Tag: parenting

20 Years

Posted on by Tammy

The shock is real — my firstborn is 20 years old. I have done very few things for 20 years straight. I wasn’t a student for that long. I haven’t held a ten year tenure for any job, and all my background checks have a list of addresses so long it gives proof that I have not lived in the same town (or state or country for that matter!) my whole life. But parenting….I have been at that for awhile now.

Jesus, my man, and the kids. I have been into them for the long haul, and it has taught me a few things.

When Soccer Dude (aka first born) was about three years old, we were living in an old house with some very steep staircases, one of which led from the upstairs bedrooms to end at the front door. It was a charming old house with a lot of crown molding and so many quirks that fascinated an active pre-schooler. One morning as I was cleaning up the breakfast dishes, I heard a loud thumping, a crash followed by wails. As I ran toward the chaos I was confused – was it the hurt cry or the wail of frustration. I found Soccer Dude in a bloody heap at the bottom of of the staircase along with the lid of his toy chest. Sledding, he later explained. Try telling that to the urgent care nurse. Yes, my three year old decided to sled down the staircase. Soccer Dude shrugged and told me, “You never told me I couldn’t sled on the chest lid down the stairs.”

He has always been like that. One thought ahead of me. Steady, logical, and innovative. He never did sled down the stairs again. It really didn’t end well, so why would he? But I will admit there are many stories like the staircase sledding incident. Times when I wished I had thought to warn him. Although, the Good Lord knows I have tried to teach, warn, give boundaries, and train. My abilities only go so far. I am human, and I don’t know all the things.

That is the joy of 20 years into parenting. I have finally embraced that I don’t know all the things. I might not always agree with the ways my kids lean into learning — I could think of a different way to figure out that sledding down the stairs would be frustrating and not as fun as the snow covered hill at the park. Nonetheless, they are learning as they grow, and with an open mind, I can continue to grow and learn along side them.

The teen years have been a gift. They have ideas and perspectives that push me towards being a better person — if I take the time to listen and learn. That is the big if. As a parent it is so tempting to think that I have arrived. I know the things. My way is the best. If they would only listen… For sure I could have saved Soccer Dude some pain if he had asked me about sledding down the steps — but my testimony today: I actually saved myself a lot of pain by recognizing that the teen years of my children are a gift to me.

When Sam was a baby, a good friend who had just entered the teen years with his children made a statement that stuck with me. “Enjoy him now, because when the teen years come it is brutal.” I remember shaking my head in sadness and a seed of fear was planted in my heart.

That is why I am writing this post. Young parent – if you were having coffee with me today, I would want to tell you that the teen years can be grand and read the book “Like Dew Your Youth” by Eugene Peterson. Hands down the best book I have read on parenting in my recent years.

Parenting Soccer Dude — there have been hard and easy parts, but he has taught me so much. I am thankful for every moment. The conversations are challenging, but oh so rich! His ideas are new to me, and the ways he takes on the world are inspiring. When it comes to a wide range of things from racial injustice to why young adults don’t connect with my worship style — he has things that I should listen to. My middle age reservation needs his young hopeful creativity. He isn’t three years old any more, and he has gained my respect as a godly young adult, who is striving hard after God and desiring to be a voice of healing and good to his generation. He isn’t me. His ways are different. I think that is good.

I am not sure what it will be like to have a man child who is 20 years old, but I am looking forward to learning what it looks like to walk beside him in this next phase of life. Based on how much I have gained through his teen years, I can only imagine all the joy that lays ahead.

Happy Birthday, Soccer Dude.

This priceless life

Posted on by Tammy

A trip to the grocery store is never dull with two young sidekicks. To be honest, I don’t often take my youngest boys on such adventures, but today I was in no rush and I knew they would enjoy helping recycle the pop cans. What 6 year old doesn’t enjoy feeding metal cans into a machine smelling of fermented fruit with crushing sounds added to the reward?

Their joy was enormous. So big that I pulled out my phone to take a photo so I wouldn’t forget. It is almost as if I knew the quick trip into the grocery would become the blog post that unstuck my words and got me writing again.

We grabbed our few things for dinner and headed to the self-check out. Truly, I am not usually this patient, but we were on a roll..the boys so helpful and my heart in a space where I could slow down and enjoy them. I showed the youngest how to find the bar code as big brother coached from the side, but then shoved his way in to the game. I was bagging the last item when I looked over and saw him leaning over the machine and running his forehead over the scanner.

“This is proof!” He demanded at the lack of a beep and price tag. “I am priceless.” Can you picture his cheeky grin? The thing you might know about Little Man and his humor, he cracks himself up almost as much as he makes me laugh. For good reason. He is hysterical. Where he comes up with this stuff is beyond me.

