Tammy

Quail eggs and bus rides

Posted on October 12, 2013 by Tammy

As we get settled into our apartment, one armload at a time, there are some long days. If you need to buy an ironing board, mop and bucket, laundry basket, Tupperware containers, flour and rice (not to mention a coffee pot and rice cooker) it takes many trips on the bus back and forth to the market. You can only hold so many purchases while standing on a crowded bus. There are days I miss our blue minivan!

In contrast, as we settle into new relationships and rekindle old, the time flies!

This evening went by in a flash as we ate hot pot with good Chinese friends. Sipping tea while cooking our food in mini soup bowls at our table as we caught up, equals a perfect evening and marks why we returned. The kids ate so much I thought they might get sick. Our host chuckled that Soccer Dude and Roo had spent enough of their early days here to have a love for the local food that most foreign children don’t have! The young two also enjoyed the meal. When quail eggs were ordered because “children always love these” I had my doubts. To my surprise the kids were popping the tiny eggs in their mouths as if they were candy. I personally wasn’t as fond of them so I stuck with the mushrooms, tofu and rice noodles. All so yummy.

Our friends have also spent some time in Michigan. As we enjoyed the food, I asked them what American food they had enjoyed in the States. “Oh we loved that general tso’s chicken, eggs rolls and sesame chicken you have in the States.” I almost choked on my tofu from laughing. What we call Chinese food in the states is nothing like what they have here!

Enjoying the food and friendships while settling in – it makes the multiple bus trips seem a lot less difficult! 😉

The pictures are a bit blurry, but you get the idea! We had a great time. Somehow I missed getting a photo of Little Man. He was running around the room entertaining everyone and I was focused on keeping him away from the hot soup pots! We will get a photo of him next time!

Firsts

Posted on October 9, 2013October 9, 2013 by Tammy

I read somewhere that to be a mother is to have your heart walking outside your body. Can’t think of a better way to describe how I feel as I watch the kids navigate life. I had to gulp down a lot of emotion as they started international school this week. We are homeschooling in the morning and they are joining the other students for the afternoon where they are learning Chinese and enjoying “specials” like art, music and PE.

Roo, our social butterfly, was ready to jump right in and Soccer Dude had friends from when we lived here before so he was looking forward to meeting up with them daily. Little Monkey…well she is our shy one and did not want to go. It was a bumpy start, but by day two she came home all smiles and telling me about her new friends and proudly showing me the paint on her sleeve from art classes. Phew!

Their school is about a 30 minute bus ride from where we are living on the university campus where hubby is teaching. I say “about” because the first day we attempted to take the kids to school it took us an hour. Two buses flew by our stop. I was not a happy camper waiting on the curb with four kids all who were anxious to get to their new school. Day two it took 15 minutes to get there making them very early. Welcome back to ~~the predictability of~~ public transportation! All part of the adventure.

So where is Little Man in the midst of all this? The first day we all went to help the kids get settled. He was running down the hall of the school yelling, “help me! Where is my class?!” Very safe to say that he is in the extroverted camp and I need to treasure every afternoon of playing trains and reading books I get this year. He will be ready for pre-school when he turns four!

Hubby also had his first day of class. I think he may have been as nervous as his dark eyed daughter! He came home with stories of not having enough time to finish his lecture based on American literature. Doesn’t that just sound like a professor? He is teaching 5 class periods with about 40 students in each class. We are busily setting up a lending library in our apartment and planning open houses and english corners. Excited to see how the semester unfolds.

Over all a good week of many firsts….oh wait, it is only Wednesday. Kinda feel like I have lived a whole week the past three days. Sending the big kids to afternoon school and l am going to lay down and take a nap with Little Man.

Four! Four? Really, you have four?

Posted on October 6, 2013October 6, 2013 by Tammy

A little old lady sat across from us on the public bus. “You have four children?” I smiled and replied which began a stream of statements and a question. “Two look like you. Two don’t. All four of them are your children?” I again explained that yes all four children are mine. I asked her about her children, now all grown and working at a university in a different city. “Your children” she began again, “two have blonde hair, two have black. Those two look the same the other two look alike.”

It became amusing to watch her try to put all the pieces of our family puzzle together. I silently wondered how long to let her worry the facts and when to explain. Adoption is as foreign to some people here as Hubby’s red hair. Even when we tell them our two youngest children are ours through adoption, they do not understand. We have joked that people would understand and believe it more if we told them when you live in America children come out looking American, when you live in China they come out looking Chinese!

Although there have been many conversations similar to our chat with the sweet lady on the bus, we have been pleasantly surprised. We came expecting negative remarks towards adoption. A common phrase is “throw away children.” We of course want to guard Little Monkey and Little Man from that idea which could harm their identity and self worth. I was ready with much affirmation and quick replies in the case of a conversation turning toward hurtful words. But I wasn’t expecting folks to simply not understand the idea of adoption. What a different conversation to have, but I must say we talk more about our “large” family rather than about adoption.

The word we hear the most while out and about….”four?”

