children website.

Jenning’s current obstacle is finding a family before it is to late and I tell you what, he will be amazing in a family. There truly is something special about this boy! He is a kind, polite, strong and eager boy who has stayed with his foster family for 10 years now. He is doing very well in school. His special need is post-operative CHI, hyperdactyly of hands and feet. After four surgeries on his legs he can walk normally now, but his protective foster mother says that he should not walk too long! She said that his legs grow tired and can be painful. However, Children’s House International’s own caseworker, lives in Jenning’s city, has seen him a few times and notes that he seems to be able to climb, walk, run, and carry on normally without complaint. He is healthy and seldom catches any illness; even colds are rare with this hearty boy! He likes to eat noodles, and he especially likes spicy food, but is very unique in that he doesn’t really like rice. His favorite fruits are watermelon, pineapple.

When the CHI team observed him playing with the other kids at the orphanage, he was very outgoing and willing to help the younger ones. He was eager to get people’s attention and showed a bit of a sensitive side. His foster mother said he feels a little nervous when he visits the orphanage because he doesn’t like where he comes from and doesn’t want others to know, especially those at school. He wants to be just like the other kids, and he feels pained that he is not. After the surgeries that at long last enabled him to walk, his confidence level grew greatly. But he hasn’t forgotten the days when he could not walk. When he comes to activities at the orphanage, he has been seen taking special care of the younger children in wheelchairs, pushing them into the sunshine and trying to make them smile. I can just imagine how much joy and compassion will be added to a family when Jenning becomes a son! His birthday is in April. What a birthday gift to have a family committed to him when he turns 11!

Kipling, is described by the Children’s House International social worker as “JOY in a 4 year old body!” Kipling has been fostered since he was 4 months old. Kipling was born in May 2011 with a recessive cleft lip, brain scan difference and undescended testicle. His file doesn’t mention it, but he also seems to have low vision. Although these minor needs put together might seem daunting, don’t let them put you off. He is a laughing, smiling, singing, dancing bundle of lovable boy! He has lots of energy and seems to very much enjoy being in the spotlight. This is part of the exuberant exchange between the CHI team and Kipling. He came in to the room, greeted us warmly with a smile and a giggle, then set to work playing with blocks. When the team spoke with him to ask him questions, he would tread excitedly in one place, his little feet coming up and down in such joy that it was apparent he could hardly contain it! He was happy playing and liked to throw things on the floor to make noise, and he loves music. One of the orphanage staff played a very popular Chinese pop song, “You are my little apple” and Kipling was thrilled. He danced and sang the words of the song, missing very few. When cued by his foster mom he would shake his backside, and put his hands up in the air waiving them around in glee. He has two little cute dimples. When he was done performing he giggled and said, “Okay?” Our laughter only encouraged more dancing, singing and laughter. The CHI team was smitten!

If you would like more information about adopting these boys or other children who wait, contact me and I will gladly put you in touch with the right person at CHI to answer any questions you might have.

Waiting Treasures

Posted on March 28, 2015April 21, 2015 by Tammy

It has almost been two years since I returned to teaching art at the orphanage, and seven years since I began this journey. If there is one thing that I believe more today than I did my first day walking down the hall of the orphanage, it would be this: if everyone could look into the eyes of these kids, spend an hour coloring with them and hear their stories – there would be a line a mile long of folks begging to be the special, chosen, adoptive parents of these amazing kids.

Instead it is the other way around. We are begging people to take a look at a photo, a file, and to take a leap of faith to add one of these treasure to their families. Unfortunately, they are unfound treasures. Waiting.

Today I have hope.

I am so excited this paradigm could shift.

There is an American adoption agency, Children’s House International, who have started a relationship with the orphanage where I teach. They have a social worker who lives here, is updating adoption files for our kids and they are advocating for the future of my sweet little friends. How awesome is that?!!

They have seen the kids and seen what I have seen….their special potential.

This also means there is a way for me to advocate and I now can share the kids with you. Would you join me….advocate and give voice to those who are waiting and hoping. Look at their photos, take in their stories, consider adoption, give generously and mostly pray for miracles.

We need miracles – because the kids in my classes are not cute healthy infant girls who seem easy to adopt. They are older boys who need the second chance adoption would bring.

Let me share the story of one dear with you today that comes from the CHI website:

UPDATE: Manning has a family!