The deep love that God has for me is a theme that has been pursuing my soul the last two years. Yes, two years. God has gently been stripping away my life content that makes me think I am lovable. Maybe I am the only one, but somehow I had flawed theology wedged in my heart. If I sacrifice, God loves me more. The more I read my Bible the more pleased His is. When I follow the list of should and should nots, then God might see me. If I serve overseas, then of course He sees me as worthy. My job, my title, my salary, my parenting skills, my productivity, they all seemed to equal my value. If this is all true, then what happens when you just can’t any more? When everything is not as it was?

Our return to the States, medical issue after medical issue, and a pandemic….life just hasn’t returned to the normal that I thought we would get back to. Maybe, that isn’t a bad thing. My life has slowed down and during this season family has been my focus. I am learning to redefine what ministry might look like for me, and we are thinking outside of the box. Above all of those significant shifts….I am starting to learn what actually matters. I am loved deeply by God no matter where I live, what job I hold, or what others think of me. His love is not conditional, and when God scans my heart, there is no bar code declaring my worth. I stand before God in freedom.

Recently while talking about parenting, a well intentioned friend who doesn’t have kids asked me if it was all worth it. “You didn’t really sign up for all this, did you?” I was not offended by her question – I found it brave. I think a lot of people look at us and wonder. To be frank, on dark days any soul might allow that question to pop into our exhaustion.

The answer is always the same. These kids are priceless and worth everything.

If I can answer that way in the middle of another round of bone infections, surgeries, and antibiotics…How much more does God answer the same about me? About you? No matter how much we accomplish (or don’t accomplish), no matter how many times he has to hold our hands, no matter how much “trouble” we cause him – God’s answer is the same. We are priceless. He counted the cost. Arrived in a barn. Embraced the cross and regrets none of it.

Today, I am still chuckling over my clever boy scanning his forehead. His antics spur me towards contemplation. How can I live this one priceless life in such a way that I remind others of their worth in Christ?

Be Still and Know

Posted on by Tammy

We have this awesome new wheelchair van that gave us freedom. After being cooped up in our home since October (I won’t even mention the two weeks before that in the ICU at the hospital), February seemed like a new lease on life. We enjoyed going to church as a family and jumping into a homeschool co-op. We slowly started to get to know the community we find ourselves in for this season.

Then, Covid-19 hit, and we are homebound again. Quarantine life feels eerily familiar – except this time Hubby is stuck at home with us! A friend sent me a text asking how we were and joking that I should write a book on how to survive being stuck at home. I laughed but realized that I have had a good deal of practice over the course of the past 7 months.

A road trip for a scholarship competition at my Alma Mater with my eldest was a much needed reprieve during my stuck at home season this fall/winter. A dear friend from my college days, who still lives in the area, opened her home to me for the weekend. I played the role of supportive mom through the campus tours and waited outside the interview rooms during the day, but at night I sat on her couch with my feet curled up under me. There is nothing like picking up – face to face – with a true friend. We laughed, shared our hearts, and I felt the deep sigh of contentment that comes from somewhere inside me when a soul need is being met. “This is the true gift of community,” I thought as I fell asleep that first night in her home.

The next day, walking the grounds of the university, I felt this strange sense of coming home and yet being a stranger as I looked at everything through my son’s eyes. He was making new friends even in the few short hours that he had been staying in the dorm — while I was bumping into friends from days past who now like myself had grown up. They now held positions on campus, and I had a man-child by my side.

One very brief conversation brought the idea of community to mind again. A fellow mom, who shares my blessing of parenting a child that the world might label special needs, saw me. Really saw me. As we spent a moment getting to know each other again, words of encouragement flowed. There is nothing like finding someone who understands my life and will call it blessed rather than hard.

I want that type of community for my son. I joked with him that I would go back in time and do it all again. He was skeptical – thinking of the high tuition and all the papers that would need to be written. But I was thinking of the late night pizza in the dorm, weekend ministry trips, prayer partners, and the pranks that we pulled through the CPO. I loved the cafeteria and studying with my closest friends in the classrooms.

I was giving Asbury a lot of credit – and I do believe that space was a sacred gift in my life, but in the days since our visit, I have been thinking through the seasons of life when I have had community and the seasons when I have felt utter isolation. It might have more to do with me than with my choice of university or the season of life I find myself in.

This year, I have experienced both deep loneliness and immense fellowship to the extent of which both leave me in wonder. I don’t have the wisdom to write a book on how to survive such swings. For sure, I have learned some survival tricks that aid me in the desert times. I probably could write you a bullet list which may or may not be similar to the ones flying around the internet these days. In times of struggle, I have tried hard to follow lists of well meaning experts hoping to keep my faith and sanity in the midst of lonely times. I tried so hard and hold on tight waiting and hoping for the next long weekend with a friend.