Having four children is almost as surprising as us not looking all alike. Because of the one child policy, most Chinese families have one child. To see a mother on a bus with four children in tow is a sight to behold. It puts all my good graces to a test. Nothing like an entire bus watching the antics of my children and how I parent them. You could pr@y for me when you think of that. I would appreciate it!!

So, the Chinese words that I have used most in the ten days we have been back in China. “yes, four!” I need to learn the phrase “How blessed am I!” 🙂

The plane has landed.

Posted on October 3, 2013 by Tammy

We have arrived in our new home and are attempting to settle in. We are doing so much better than I anticipated. Traveling with a restless three year tested my faith. (Three hours into the 13 hour flight he started to state very loudly, “I all done with the plane. Let me off!” Kinda funny. Kinda painful.) We didn’t sleep much during the flights, so when we arrived we were grateful for the beds that were waiting for us. The kids slept through the night and have been going nonstop since.

I have been especially thankful for how Soccer Dude has jumped right back into life here. His best buddy and his family invited us over for dinner our first evening and gave him the waveboard he had left behind when we moved to the States three years ago. The old friendship that was rekindled and his renewed passion for skateboarding have helped him deeply. Sunday morning he was out with the kids in our neighborhood chatting away and sharing his waveboard. That felt miraculous to this mom who has worried way to much about all the transitions our children are going through.

I am not saying the transitions have all been easy. The city has changed drastically over the last three years and it is like starting over in many ways. Most of our energy has been spent running around trying to get our lives set up — getting internet, buying a stove, getting bunk beds and dressers for the kids, unpacking suitcases…exhausting. But we feel encouraged as we mark things off of our list.

Tonight, I was feeling proud of myself as I cooked our first meal in our apartment. That is until I realized we hadn’t bought a can opener (Bryan pried it open with a meat cleaver). I blew a fuse in the apartment by using the new oven, and burnt the garlic bread because I misread the chinese characters on the stove top. Sigh. It will take us a while to be truly settled in I am sure until then all we can do is laugh!

Thank you so much for thinking of us as we traveled. We have a peace that goes beyond reason – we know where that is coming from and are blessed to have so many friends lifting us up. We are grateful.

Changes coming. Here’s how you stay in touch.

Posted on September 21, 2013 by Tammy

In five days we will load the van and head to the airport to start our journey east. As you can imagine we are busy with preparations. Taking down bunkbeds (photo of Little Man “helping” daddy take down his bed), packing suitcases, saying good-byes and planning for the next chapter of our lives.

Part of preparing to go includes making some changes to our blog. Facebook isn’t as reliable in China so I will not be able to link my posts directly to Facebook from here on out. If you would like to continue to read about our family – our passions and pursuits – then you will need to subscribe. Simply click on the “Sign Me Up” button at the top of the side bar to the right.

This blog is about to have a bunch of new exciting stories! Thank you so much for following us on our journey back to China.

Three years toward forever

Posted on September 18, 2013 by Tammy

I vividly recall waiting in a Chinese hotel room. I had just jumped out of my skin when the phone rang telling us that our new daughter was in the lobby and on her way to our room. I panicked trying to decide if I should hold the video camera, pull out a gift or just sit and stare at the door. Those few moments felt like a lifetime. I wanted to shout for joy, cry out of despair and throw-up from the mass amounts of emotion rushing through my body. Those moments were just as painful and exhilarating as the birthing moments of my first two children. Our family was about to be one more. I held my breath.

Thinking back on that day brings tears even now, three years later. My heart broke that day and grew to a capacity that I can not explain. My Little Monkey pressed me into a better person able to love in ways I never knew possible – that is the miracle of adoption.

The nannies that brought her to me would not recognize the girl dancing through my kitchen today. Her long hair flying behind her as she laughs and twirls teasingly away from her little brother. I almost could forget that she hasn’t always been here. Gone are the sad haunting eyes. She now is a six year old who loves life and ponders the meaning of everything. Just recently she asked us “Could God make a fish that is to heavy for him to hold?” Stunning. That is all I can say about this girl and who she is becoming!

It might seem funny to celebrate the day she joined our family by going roller skating. But a day hanging out as a family enjoying each other and just being thankful – perfect. Well almost perfect. As we chased each other, held on tight so we wouldn’t fall and teased Hubby for being so clumsy – I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing.

There is always an empty chair at our family celebrations…for the family we can not see but whom we are forever connected. They are missing and my heart aches for them. Somewhere there is a woman who must be hilarious, eager to help, beautiful and agile – where else would my sweet Little Monkey get these traits? There is a man who is courageous, strong yet shy. I see him in my little girl. I even wonder about siblings. I guess an empty chair isn’t enough…I feel like there is a roomful of people who are missing out on celebrating our girl. Maybe some day…

For now, we celebrate what we know. Three years. Three amazing years. Thankful for every moment and looking forward to the rest of forever.

Happy family day, Little Monkey!

Umm. Wow. We don’t have this race thing figured out.

Posted on September 17, 2013 by Tammy

Thrilled to have an Asian woman in the spotlight – talented, well-educated (in Michigan to boot!) just the type of woman I appreciate my daughters seeing succeed. History was made by the first Indian-American being crowned Miss America, but the spotlight quickly shifted. It became clear racism is alive and kicking in the United States as a flood of hateful tweets focused on the heritage of the winner.