At 6 years old “Manning’s” grandfather and father died. His mother ran leaving him to wander the streets until the police brought him to the orphanage. At 13 he still has never been chosen to be adopted because frankly families don’t want to risk taking in an older boy. He asks why families come for the young kids and not him. “I have waited longer. Why don’t they come for me?”

He is living in a group foster home on the grounds of the orphanage with three other younger children. His foster mother told us that he is the first one to get on his feet and help her when she asks for help. Because he is the oldest one in the family, he really works hard so as to take good care of the younger brothers and sister. The younger kids all love to hang out with him because he is so fun and so kind. He is a little introverted, gentle, and a bit shy. He loves art and riding his scooter around the orphanage grounds. Both socially and physically, he is a typical boy of his age. He is doing very well in school in all his subjects and recently received 4 medals in P.E; he can run fast! He likes Chinese class and art class the most. He is full of imagination and draws very well. He doesn’t like math. He doesn’t like “leftovers day” in his home, and always prefers noodles.

Upon entering the care of the Children’s Home he was found to have epilepsy, so he was given medication and now after 7 years, his medication is reduced to a half tablet each day and he has not had a seizure in over four years. He is small in stature, but mighty when it comes to responsibility, integrity, and personality.

The family who finds the treasure in this boy and adds him to their family will be blessed beyond measure.

If you’d like to learn more about Manning and the other children like him who wait, please contact me. I’ll be glad to put you in touch with the folks at CHI.

Encounter with a birthmother

Posted on March 22, 2015March 23, 2015 by Tammy

A simple encounter at the bus stop that rocked my soul.

I was waiting with three of our kiddos. Par for the course, they were playing and oblivious to all that was going around them. Picture a lot of laughter, noise and a bit of running around my legs. I was enjoying watching them play when I grew self-conscious that we were being watched.

Nothing new about that.

When out and about we are constantly watched. We hear comments like, “Four kids? Really?” and “Are they all yours?” and “They don’t all look like you. Two look like you and two look Chinese.” Usually I take it in a stride. I understand that for a population where one child is not just the norm but the policy, we are bound to draw out comments and stares.

But I had never heard this one.

A middle-aged couple was standing off to my left and I heard the woman comment to the man, “She could be our child.”

A wave of shock rolled over me and before I could think twice, I was starring into the woman’s eyes. I am positive she assumed I couldn’t speak Mandarin and wouldn’t understand the comment she made. To be honest, I wish I hadn’t understood her, looked up or reacted. When our eyes met – both mothers who understand grief and pain that should not exist in the world – the understanding in our eyes was full and real. She stepped around behind the bus stop and hid herself from me. I asked the children to stop playing so as not to make her pain more intense.

There is no possible way this woman was connected to our Little Monkey. Her birth place is hundreds of miles away. We were simply a symbol to this woman. Grief over what could have been? Wonder over what is? Hope that her child is in a family playing with siblings? A memory that had been hidden and now was pulled forward?

The encounter brought forward some emotions that I can forget in the daily routine and joy of life. My joy is someone else’s loss. Just because there are so many unanswered questions surrounding the early years of our adopted children doesn’t make them not exist. There are real people living lives with the memories of children who belonged in their arms.

Weekly, I see the reality of lonely hurting children who live their lives in an institution, and I want to question the people who chose not to care for them. Daily I am blessed by the love of two children who did not grow in my womb and sometimes I lose sight of the painful reality that the people who could not care for the ones I love now may still be out there wondering about them — wondering what their lives are like.

But it goes even deeper.

In relation to the majority of the world, I am a rich privileged woman. I have access to resources, health care, community support, and I have a voice. It stinks that the majority of women…mothers…in the world don’t have all of that…which at times result in some painful realities. It is injustice. When my children are playing around my legs and filling my life with laughter, I want to rage against a world where poverty is real and an injustice.

The woman at the bus stop – she brought my privilege up close and personal.

Those of us who are rich and privileged (dare I say that would be everyone reading this blog) we can do one of two things. Do something with our resources and ease the suffering of the orphans of the world and speak out against the injustice that creates orphans to begin with….or we can pretend.

Pretend.

I have looked into the eyes of orphans living in an institution. I have looked into the eyes of a suffering mother who can not parent her child.

I no longer can pretend.

Growing up – With photos

Posted on March 3, 2015March 3, 2015 by Tammy

You ever try to write a blog post, edit photos, answer homeschool questions with a four year old rolling around under your feet? I shouldn’t. I did which resulted in me hitting “post” rather than “save as draft.” Here is the full post with photos from Little Monkey’s special day.