In a particularly difficult season a few years back, I found myself in a new short-term home after some significant losses in my personal life. I was lonely, grieving, and fighting for my faith. I finally came to a point that I thought I was loosing the battle and I had to stop. This is where I thought I would loose all touch with God. I couldn’t hold on. Funny how my expectations can be so very wrong.

“Be Still and Know that I am God” Was the verse that flooded my bruised and lonely heart. That was the game changer for me.

In times that are hard and isolating, I am learning to lean into that truth. Be still. I pray that I can be still and hear his voice, have deeper community with him, and know him in new ways during each season. Just know Him. Call on His name and see what happens.

For me, that is when a new list seemed to appear. I am not sure I can explain it….but it seems the more I lean into knowing God, embracing stillness, and letting my heart cry out for survival in a hard season….that is when breakthrough happens. I can see the gift of nature around me that helps me to breath deeper and survive one moment. He helps me to weep harder to release emotion which helps me survive another. God brings the name of a friend to mind that I text. I can suddenly appreciate a card that came in a mail. I enjoy playing a game with my kiddo. I have energy to exercise, or I suddenly am introduced to a new worship song that makes my soul sing. By being still and simply knowing God, I can appreciate the gifts he has just for me to help me make it through today – one moment at a time. I am taking note of each of these. That is my true list.

I can be tempted to wish back for my college days when I lived in the dorm with my close friends. I think Soccer Dude was right to be skeptical about my desire to go back. Wishing for what I had never meets my needs for today. Stilling my mind, my wishes and expectations to focus on just knowing God….that is where the true gift of community thrives.

In this season we find our schedules open. There ins’t a soccer season, homeschool co-op, band concerts, or music lessons. Meetings at church are canceled, and we are not in the midst of planning a huge gathering for Easter. We can be still. What luxury. Will we lean into this time of being home? Can we be still and know God in new ways? With some tears of frustration, contemplation, and honesty with my own heart, I am trusting Jesus to show me how.

With God all things are possible

Posted on by Tammy

There have been some seasons of God’s blessing in our lives that have felt so overwhelming that it is like drinking water out of a firehose. I have never done it, but I am sure the force of the water as you try to gulp it down would be something. It might even knock you over. I feel knocked over and drenched by the volume of God’s blessing on our family.

We needed a wheelchair van. We knew that some time in the future it would be inevitable. I can’t lift a growing teenager forever – but we were still managing. Even though we were prepared for the reality some day, we were startled to have the surgeon tell us that B now could no longer ride in a regular vehicle. Even before they would release him home from the hospital after his surgery, we would need to make arrangements. The need was no longer in the future, but now and we weren’t prepared. We began looking for a new van – a bit overwhelming since we are experts at driving old vehicles and blessed to have been given our last needed vehicle.

We didn’t expect to be given a wheelchair van as well.

Some crazy generous people (we aren’t even sure who all contributed) gave us the funds needed to buy a wheelchair van. All the funds. Wheelchair vans are not cheap. We paid with cash that wasn’t ours. If that doesn’t knock you over and drench you in a little bit of holy awe I don’t know what will.

As I reflect on our years of ministry – one theme rises above all others. God has provided. Little Man reminded me that we have “had many miracles in our lifetime.” I loved listening to him list a few of them with his siblings joining in. There was the time a group of loving musicians gave us a heavy duty stroller that we needed for Little Man after one of his surgeries. We were given an 8 passenger vehicle when our family grew from 7 to 8. Just when we had the opportunity to spend time in Thailand, Hubby was hired to teach extra classes that covered the costs involved.

The kids also included provisions that were not monetary. The friends that have crossed our paths. Visas that were granted in the last hour as an entire camp meeting paused to pray for God’s favor in that matter. The child who lived with us for a season — he taught us that we did have the capacity to love and parent 5 and ultimately 6 children. Favor granted by government officials. Jobs. Adoptions. Housing. Travel. I giggled as my nine year old mentioned all the miracles in his lifetime, but was sobered as I realized how true his sweet and sincere statement had been. He ended the conversation by stating — “imagine all the miracles we would have on the list if we counted all of them from your lifetime!”

Thank you to everyone who gave so that we could buy the van we needed for Benjamin. Thanks be to God that he led us to step out in faith to adopt this awesome kid — and through the journey of parenting this crew, God continues to provide for all our needs. Living cross-culturally, adopting kids, having a large family…when people ask us how we do it I am tempted to say, “I don’t know.” But, what I mean….I’m not the one “doing” it. No way. God provides for us and has given us an awesome support network in all of you. People who are praying for us, believing in us, supporting us, giving to us. We need a village and God has placed us in one.

