Author: Tammy

The newest members of our family

Posted on by Tammy

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I have ornithophobia.

I freely admit that I suffer from an irrational fear that I will be attacked by a bird.  I will spare you the details, but let’s just say a red-winged black bird that lived at the end of our road when I was a kid…well I have never been the same.  So when my eldest son came home from a play date with a family who has chickens, I bought him a book and said, “NO.” (I do blame you, Amy Kinnell.)

That is when my life began to fill with chicken trivia.  I started learning things such as – the nutritional value of fresh eggs laid by free range chickens.   You can tell what color egg a chicken will lay based on the color of feathers in its ear flap.  Iowa is the state that produces the most eggs and the differences between a Leghorn and a Rhode Island Red are significant.   It has been endless.  When we rented a home in Florida with a huge yard outside the city limits, it was fuel to the fire.

I am not sure when my heart started to soften….somewhere between Leghorn and Rhode Island, perhaps.  Somehow the love for my son overrode my fear.  What a mother will do!?

The best birthday gift ever came in the form of two free chickens and  a grandpa who helped find scrap lumber and the time to help build a coop.   Soccer Dude was so excited he had a hard time sleeping.  I found him gazing out his bedroom window at the half constructed coop!

Saturday was the big day.  We picked up the hens and settled them in to their new home.  I must admit they don’t seem as menacing as I had imagined.  They haven’t required much work so far and the kids have loved following them around the yard.  There was a moment of panic when “Cluck” (the white Leghorn hen) spooked and took off towards the woods.  The kids began to yell for me to come catch the bird.  I folded my arms at the back door.  My love doesn’t go that far.  Big Girl deemed it a “chicken miracle” when Cluck made her way back to her roost.  I am sure it was the grace of God knowing that I couldn’t handle a chicken chase!

So here they are.  The newest members of the Williams Village, Cluck and Hongse (red in Chinese) who are supposed to give me fresh eggs, but somehow have become life long residence of our family with names of their own.  We are not buying a book about goats.  sigh.

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Happy Birthday, Sam!

Posted on by Tammy

IMG_4524Eleven years ago, Bryan Williams and I were given an amazing gift.  (Could it really have been eleven years ago that I became a mom?)  The miraculous moment of his birth was a gift, but at the time I had no idea what that little bundle was going to add to my life.  I definitely am smarter because of him.  (He informs me of many facts each day that I scramble to verify.)   I am healthier (wouldn’t even consider raising chickens for fresh eggs if I didn’t have a son obsessed with hens.)   I am more creative (who would have thought that creating with legos could feel like a form of art?)  I also am more compassionate and not as self-centered (nothing like parenthood to show you how life isn’t just about you!)  Each year I am more grateful for this amazing kiddo God has entrusted us with.

A couple of days ago he asked me, “do you know how many years till I am a teenager?”  I about drove the van off the edge of the road.  Really hadn’t thought of it.  Thanks to my soccer dude – I now, can hardly get it out of my brain.

Time is flying.  So my goal is to soak it all in and enjoy every minute.  When he is reading a book instead of doing his chores, when he is making Little Man scream during one of his crazy piggyback rides, and even when he is making my head spin with another extremely logical argument – I am going to pause and remember that he won’t always be a little boy.   Not an easy thing for me to keep a hold of in the midst of our daily chaos.  Really?  I won’t always be doing a zillion loads of a laundry?   There could come a day when there won’t be barbie shoes or legos under my feet?  There might be a night when no one calls out my name?

I already have forgotten the smell of my newborn.  The fear of those first days of being a mom have been replaced with a normal hum…making it painfully clear.   We have a season with this gift.  This job will all to soon come to an end.   I need to invest all that I have.

Lord help me to make the most of every moment.

