Intentional

A weekend away is just what the doctor ordered before the crazy hits. The countdown is on. We fly across the ocean in five days.

We have done this routine many times, but it still catches me off guard. Thinking through what a family will need until the next time we are in the States, packing, weighing, and repacking suitcases to exactly 50 lbs, checking lists, packing up the house we have been staying in the past five and a half months, saying goodbyes and squeezing in as much American food as possible before we leave – well, it is intense.

This time we intentionally started the work early and planned a weekend off before the final push towards being ready to go. Deep woods camping with no internet or cell coverage was such a great break. I needed the time to set aside my lists and focus on the kids. I can’t say that I was totally successful – it is a hard discipline for me to set aside a large job and be present. I tried.

Fishing and playing in a freezing cold river was the highlight of the weekend for some of the kids while others felt that the highlight was playing games and the campfire. Who doesn’t love gathering sticks and throwing them in the fire pit? We swam in a lake and watched the loons. We embraced life with a wheelchair and experimented with short hikes and enjoying nature as we drove trails.

I hate that while I was trying to focus on marshmallows on sticks my mind would wander to the suitcases waiting in our living room. For me, the struggle is real. I know I need rest. I know my family needs the break and the fun – but the story that rolls around in my head can have a desperate tune.

“If you don’t keep at it, then the job won’t get done. There isn’t time to rest. You are too busy for sabbath.” I am fighting hard against these lies. The truth is, I might not have everything wrapped up as cleanly because we went camping in the midst of our craziest week of the year. But play, rest and time to seek God in the midst of the storm is always worth it. That is the truth I am leaning into. I need to set things aside and seek God. I need a break from the demands of life. God created me for rest, fun and relationship.

My goal for the coming year – to be intentional about rest, fun and sabbath so that my relationship with Jesus will be fuller. The camping trip is just the beginning.

Next time I write will be from the other side of the world. I would appreciate your prayers as we prepare and travel, but more than that would, you pray for my soul as I lean into the discipline of sabbath? What have you found that helps you to seek Father in new ways? How do you practice sabbath in the midst of your crazy?

Pursued

I like to be seen as a strong one — able and all together. But, man, I have had some moments when I come to an edge of myself and wonder what will talk me back down.

I was having one of these moments last month as I was driving my girls to meet their Aunt. They had set up a girls weekend with their Aunt, who lives in another city, and we were going to meet halfway for her to pick up the girls.

I was running a bit late for the meetup — all the time wondering how I was late because I had felt ahead of things not 30 minutes before. You know the drill — we are all on time, but then one kid needed to use the bathroom. One kid couldn’t find his leg (a real life problem in our home). I was scrambling for the GPS directions on my phone and Roo had to run in for one more item, one more time.

On time had now turned to LATE.

Twenty minutes into our forty-five minute drive, I realized I did not have my cell phone. The phone with the GPS directions. The phone that gave me the ability to call my sister-in-law.

Seriously, all I could remember was that our meet up location was at some gas station on a country road in the middle of nowhere — but not past the river. If I made it to the river, I had gone too far.

So it was decision time. Turn around to get the phone and be even later? Drive and hope I find some random gas station through the woods — but not over the river?

I was getting hot. Panicking. Knowing I was going to be disappointing those around me. Late would be later. Late would be lost. Having it all together was coming unglued. You know what I mean?

I have the ability to tell myself all kinds of stories in my head. They can be filled with God’s truth or they can be laced with my own harsh expectations for myself. It is in these moments that I have a choice. That day I was starting to go down the path of not showing myself grace. Driving, fuming, wondering why this was the thing that was causing me to unravel. I’m struggling with all these thoughts while trying to find our meeting place.

My mind was whirling…

Wait. Is that a river I just crossed — or is that considered a creek in these parts? Have I gone too far? Do I turn around or keep going? We sure are in the middle of no where!

The five kids in the van with me were silent watching me come increasingly unglued as I kept driving without a cell phone — without GPS. For the love, why am I so dependent on a cell phone?!

Just when I was sure we had gone too far and missed the gas station, one came into view. A gas station with my husband sitting in the parking lot holding my phone.

He had pursued me.