Could I add a small asterisk to this testimony? There are some seasons of God’s blessing on our lives that might not be described as water from a firehose. Can you picture a tap turned on when the water main is broken? Just a tiny trickle comes out as the pipe groans. Have you had a season in your life when you see the gushing blessing pouring out on others and you wonder if all dried up before it reached you and your need?

I have labored over this post, wording and rewording — wanting to give God glory for this amazing gift that He has given us. But I think the full glory He is due can only come by me honestly sharing. God answered our prayers for a van, but not all of our prayers are answered in an awesome way that automatically leads to a rejoicing party. Our prayers that B would gain strength by taking medication have not been answered in the way we had hoped. With a few tears I can say that God provides even in this. He is good even in this. I can trust him even with this.

When his blessings seems like a gushing firehose or when his blessings seems like a dry trickle — actually, we need to realize that His blessing is still there. I am learning that blessing can be defined by God’s presence and that doesn’t waiver based on my circumstances or how I feel. My heart learning to give God glory in the unexpected great and in the disappointing hard can be added to our list of miracles in my lifetime.

With God all things are possible.

My baby turns 18

Posted on by Tammy

18 years ago, Hubby and I were completely in awe over the new life that God entrusted into our care. I joke that Soccer Dude was perfect from the beginning – making his appearance on a Thursday night after I watched “Friends” and before the new episode of “ER” aired. His tiny perfection all of a sudden made me realize all that I lacked.

As we prepared to leave the hospital, I dug through my carefully packed suitcase looking for the long-sleeved undershirt I was sure had been on the list. I couldn’t find it. 18 years later and I can still feel my panic, thinking that I had failed to bring the layers he might need to keep him warm on the journey home.

Have I bundled him up warm enough? Should I hold his hand or let go? Have I taught him right from wrong? Should I push him harder or be more compassionate? I have asked myself endless questions on this journey of parenting over the years wondering if I am enough. Honestly, knowing that I am not enough.

I forgot to pack that onesie to bring him home from the hospital. I found out he could now roll over when he rolled off the bed and landed on his head on a concrete floor. I lost him at church once, and I almost let him drown when I wasn’t holding his hand next to the pool’s edge. I was sure he was going to die when he ate a huge, Peruvian bug. I think that was the same week that I left him on the floor with a stack of board books to rush the trash to the curb only to have the door slam and lock behind me. I was locked out. He was inside. I can laugh about that one now, but there have been so many more mistakes over the years that make me cry rather than laugh. Many I am too embarrassed to confess to you.

But grace and God.

If I could tell myself one thing 18 years ago as I bundled up my newborn for the car ride home, I would tell myself….”you aren’t God.” Break the news to my young self at the beginning. Maybe then, I would have done my best, and then put my efforts into trusting God with the outcomes.

I am not saying that I didn’t trust God at all. From an early age I put my trust in Jesus – but there are some areas of my life that are harder to leave in His capable hands. I like to give a good shot at being in control myself. I instinctively want to protect, teach, shape and guide my babies – as all parents should. My problems come when I feel the weight of each of those tasks solely on my shoulders. I forget to do what I am called to do, then let go, and trust God with the outcomes.

How? How, for the love of God, did Abraham climb Mount Moriah and offer his son, Isaac, on the altar? How did he saddle the donkey in preparation for the trip? How did he trust that God would provide the sacrifice just as he told Isaac that God would do? Abraham knelt his will and heart to God. That is a good parent. That is who I am striving to be. Daily I have to remind myself that Jesus is the one who has the final say and will provide everything that my son needs.

The absolute beauty of my baby turning 18 – I see how he is turning out. Now, I confess to being a very devoted and biased mother, but I think even others would testify to the fact that God has done a work in Soccer Dude’s heart. He is delightful, smart, compassionate, and doing his best to learn wisdom. He has a heart for the world and the desire to make it better. None of this is solely because of me. Dropping him on his head as an infant didn’t make him mean. Homeschooling him didn’t leave gaps in his knowledge, and carting him all over the globe hasn’t made him an awkward third culture kid. The missing long-sleeved onesie on that first car ride home did not scar him for life.

I don’t know if Soccer Dude will be with us for his next birthday. He is making plans to head off to university and live on campus. We are so proud of him as he dreams of his future, but sad to see him go. So this birthday, I bought his icecream cake with tears wondering how he will get cake next year, yet knowing that it really is time to let go.

It is a new season of parenting. I am sure I will struggle with worry. I’ll wonder if he is ok, if he is bundled up enough, and if he has all that he needs. But during this season I am going to try to remember that I am not God. He doesn’t need me. Ultimately, Jesus is the one that he needs.

Hopefully, I can remember the same with our youngest. It is a bit crazy to have a new kindergartner at the same time our oldest is headed to college. For me that is one of God’s gifts of grace. Poor soccer dude has had to teach me all the hard lessons on parenting. Maybe with Moe I can put them into practice and not be so hard on myself.