Bringing in the New Year

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The top ten blessings of 2012:

1.  Adopting Little Man

2.  Watching Little Man learn to walk

3.  Moving near family in Florida

4.  Hubby’s new job as Outreach and Groups Pastor at Rivertown Community Church

5.  Going back to homeschooling

6.  Soccer Dude blossoming in the role of big brother

7.  Watching Roo advance in her art skills

8.  Little Monkey accepting Christ as her Savior

9.  Hubby graduating with his Masters (okay this happens after one class in January, but I am counting it early.  I am one excited and proud wife!)

10.  Knowing God’s presence through all of the transitions of 2012

Looking forward to all the blessings that God has in store for us in 2013!

Leg overboard

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We thought that a walk through the mall would be a great way to give Little Man some needed practice walking on two legs.  The floors are nice and smooth, the stroller is fun for him to push, and there is always something to look at – perfect.

He did great.  By the time we hit the Apple Store he had earned a well deserved break.

It was like any other time in a very crowded Apple Store.  Daddy was drooling over the devices, big kids happily playing at the computer stations and Little Man chill’n in the stroller.  That is when I noticed the stares.  Not the normal “look at the bi-racial family, are those kids adopted?” peeks and then quick looks away.  I am talking straight right out starring with looks of complete horror.

Little Man had decided that he had enough.  He yanked off his leg and pitched it out the side of the stroller.

If only we had a video camera – I am sure we would be the proud $10,000 winners of this seasons AFV.

The folks around us were sure some grave accident had taken place as they saw a limb of my child fall to the floor.  For some it took seconds, for others a few moments, until the looks of relief, giggles, and yes even a few frowns of disdain followed.  It’s not every day you see a leg flying!

We walked away from the apple store with a leg in the bottom of our stroller.  I am sure a few folks turned to look twice at that as well! 😉

The adjustments of adding Little Man to our family actually have been quite few.  Like any additional child our family has had to rearrange ourselves to accommodate our added blessing, but it has been easier than I ever thought it could be.  We enjoy the funny moments that have been added to our lives like running around the house before church yelling – “where is your brother’s leg?”  It makes the kids crack up every time!

The part that I am not sure I will ever get used to….the folks who choose a look of disdain rather than laughing with us.

In China I expected prejudice against those with disabilities and visual differences.  But this is the United States, where the underdog can make it.  Here all are equal.  If you pull yourself up by your boot straps you are applauded and the News stations swarm in for the good story of a man without legs who has made it to the Olympics.  But in real life – at the park – my son is called “a freak” by the children who never have been exposed to someone who isn’t deemed “perfect” and doesn’t look like them.   I actually can forgive the children easily.  My fury rises up as the parents shrug a shoulder and say, “oh she has never seen anything like that before.”  Caught off guard they don’t know what to say.

A leg overboard in the apple store…..hilarious as I watched the faces of people in an unguarded moment confronted with something they have never seen before.  It will be a memory our family laughs over for years to come.  But it also gave us pause.  We have begun to think of a deeper issue that lays dormant in the hearts of many.

What does a teacher really think when he or she discovers after months that a child who they thought was “normal” turns out to be adopted?   When a prosthetic leg falls off at a soccer game will the other families act out in shock?   What would my child say at the park?  Is freak in their vocabulary?

Our little Man is like any two year old.  He makes a motor sound every time he says the word car; he is obsessed with Big Bird and Cookie Monster; he grunts when he says the word poop and makes a big smacking sound when he declares, “bye, bye LOVE YOU!”   I hope people slow down and look twice rather than making judgements based on our family’s story or his limbs.

Christmas 2012

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IMG_4647I hung Christmas lights on our roof in 100 billion degree weather while wearing a tank top and flip flops.  As I balanced over the peak the hilarity of the situation struck me.  Growing up I froze my tushy off helping my dad hang lights.   My life officially is the opposite of anything I would have expected.