He had realized I left without my phone and gambled on which way I would go. He decided to be late for the meeting that he had scheduled to ensure I would not end up upset and lost. We won’t mention how fast he had to drive to beat me there!

When I saw him, the tears started. The true narrative of my soul was brought back into focus. I am loved. I am pursued. I am protected. If my husband (who I admit isn’t perfect — just amazing) will do all of these things, how much more my Heavenly Father?

Why am I sharing this story with you? Actually, this post is more for me than you. I don’t want to forget that I am a pursued woman. One who is loved so deeply by God. When life feels out of control, I want this story to be the one that comes to my mind. These truths are what I want to quiet my soul when the world would blare the opposite.

Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.”

God’s love has saved me. It is a steadfast covenant that I can count on. His love never ends and is the message that I want to share with my life. But, you know what I need to claim most often? You know what message I need to repeat over and over? The thing I need to write on a note card and put in my pocket?

God’s love can quiet me and my Lord rejoices over me.

When I am late, missing the mark, unglued, disappointing everyone else. When life feels out of control with small things like forgetting my cell phone or with large things like cancer, politics and injustice…God is pursuing us with the goal of quieting our souls. We are pursued. Loved. Kept.

Repeat the story of God’s love in your head and heart. Sing it. Remember it. Live it.

A Few of My Favorite Things

Everywhere we go, I hear the same phrase. “I don’t know how you do it.” I am not superwoman, have no special powers and truly rely on grace. What I want to say when people ask how I do it – “If you only knew how often I feel like the wheels are coming off the cart.”

But as I reflect on the question – I actually believe there are a few of my favorite things that keep me sane in the midst of our chaotic but joy-filled lives. I want to share them with you, mostly because I wish I had stumbled into them earlier in life. I also hope that you might share with me some of the things that you do to keep sane. I am always looking for new ways to plug into God’s grace and peace.

Just so you know – I am using affiliate links for the Amazon links below. If you purchase using these links, I get a little kickback that supports this site. To learn more click here.

1. My Bible app – I started using Olive Tree Bible App a few years ago. Love it. It offers many different versions and has a “Read through the Bible in a year” plan that I use. I have found keeping track of my daily reading on my iPad keeps things easier. As I sit with my youngest kiddo(who doesn’t like falling asleep on his own) I tap a button and pick up right where I left off. Easy easy.

2. As important as daily reading – I find listening to good content also helps keep my heart on track. I recently came across the podcast “Justice and the Inner Life” Friends, it is so so very good. If you only have time to check out one thing on my favorites list…check out this. They add a new one every month, and as I anticipate the new content, I listen and re-listen to the others. That good.

3. Plexus – I started taking a probiotic, prebiotic, and some good vitamins about 8 months ago. Life changing. Really. My health, sleep, and energy have been so much better since I invested in taking these plant based, all natural, dietary supplements. I wish I had come around to the realization that I need help to keep healthy sooner. Thankful I found this stuff. Shoot me an email if you want more information. Plexus is running a promotion – enroll at a discount to get wholesale prices now until July 10th. I would love to help you get started if you are interested.

4. Essential oils are one of those things that I resisted. I thought they were a fad and I didn’t have time for that. Now I am not sure what I would do without a diffuser filled with lavender and cedar wood to help my weary travelers sleep at night, a roll on of peppermint in my purse for a headache, or a drop of peace and calming on my three year old who just needs a bit of calm. YoungLiving oils have become part of our days and I am better for it. Soon they will be available in China!

5. My mom bought me an instant pot a year ago. Wow. I love that I can prep meals so quickly and make staples like beans in 1/8 of the time. I love my instant pot so much I hand carried it on the plane to take to China with me. If that ain’t love I don’t know what else is.

6. Games – I am learning in order to do life well I need to find time for fun. Games are one of our favorite ways to accomplish this goal. Exploding Kittens, Ticket to Ride, Battle SheepQuick Cups, Set, and of course a few Chinese games are Williams family favorites. A good old fashioned game night helps us to laugh and reminds me how much I enjoy doing life with this crew.

7. Last but not least, connecting with nature is one of my most favorite ways to stay sane. It is amazing how 10 minutes sitting on a bench watching birds, a walk in the woods, or a half of a day at the beach can reset my soul. There is something about connecting with Creator God in his creation. I find this hard to do while living in a city of several million people surrounded by concrete. We squeeze as much outside time in while visiting the States, intentionally choose vacation spots where we are surrounded by God’s beauty, or stop for a breath to look at the stars.