I lack the ability to shape my children into the awesome adults I hope they will become, but God can. He won’t drop them on their heads, won’t let them drown, or leave them out in the cold. Good stuff, right?! So I am letting go. Giving it over to the one who lacks nothing. I will worry less and pray more. I will try to slow down and enjoy the moments. I will lean into Jesus and learn the lessons that he has for my heart and trust that my relationship with Him will spill over as blessings onto my children.

I will let you know how I did with that task when Moe turns 18.

What God has done.

Posted on by Tammy

Six weeks ago I slept next to my son’s bed in the hospital listening to the machines that were helping him breathe. B has Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA) – a cousin disease to Muscular Dystrophy – that causes his muscles to slowly weaken. Scoliosis is an inevitable companion to SMA as the muscles in his back weaken and no longer can support the body. The surgeons placed a rod in B’s back to be the reinforcement and protection that his organs need. We are so thankful for this life-giving surgery (thankful for every minute of the six or so hours of surgery) that was able to enhance B’s quality of life.

It feels funny to say that I am thankful for something so gruesome. The surgery caused B immeasurable amounts of pain. His body was opened up and stretched out. That was just the beginning. Then he started the fight of recovery. He had to work at breathing on his own, emptying his body from the liquid that accumulated where it shouldn’t. He had to push hard to sit, to eat and regain daily functions. As two weeks in the hospital came to a close and we were putting things in place to bring him home, I was so frustrated to feel that we were in a worse position than before the surgery. Frustrated but thankful for the fight.

There are things that are worth fighting for, but that doesn’t make the fight easy. Somehow In my growing up years I missed that lesson in Sunday School. I had the misconception that if I was in the middle of God’s will then life should go….well, easy or smooth. I am not sure which word to use, but I am sure that this idea was in my heart. God has been slowly stripping me of that falsehood. I wish I were a fast learner. Might have saved me some pain or at least saved me from some painful wrestling with God over the years. Anyone know what I am talking about?

God calls us to a hard fight and equips us for the task – if we are willing.

When I meet a new nurse or group of physicians there is a comment that I often hear. “He is so lucky to have you.” Want to see me get angry fast – tell me that I am a saint for walking this journey of SMA. I did not choose this. In all honesty, if we had known B’s diagnosis before we felt led to adopt this amazing kid, I am sure I would not have had the guts to do what God was asking us to do.

I often remind myself that God was in all of this. How I fell in love with this child slowly over the years. How we got the phone call asking us to consider adding this child to our family, the one I said I would not leave behind if God made a way. How we had the paperwork for adoption all in place because we had just completed an adoption the year before. How God provided all of the money needed to complete the adoption. How mistakes in paperwork were fixed during a Chinese National Holiday. How the adoption was completed just days before the deadline that would have made our son unadoptable. Then, this teen entered our family and embraced us, our family ways and love. He has become a perfect part of us whom we love deeply. It truly all is a miracle of huge preportions. This story is a marker in my heart. I remember and it gives me courage for my fight today.

This month since surgery we are working at learning a new normal. I have learned how to set up the machine that helps B breathe through the night. We have learned how to use a lift to transfer our boy without hurting his back and we are seeking ways to help him gain weight and strength. We are hoping to find ways to help him get around more easily, are adjusting our expectations for the near future, and trusting in God’s provision. None of these steps have been easy for me. But is easy what I really want?

Don’t get me wrong, I would do the dance of hallelujah if B was healed today. I would love for him to have a “normal” life. To move freely and live without SMA. But through the hard I am learning things that I can not learn any other way – I am learning to lean.

I have never had to lean into Jesus like I am in this season. Feels funny to say that I am thankful for something that is so hard. I am. Let’s embrace difficult seasons, hard stuff and grief in a way that makes us more like Jesus. Don’t listen to the lies of despair, hopelessness, and doubt. Fight and remember what God has done.

Can I love them the same?

Posted on by Tammy

8 years ago I was sitting in a hotel room in a Chinese province far away from where we live. I thought the knock on our door would never come. We were waiting to meet our new daughter. It was our first adoption. Looking back, I now know how clueless I was.

One of my biggest fears as I waited to meet the three year who would become our daughter – could I love her the same?

I get asked this question a lot – by people who are considering adoption, by my neighbors who can’t quite believe that I could love my kids who came to me through paperwork equally as I do my biological kiddos. I am able to answer that question with confidence now, but as I waited in that hotel room….to be honest, I wasn’t sure.

The knock on the door came mid-morning just like they told us it would. A man and several women entered….maybe orphanage workers. A lot of the moment is a blur. I am not really sure who all the adults were that accompanied a scared, tiny three year old. I only had eyes for her.