“Miss America? You mean Miss 7-11.”

“I swear I’m not racist but this is America.”

Or my personal favorites were the tweets calling her Arab and making statements like:

“And the Arab wins Miss America. Classic.”

You can read a whole list of tweets here. Be aware the language is stiff.

Backing up a few years…I was picking Little Monkey up from pre-school at the beginning of the year. The moms hanging out in the hallway were still getting to know each other. One mom asked me – “Which child is yours?” Now, I had already been down this path before and learned to cut to the chase. If I say, “the girl in pink,” the poor soul who asked continues to search the room not thinking to connect me to a daughter who looks so different from myself. So I say – “the Chinese one.” (Yes, that year she was the only Asian in her class. That is a topic for a different post!)

On that day, it was my turn to be surprised. The mom who asked gave me an earful when I told her my child was the Chinese-American. “Well, I teach my children not to label based on ethnicity!! We play with, love and accept everyone….well except the Arabs who live down the street from us. I won’t let them play with Arabs! Anyway, just maybe you should think before labeling your child.”

Wow. I seriously was speechless. I mean what can you say after that?

Just putting it out there….my child is Chinese-American. I love that. It is part of what makes her her and it shapes our family in beautiful ways. Pretending that our family looks like every other family or coming up with unique non-labels is ignorant to the reality that ethnicity matters and should be talked about.

It was disheartening to read the comments after Miss America was crowned, but I am hopeful. Maybe, just maybe folks will see that racism is still an issue and more conversations need to be had about ethnicity.

Reality setting in – 2 weeks and counting

Posted on September 13, 2013 by Tammy

Maybe it is the tables in my carport laden with our belongings ready to sell – or the suitcases and boxes I am tripping over throughout the house – or maybe it is the fact that we bought plane tickets and have a departure date in – no matter, reality is setting in. We are moving to Asia…in 14 days. Craziness.

In the past most of our major life changes have come with much planning and a lot of prep time. We have spent a year planning for a past international move. Our first adoption took 3 years the other a year. Dated my hot red head for 2 years before I decided marrying him would be an option. See….I am a planner.

You can imagine how this planner is going nuts right about now.

There are legal pads spread throughout the house….just in case I think of something I need to do in the next two weeks before we leave. I am trying to cope – but to be honest, this is totally out of my control which makes me think that Gd is up to something in my life and is about to do something huge.

Duh!

I guess the first clue could have been the miraculous open door for us to return to Asia followed by all the documents needed. Then when you add in the pr@yer support and 75% of the funds we need coming in – well it should be a no-brainier that Gd is up to something.

Slow.

Blonde.

Human.

Whatever the reason, at times I still doubt and wonder. Will this all come together? Can we really get there? Is this really happening? See what I mean. If I had been saved out of Egypt by the deliverer….I would have been one who complained about walking in the desert, scared when pressed toward the Red Sea, grumbling when I wanted water, bread and meat. So thankful that we learn from those stories that our Savior is merciful and forgiving with His people.

I can trust that in my weakness He will be glorified.

I can’t wait to be able to write to you from the other side of the ocean. I will be able to tell you that it is accomplished. What a great story to tell.

boxes, and sharpies, and tape. Oh MY!

Posted on September 9, 2013September 9, 2013 by Tammy

I have the spiritual gift of packing. It might not be listed in the book of Corinthians – but I am sure it is a legit spiritual gift. Joking aside, moving 9 times in the last 14 years might have something to do with my ability to pack up a house. Moving across town, in 4 different states and 4 international moves – we have done it all.

Even with all of my packing experience this move still does seem a bit overwhelming. With each additional child it seems to get a bit harder…Or that is what I want to say. But honestly, for our last move I used the “rake it into a box” method and got rid of NOTHING. I am paying for that now. I distinctively remember putting a box of half used wrapping paper bits into the moving van. I knew that was nuts. A dear friend who was helping me pack even called me out on the silliness – but I stubbornly held on to bits of paper. I am not really sure why.

There is nothing like a good international move to help me simplify my life and really evaluate my treasures. Seriously do I need this many pairs of shoes? Where did all of these books come from? If it is called a junk drawer then I probably don’t need anything that is in it.

Crazy how stuff can creep in and take over areas of my heart that they have no business owning.

So I am not just packing. I am getting my heart in order. I am cleaning out what doesn’t belong so that there is room to do something meaningful. As I put my hand to the task, I have four Littles watching. We all are fitting our lives into 12 suitcases – but we are reminded that even with that amount of belongs we are better off than 90% of the world. Humbling.

Now, don’t go painting me as some holy saint. I was just eating a bag of chips with nacho dip (comfort food) as I decided what shirts to purge from my closet. I haven’t figured this whole thing out yet, but one ~~step~~ box at a time I am getting there.

I really don’t want to be thought of as a person with a gift for packing. Instead I am asking Father to help me to have the spiritual discipline of living simply and trusting only in Him.