Now I have shared a few of my favorites, I really would like to hear yours. This is the time of year I am packing for another year in Asia – and I could use advice. Help me out; leave a comment or shoot me an email and tell me your must haves. What helps you thrive? What would you pack in your bag? How do you intentionally spend your time in order to nurture your soul?

That time of year

Time for another new leg. Little Man isn’t so little any more and continues to grow out of these prosthetic legs. In fact, this year his amazing team of docs have decided that it is time to up the game a bit. His leg needs to be higher tech in order to meet his physical needs. In other words – our active boy has outgrown the simple leg design he has used until this time.

They are now making him a sleeve made out of a thick neoprene material that will create suction on his residual limb and then lock the leg in place with a pin. It is amazing. At the first fitting, Little Man declared that it felt like he was walking on a marshmallow. He is pumped by the cool lock system and excited by the soft fit.

After his second appointment to test the new leg design, our whole family had a very special treat. Clearwater Marine Aquarium invited us to meet Winter – the dolphin who stars in the movie “A Dolphin Tale.” The timing was perfect. Little Man has been attending swimming lessons and working so hard. He was over the moon excited to meet Winter, who can swim with or without her prosthetic tail.

Clearwater Marine Aquarium went above and beyond in making our day a memorable experience. Little Man was their VIP, and he ate up the attention.

The sweet woman who gave us the tour answered all of his 100 million questions about each animal they have rescued. We got to see places where the movies had been filmed, saw the animal “hospital” and where they prepare food for the animals. We met some amazing animals – so many turtles without flippers, otters who were orphaned, eels who needed help with their symbiotic relationships, and of course Winter with no tail. Hearing each of their stories was inspiring.

But they didn’t stop there – they freely gave to our family in hopes of inspiring our new swimmer. They succeeded. Little Man’s favorite part of the day was his animal encounter with Hope. He wasn’t able to meet Winter up close because she is in intense physical therapy at this time, but he was so excited to hear how they make new prosthetic tails for Winter. Her tail is made of a neoprene sleeve similar to the leg he will have.

Clutching his new stuffed animal (a dolphin with a prosthetic tail that CMA gave to him), he said goodbye to Winter through the glass of her tank. He encouraged her to try hard in her physical therapy, and he would try hard in his swim lessons. Melt your heart sweet. He claimed it was the best day of his life. To be honest our whole family had a great day watching him feel special, celebrated, and encouraged.

Thank you so much Clearwater Marine Aquarium for taking such good care of our animals and for inspiring kiddos like Little Man.

Unexpected diagnosis

It just “happens” that we were asked to adopt the now 14 year old who has been on our hearts for years. We said yes. As a family, this is who God has called us to be. We didn’t go looking to adopt again. We thought we were done. God had a different idea. When you commit to following Jesus and loving the people He puts in your life, the journey can be very different than what you expect.

We are experiencing this truth in full force with our new son, B. It was a miracle that God brought him to us and provided for his adoption in four short months. We continue to see that miracle unfold as we watch him grow and blossom in our family. We tried to prepare ourselves for what adding a teenager to our family would be like. I had prepped myself for teenage attitude, bonding difficulties, anger and meltdowns. That has not been our reality. He has blown every one of our expectations out of the water. He is sweet and kind with his new siblings. He willingly is learning our family ways and takes joy in being with us. He is learning English at an alarming rate (he learned the English for isosceles acute triangle in Math. How does he know a word that I just had to look up how to spell inorder put it in this blog post?!) He also is becoming stronger with physical therapy, and he loves s’mores, 4-wheeler rides and a good game of “Quick Cups” or “Exploding Kittens.” In general he is a happy and kind kiddo – a wheelchair rolling miracle, and I am so blessed to be a part of his amazing life.

Our expectations for our new son also did not include a diagnosis of Spinal Muscular Atrophy. The test results are in, and we are so very thankful to know the root cause of his muscle weakness. At this time, we aren’t sure what this diagnosis means for him or for our family. We are consulting with multiple doctors, looking into treatment plans and trusting that God is in control.