I would have recognized her anywhere, probably because I had been staring at her photo for months and months as we slogged our way through mounds of adoption documents. I had so many expectations that I didn’t even realize for this first adoption. Expectations for that moment and for her – they all flew out the window.

She was scared. Hardly moved as she was set down on the floor. It wasn’t love at first sight. We weren’t happily and loviningly embracing as she called me momma. But I knew – a new love. I knew that I would do anything to protect the tiny wisp of a child that stood before me shaking. Protectiveness, compassion, anger at all she had been through leading up to that moment, urgency to help her – love. It wasn’t the precious bonding moment at birth when they placed my newborn son on my chest. This was so very different but the same.

It has been 8 years since that first meeting. It is almost impossible to see the tiny, scared child in the quiet, strong 11 year old who sits at my dinner table tonight. She chose take-out and a movie night as a way for our family to spend time together remembering the day she entered our lives.

It is hard for me to see the mother I was then – my journey has been significant. I have transformed from a mom who wasn’t sure if I could love a child of a different mother equally as my biological children to a woman who see my own adoption in Christ more fully. I now understand love, grace, new beginnings, and healing like I never would have without my adopted children. They are examples to me. I am bound to their stories and lives in a way that I can only describe as miraculous.

One of our favorite Christmas movies is “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.” You know the part of the movie when the Grinch realizes that the Whos of Whoville still celebrate Christmas even without the gifts, food, bows, whistles and horns? His heart grows 3 times larger.

That is my heart. Before adoption my heart was small. After adoption – my heart has grown so much that it pops out of it’s box.

The answer to the question I asked myself 8 year ago – could I love an adopted child the same as my bio kids? Yes! The question I didn’t know to ask – would I love the same after my life had been turned upside down by these little people? No. I will never love the same because adoption has grown my heart not just my family.

6 years

Posted on by Tammy

6 years. That is how long we have had Little Man in our lives. I can honestly say that my life would be less blessed and would lack laughter, adventure, and flare if I had not been gifted this child to parent.

Recently and totally out of the blue he told me, “Good thing you named me Isaac (meaning laughter. I didn’t know he knew that.) because I am hilarious.”

I really could write a book with just his quotes, antics, and jokes. But, then again I really might not be able to capture in words how he makes me laugh so hard my sides hurt. He is funny in a way that catches you off guard. Like today when we were praying for his older brother who is getting a tooth pulled. Ouch. Little Man with all seriousness says, “Well at least he will get money for the pain.” Nudging me in the ribs, he then said, “If the tooth fairy remembers to give him a little something for it.” A knowing look shot my way with a “get it done, mom” thrown in for good measure. Hilarious!

I think back to the days before this funny kid. We were in seminary and didn’t have two pennies to rub together. For sure not the time to jump into an adoption. I had a vivid dream two years earlier that God would give us an Isaac – when I saw his photo on a waiting list the hair on the back of my neck stood on end and I knew I had seen our Isaac for the first time.  Timing was irrelevant.  Our son was waiting.

Today as I hugged him a bit tighter remembering the moment they placed him in our arms for the first time – I wanted to weep over what I could have missed. What if we hadn’t stepped out in faith to bring him home? What if we had said we don’t have the money.  This isn’t the right time.  I would probably eat fewer noodles, there wouldn’t be as many messes around my house, and things for sure would be quieter.

But this boy – this boy who flings his arms wide open as he runs – this boy who laughs with his mouth wide open – this boy who buries his face in the food he loves – he has taught me to love and laugh in ways I never would have learned without him. I am forever thankful. I would have missed so much.

81.5 million Americans have considered adoption. If just 1 in 500 of these adults adopted, every waiting child would have a permanent family. (From the Dave Thomas Foundation)

I could have been part of that statistic. For each of our adoptions – it really never felt like the right time. We never felt prepared enough to have another soul join our family. We always thought we needed more resources or finances. I am not sure what propelled us forward. God’s grace really is the only answer that makes any kind of scene.

In his grace he has gifted us with Little Man. On this anniversary of us becoming mom and son – I want to share how thankful I am that I didn’t miss out.

A Few of My Favorite Things

Posted on by Tammy

Everywhere we go, I hear the same phrase. “I don’t know how you do it.” I am not superwoman, have no special powers and truly rely on grace. What I want to say when people ask how I do it – “If you only knew how often I feel like the wheels are coming off the cart.”

But as I reflect on the question – I actually believe there are a few of my favorite things that keep me sane in the midst of our chaotic but joy-filled lives. I want to share them with you, mostly because I wish I had stumbled into them earlier in life. I also hope that you might share with me some of the things that you do to keep sane. I am always looking for new ways to plug into God’s grace and peace.

Just so you know – I am using affiliate links for the Amazon links below. If you purchase using these links, I get a little kickback that supports this site. To learn more click here.