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During our travels in February we celebrated the birthday of our sweet Asian beauty. I truly love watching as she grows and matures, but I must admit that each milestone also brings my heart a twinge of pain. Eight. Sigh.

To further confirm my theory that this child is growing up fast….she has a bucket list of things she wants to do/see in her lifetime. What 8 year old does that?! One of the things on that list was to see the Terracotta Warriors. We just happened to be traveling through the city where they are located around her birthday. It was such a fun way to celebrate our girl! We spent the day learning more about the buried army, Chinese culture and taking many photos to remember the day. Not sure which we like better…the Great Wall or the Terracotta Warriors. Each soldier made around 221 BC has a uniquely carved face. Cool. But the Great Wall is the biggest man-made structure in the world and also constructed way before power tools. Unimaginable. We love the history and rich culture of this country!

Don’t let Soccer Dude’s “been here done this” look fool you. He acts to cool for school when I ask him for a photo, but when it comes to reading about this stuff and watching the work of the archeologists….He might have enjoyed our day more than the birthday girl.

Now the other two kids…they might not be our history buffs, but they can make anything an adventure. Here are my two crazies making the day just that much more fun.

We wrapped up the day with a trip to McDonalds for burgers. We can’t get burgers in our city so it was a treat. Little Monkey was a bit put out that I couldn’t make her a cake in our hotel room, so a surprise fruit topped cake compliments of our hotel was a fantastic way to end our day.

I could tell you so many more stories…like how we decided to save money and take the public bus out to the Warriors. We were the only crazy expats on the bus and the driver decided he didn’t want to finish the route and just dumped us out in the middle of no where. We ended up on a mini bus with a bunch of grannies who had never seen white people on their local buses and where sure I didn’t know how to parent since my children weren’t wearing enough clothes. You should have seen the look on their faces when I clued them in that I understood what they were saying and respectfully told them in mandarine that the kids weren’t cold and that many American families have four children. I love shocked expressions….followed by conversations with locals! Wink!

All in a day in the life of a crazy family who live cross-culturally.

Out With the Old and In With the New

Posted on March 2, 2015 by Tammy

The smell of rancid meat is a great welcome home. Oh. Yes. We. Did. Our careful selves unplugged the power bar under the desk to keep our $20 printer safe from a power surge in our absence. Well played except that we forgot that our extra fridge also uses that plug. If you can skip the weird factor that our extra fridge is in our bedroom next to our desk/office space that is also in our master bedroom, you can go straight to the fact that this extra fridge was left to us by previous teachers. This used fridge was a welcome gift since tracking down ground meat in this city can be a treasure hunt and when I find it, I stock pile.

We were gone for three weeks. It was a fantastic time filled with great training, renewal, and rest. Nothing like pulling out for a few weeks to give you a fresh perspective. I am sure you will hear more about our trip in the next couple of posts. We came home armed with new resources and a vision to embrace our new semester with boldness and innovation.

Kinda funny how you can be so ready for something new and be hit with the smell of the old as soon as you walk in the door. Actually, we could smell it in the hall of our apartment. So sorry neighbors!

A freezer filled with meat that had thawed and sat in my bedroom for three weeks…Wow! Actually it was the two bags of chocolate chips and the 3 lb bag of coffee that I was saving in that same freezer that brought me to tears…and I never cry. (Okay, that is a lie. I cry a lot, but these tears I am blaming on our late evening arrival and my crazy love of both chocolate and coffee. Oh, Ld deliver me!)

My sweet husband rolled up his sleeves and began to scrub.

It has been two days and you can not believe the smell that lingers. We have tried everything, but due to the “excellent” design of the freezer that has a seam at its back that leads to a 2 inch compartment….well, let’s just say we push on the bottom of the freezer and we see red foam. Crazy.

Today, I gave in. I think we might just need perform surgery on the freezer and saw out the bottom or throw it out.

Not that I am over thinking this rancid meat as I come home thing….but, it really feels so ironic. Sometimes all you can do is throw in the sponge.

Hubby starts his classes today. He again has been assigned the literature classes with the added bonus of being asked to teach more freshmen on a second campus. My classes start tomorrow. No new students for me….the same sweet kids will be eagerly greeting me as I enter the orphanage halls. So, what is my new? Oh, that I could put into words what is taking place in my heart. I guess all I can say is that I have new depths in my heart. I am being broken so that I can love even more deeply.

I also might be shopping for a new freezer.