We would appreciate your prayers in the coming weeks as we continue to seek how to best care for B. We specifically need prayers for wisdom and guidance. This journey God is taking us on….it isn’t what we expected, but we are thankful for the unexpected joy of a teen who so easily has loved us and is a blessing to love in return and we are also thankful that we serve a God who is never surprised by the unexpected. Trusting Him.

No pity hugs, please.

I am new at this – but I am not. Maybe, I just feel new to being a mom to special ability kids because I still fumble to find the right words. I don’t think quick enough on my feet to diffuse a surprising situation, and I am still shocked over how folks will treat someone they see as disabled.

I want to start by saying that I don’t intend to rant or rave. I am not complaining, and I am not sure a blog post is the place to really help anyone understand kiddos with special needs. Inspired by this post, I realize that we have to tell the stories of our amazing kids. I really think that many people have not spent time with kiddos who might be labeled in society as disabled. So, I hope this post can serve as a peek at some of the things we face, comments that are made, and what we experience.

Little Man has spent times in and out of a wheelchair leading up to and after re-amputation surgeries. We always have to find a new rhythm. During these times, I realize anew how inaccessible the world can be to those who are immobile, as well as how unaware folks can be.

For example, there is one handicapped stall in the bathroom. Four other stalls are unoccupied, but for some reason the handicapped stall is being used. The desire for extra leg room means that Little Man has to wait unnecessarily to go to the bathroom. What stall your choose in the bathroom…it matters.

At the grocery story, children point, stare and ask rude questions like, “What is wrong with you?” – and all the while the parent stands by gawking. Saying nothing. Word choice matters. Body language matters. I so wish in these situations (Yes, I did mean to make that plural. You could change the location from grocery store to park, church, beach….it happens everywhere.) I wish I could pull the child and parent aside – smile and say- “Let’s not use those words. How about you ask us about the bandage or about the wheelchair?

At times even when comments aren’t made, folks will turn away (or even run from us) hoping to avoid uncomfortable situations or words. Like one day at the park when Little Man’s leg falls off coming down a slide. A child sees his leg flying down the slide first. She screams. Cries. Instead of helping his daughter engage and understand, her dad grabs her by the arm and literally runs. Their park visit cut short because they just weren’t sure what to say or do when my son’s leg came off at a bad time.

I am not new at this. We have been learning the language to use. Preparing our children how to be kind even when those around us don’t exactly know how to handle us. I step in to explain and hopefully help those we encounter to see the world through the eyes of our kiddos….just a little bit. Our goal is for our kids to understand that they are special, loved, unique. There is nothing wrong with them.

So, I thought I was ready. A teen in a wheelchair kinda fits with my experience.

But, not really.

I wasn’t prepared for everyone who really is trying. They want to connect – to include our son in conversation and to help him experience things around him. I think folks just don’t know how to do that. They look at him and wish his life was different – that he didn’t have to be in a wheelchair – and wonder why life handed him this difficult hand. (In other words – pity.)

I truly want to believe that this all comes from a very good place in the hearts of people – but there are just a few things I wish I knew how to change…..

I am walking through the store with two teenage sons. If you wouldn’t dream of patting my other teenage son standing beside me on the head, then please do not consider doing that to my teen in a wheelchair. No head pats. It also is not appropriate to push his chair for him, to offer to help with wheelchair transfers, to ask about his medical condition, to lean down into his personal space or to hug him.

(Frankly, hugging is a big deal. No pity hugs. No. No. No. And actually while we are on the subject – not pity waves, no pity hellos, and hold all pity comments to yourself.)

Why? Why do I become tongue twisted when a woman at church leans down to my teenage son kisses him on top of the head and hugs him? My son who she had never met before. My son who is in a wheelchair and can not lean away. That, my friends, was a pity hug. A hug that says I wish life wasn’t like this for you.

I appreciate the sentiment and the effort, but I really wish I had the chance to have a redo with this woman. I would explain to her that my son has strength, perseverance, and a good attitude thru tremendously difficult situations. I’d invite her to sit with us and get to know how amazing he is…just the way God made him. I have learned so many things from him. I know this woman could too – then she would be in a place to give him a real hug.