1. My Bible app – I started using Olive Tree Bible App a few years ago. Love it. It offers many different versions and has a “Read through the Bible in a year” plan that I use. I have found keeping track of my daily reading on my iPad keeps things easier. As I sit with my youngest kiddo（who doesn’t like falling asleep on his own） I tap a button and pick up right where I left off. Easy easy.

2. As important as daily reading – I find listening to good content also helps keep my heart on track. I recently came across the podcast “Justice and the Inner Life” Friends, it is so so very good. If you only have time to check out one thing on my favorites list…check out this. They add a new one every month, and as I anticipate the new content, I listen and re-listen to the others. That good.

3. Plexus – I started taking a probiotic, prebiotic, and some good vitamins about 8 months ago. Life changing. Really. My health, sleep, and energy have been so much better since I invested in taking these plant based, all natural, dietary supplements. I wish I had come around to the realization that I need help to keep healthy sooner. Thankful I found this stuff. Shoot me an email if you want more information. Plexus is running a promotion – enroll at a discount to get wholesale prices now until July 10th. I would love to help you get started if you are interested.

4. Essential oils are one of those things that I resisted. I thought they were a fad and I didn’t have time for that. Now I am not sure what I would do without a diffuser filled with lavender and cedar wood to help my weary travelers sleep at night, a roll on of peppermint in my purse for a headache, or a drop of peace and calming on my three year old who just needs a bit of calm. YoungLiving oils have become part of our days and I am better for it. Soon they will be available in China!

5. My mom bought me an instant pot a year ago. Wow. I love that I can prep meals so quickly and make staples like beans in 1/8 of the time. I love my instant pot so much I hand carried it on the plane to take to China with me. If that ain’t love I don’t know what else is.

6. Games – I am learning in order to do life well I need to find time for fun. Games are one of our favorite ways to accomplish this goal. Exploding Kittens, Ticket to Ride, Battle Sheep, Quick Cups, Set, and of course a few Chinese games are Williams family favorites. A good old fashioned game night helps us to laugh and reminds me how much I enjoy doing life with this crew.

7. Last but not least, connecting with nature is one of my most favorite ways to stay sane. It is amazing how 10 minutes sitting on a bench watching birds, a walk in the woods, or a half of a day at the beach can reset my soul. There is something about connecting with Creator God in his creation. I find this hard to do while living in a city of several million people surrounded by concrete. We squeeze as much outside time in while visiting the States, intentionally choose vacation spots where we are surrounded by God’s beauty, or stop for a breath to look at the stars.

Now I have shared a few of my favorites, I really would like to hear yours. This is the time of year I am packing for another year in Asia – and I could use advice. Help me out; leave a comment or shoot me an email and tell me your must haves. What helps you thrive? What would you pack in your bag? How do you intentionally spend your time in order to nurture your soul?

The end of another year

Posted on by Tammy

I have a little ritual – to write an end of our year review for homeschool. I started these posts for my mom, but they have morphed into a memento of sorts for me too. I love looking back and seeing how far the kids have come over the year….and even taking a peek at years past.

With a son who will be entering his 3rd year of high school, now more than ever, I feel the need to really slow down and recognize how far we have come. We started this homeschool journey when Soccer Dude was entering 1st grade. With a few years off while we lived in Kentucky, we have been at this for 8 years. Actually, I should write a post about how far I have come as a home educator. I knew nothing back then! Maybe I will add that for next year. For now, I am celebrating the end of another year.

Here is a peek at what the kids have learned this year, where they are headed, and some encouragement to myself that we have accomplished a lot during this crazy year. Wohoo for another year in the books!

Moe: Age 3 (our pre-school comic relief) This guy is everyone’s favorite. Each of the big kids take a turn playing with Moe as I homeschool. That really is one of the only ways I can keep sane while homeschooling 5 children with a pre-schooler under my feet. What started out as a chore (babysitting) turned into the privilege everyone fought over. Moe is just fun to be with. Play dough, reading picture books, forts, light saber fights…the kids all love finding ways to keep their three year old brother entertained during school time. You can bet that he also entertains us as he pretends to be a cat or a kangaroo.

Favorite subject: trucks and tractors

What he wants to be when he grows up: Grandpa

Favorite food: hot dogs

Biggest accomplishment: Moe has been in our family for just a bit over a year. Hard to believe when you hear him talk. He rocks English. He narrates EVERYTHING. “Look. There is a truck coming. That is a big truck. I like trucks. Mom, do you like trucks? Trucks can go over speed bumps.” On and on it goes, in perfect english. He is amazing.

Little Man: (Our 2nd grade graduate.) This guy is as smart as he is hilarious. He has taught me more about dinosaurs and the Jurassic period then I ever have cared to learn. He also can pronounce more dinosaurs names than I can.