At an airport playground a boy came up to Little Man who was wearing shorts and pointed to his leg. “That is weird.” He said. My son replied….”It isn’t weird. Let me show you.” He takes off his leg and starts to hop. “My super power is that I can hop longer than anyone else.” The little boy and his brother stood and stared. I was biting my nails wondering when I should jump in myself. Then I heard the words….”Wow! That is so cool!” Before this lion momma did anything in defense of her cub, Little Man had half of the kids in the play place hopping on one leg. He did out last them all. The next hour was filled with good play. That is how change happens. Weird turns to cool. Pity never takes root. Abilities are seen and applauded.

B won’t be having hopping contests at a play place, but you can get to know him too. He enjoys conversation. You can do this by taking a step back so you can look him in the eyes, pull up a chair next to him or even squatting down next to his chair. (Not sure if I can explain, but that is all very different than leaning down into his space.) Listen to his newest tongue twister – he loves finding new ones in Chinese and now in English too. He loves playing board games and going for walks. You could hold the door for us. Let B carry your bag. He loves helping and is awesome at teaching folks new words in Chinese if you are interested in learning.

Hopping along side my one legged wonder or sitting next to my strong teen – that is where you will find hope alive. Those are the positions that make change happen. Help us write a different story – a story of open communication and seeing things from a different perspective.

Front row seat to a miracle

Who are we to be a part of this miraculous story?

We are beyond humbled and in absolute awe as we see how God is providing for Benjamin to join our family. What seemed impossible is possible. $20,000 came in to pay for this adoption in two short weeks. It is miraculous and we have a front row seat in watching this miracle unfold! Gifts from family who are being so supportive, friends who aren’t calling us crazy (but blessed!) and even gifts from strangers – God has planted the desire on so many hearts to help this teenager find family.

Thank you. I wish I had more eloquent words, because these two small words in no way can convey the deep gratitude of my heart. Your gifts….they have encouraged us. They are making the way possible. They are placing a boy in a family. One less orphan. They are blessing our family with the treasure of another soul, and they mean the difference between us being able to do this or not. Huge. Thank you.

The paperwork is going at lightning speed and the invoices are rolling in – every need has been met and every deadline crushed. All of our paperwork to adopt Benjamin is being authenticated this week and we hope to have it sent to China next week. (In adoption lingo: our dossier will be sent to the CCCWA and we hope to have a letter of approval soon after.) Everything is on track for our family to grow by one at the beginning of the year. 5 short long weeks.

In between mounds of paperwork and grant writing, we are preparing as much as possible. We swapped bedrooms. The girls are now in the smaller room and the boys are in a room that will hold two sets of bunk beds. (That is a reality I never dreamt for my family!) Little Man feels all grown up in the top bunk with Mo sleeping up under him. I look at the empty space under the other bunk and long for the day to have it filled by the newest Williams. I thought this journey – because it is going so fast – would be easier. The waiting has always been the hardest part for me. This adoption is being expedited – the wait is nothing in comparison, but there is just something about knowing your child is sleeping in an orphanage. I can’t wait for those days to be done.

We would appreciate your continued prayers over this next month. Pray that each step of this adoption is expedited and that we will have Benjamin home by mid-January. Pray for us as we continue to prepare…not just our home but our hearts. A big transition is ahead of us, and we know we will need all the grace and mercy God can provide . Benjamin also is facing unspeakable grief as he leaves one world behind and enters this new one. Pray for his heart – for comfort, healing, and peace.

I hesitate to even write this next part, because you have all been soooo generous, but a few people are still asking how to give and how to help us on this journey. We have been given a matching grant through Brittany’s Hope. They will match dollar to dollar every gift given towards our adoption up to $5,000 which means we will end up with $10,000. 100% of the gifts will go to our adoption as they have generous donors who cover all of their overhead expenses. So if you are still feeling led to financially help us bring Benjamin home, then a gift towards this matching grant would be greatly appreciated. You can give your tax deductible gift here。 You can also share about this opportunity by giving folks this link http://www.brittanyshope.org/seedling/williams With this grant we will be very close to being fully funded. Amazing!

Thanks again for following us on this journey. I hope our next update will be telling you that we have all of our paperwork approved and that we were able to tell Benjamin that he will be joining our family.