Favorite subject: Math and geography (because he can do it fast.)

What he wants to be when he grows up: Archeologists

Favorite food: Chinese noodles

Biggest accomplishment: Little Man attended an art class that I taught for local kids. This year I have seen his Chinese language skills improve, his ability to make local friends has improved and our outgoing dude is blossoming. During one class I caught him challenging the boys to see if they could stomp on his foot hard enough to make him cry. I couldn’t help but laugh at all of the boys who were in awe over how strong Little Man is – none of them can stomp hard enough on his fake leg to make him flinch! I wonder when he might show them that he wears a prosthetic! That is our Little Man for ya.

Little Monkey: (completed 5th grade) It might be time for a new nickname for this sweet young lady. She is growing and maturing so quickly. It is fun to see the person she is becoming. We spent a chunk of time this year helping her determine her talents, gifts, and what she enjoys doing. She feels most comfortable following her big sister’s footsteps – but it has been fun to see her come into her own a bit this year.

Favorite subject: Geography and literature. It is even better if those two things are combined.

What she wants to be when she grows up: unsure

Favorite food: rice

Biggest accomplishment: urged on by one of her best friends, Little Monkey has determined to practice piano enough hours to make herself an expert. Based on the idea that 10,000 hours of practice can make you an expert in a field – she has upped her piano practice time in hopes that she can be an expert before she is mom’s age!

Roo: (will be starting High School in the fall!) This girl loves the arts. Painting, drawing, playing piano, knitting, crafting….you name it. Our home would not be the same without this creative spirit who is always pressing us to do school in a new way, bringing a creative twist to our lessons and thinking of some new fun way to entertain her brothers.

Favorite subject: She would say art and that she hates math – but really she is very good at math and language. This girl can diagram a sentence better than her momma.

As a family we based our homeschooling on My Father’s World’s curriculum “Exploring Countries and cultures.” Roo has loved our family read a-louds that are based on expats who have lived and worked around the world. We were all inspired by the series “Christian Hero’s: Then and Now.” We plan to read many more of them. This year, I have watched this tendered hearted girl fall in love with and have a heavy heart for a particular country and people group. Makes me wonder where she will end up one day.

Favorite food: ice cream

Biggest accomplishment: I will let this photo of one of her art projects speak for itself. I love seeing her art skills develop. This is was an assignment she did after studying famous artists including Van Gough.

B: (Surprise addition to our homeschool crew.) This guy is so very smart. I can’t even begin to put it into words. Our original goal was to slowly introduce him to our educational ways – let him hang with Little Man with 2nd grade work as he learns english. No pressure for him or for me. HA! I saw in the first week that wouldn’t work. We did placement after placement test for math. When he aced the 5th grade placement test even though he has had little formal education, I knew it was going to be hard to keep a head of this kid. He is learning words in math like parallelogram, is racing through Rosetta Stone English and is being diligent in his Explode the Code series.

Favorite subject: Math

Favorite food: gan ban (A Chinese noodle dish)

Biggest accomplishment: acclimating to our family. He has rocked this life change. I can’t say enough about how strong, flexible, kind, and tender-hearted this kiddo is. So thankful that he has joined our homeschooling crew this year.

Soccer Dude: (10th grade graduate – he is half way through High School!) We made a lot of changes in homeschooling this guy. Last year he was enrolled in an online High School. It was a good solid program and he did well, but it was hard on all of us to have him at the computer all day long. So this year, he took two classes online and we went back to traditional homeschooling the other courses. I was nervous at the beginning of the year, but it has been so much better for all of us. I am thankful to be more involved in his schoolwork again, he has taken more initiative in his learning, and we are having some big and good conversations. Who says parenting and homeschooling the teen years are hard? I am learning with them and enjoying this journey….even with the bumps along the way.

Favorite subject: Science (that is a new things this year!)

Favorite food: grilled bratwurst (can you tell he spent more time in the states this year?!)

Biggest accomplishment: Grieving well. This might sound like a weird thing to put here, but seriously this guy has been an example to me. He is leaning into Jesus as he has walked through the grief of saying goodbye to a foster brother he adored and loosing both of his grandmothers. When we transitioned to the States for the spring semester he did it with strength that rarely is seen in a teenager. He has handled it all well and is finishing his 10th grade year with all A’s. I am proud of him – not just for his high grades, but for setting aside his life and friends to help his Papa. It gives me a glimpse into the great man he is becoming.

I have never been so ready for our summer break. It has seemed like a long year and I have often felt that I could not meet all of the educational needs of these 6 souls – not to mention keeping our home going! I appreciate looking back over the year and seeing how God has met all of our needs – the needs of the kids and mine!

I am taking a deep breath and enjoying the beach before it is time to start another round of the Williams academy.