All the baking, decorating, card writing (that didn’t happen), crafts and Christmas stories – these were the things I planned and were the things I thought would help us to celebrate the Birth of our Savior.  But the things I didn’t plan….well, the unexpected moments of joy are the parts of this Christmas that I will treasure.

Little Man came down with another cold the week before Christmas.  He has had a hard month adjusting to his prosthetic, us trying to figure out physical therapy and being sick on top of it all.  His high fever last Saturday almost kept us from church, but at the last minute he was feeling better so we went.   We took him into service with us rather than exposing other children to our germs.  As we sang Christmas hymns Little Man joined, his unrecognizable babbles and sweet clapping marking his first Christmas.

After the service all four kids played.  I seriously have 4 of the sweetest kids!

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Little Monkey asked for Legos “that are for girls not boys.”  She was thrilled with the pink tub of pieces her Aunt gave her and the set Hubbie and I found to add to it.  She opened the boxes immediately (huge deal for our sweet girl who usually won’t open anything new but likes to save them.)  What I found an hour later….Soccer Dude sprawled out on the floor with the directions.  I watched from the door as he explained how she could follow the directions in the booklet and find the pieces for that page.  They were like that for the afternoon.  It was beyond precious and I treasured the moment in my heart.

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Roo could be voted the most fun child to have around for a holiday.  She appreciates every gift, big or small, and is always making something and giving little heartfelt gifts.  She exclaims loudly “thanks so much.  I love it!”  even if she is not sure what is in the box!

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Roo cheered for her little brother when he figured out how to peel the paper from a gift…..causing him to cheer loudly.  The rest of our day, any time a gift was opened we heard the loud cheers of an excited 2 year old!  Such joy!  Little Man’s favorite gifts were a big bird and trucks of course!

It was a great first Christmas for Little Man and for our family in Florida.

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What shapes a family

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As I watched my two year old take steps with his new prosthetic leg with the other three children cheering him on, I took a deep breath.  I didn’t want to breathe just so I would always remember this feeling.

You ever have one of those moments?  Time stops.  I am totally aware of all that is around me and I realize, “This is what I was created for.  God made me for this moment.”   This is my life.

Being a mom and adoption is hard work….harder than anything else I have done thus far.  But when I watch these four amazing little people….I truly can say I will never regret who our family has become and my role in their lives.

I am thrilled that Soccer Dude has wanted to make every trip to Shriner’s with his little brother.  “He needs the encouragement and I need to learn how his new leg will work.”  It warms my heart that Roo does not throw away the Barbies that are missing an arm or leg.  “She is no less a barbie with one arm,” I heard her explaining to Little Monkey.  (You can imagine the questions from little sister when one Barbie lost its head.  That was an interesting conversation as well!)  With each wheel chair that Little Monkey makes out of Legos, I see Little Man’s influence on our lives.  He is shaping our family in a way that would never have happened without him.  We are more compassionate, more aware, more loving and he inspires us to overcome obstacles that in the past would have seemed daunting.

We get questions about why we adopted and why we would choose a child with special needs.   It is not because we are amazing people, or because we have some mystical divine calling on our lives, or that we wanted to save an orphan.   What began as prayerfully considering our role in living out James 1:27 “caring for orphans and widows” ended up with an understanding that we needed these children in our lives.  We are better for it.  Adoption is God’s gift in my life that has brought me closer to understanding His heart.

After three grueling days of physical therapy, Little Man walked out of the hospital.  I was trying to lead him to our van so we could get him to the hotel for a nap….he wanted to head down the sidewalk and take the world by storm.   He had learned to walk so why not run head long into the next adventure!

This is my life.  I couldn’t be more blessed or content.

My chill pill

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IMG_4356Got my hair cut yesterday.  I enjoyed getting to know a few new ladies in town and listening to their chatter while the deed was done.  A group of young moms were talking about Christmas shopping, eating out, and how busy they were with one and two children.  One woman remarked how she couldn’t possibly imagine those people who have more than 3 kids.  I smiled and listened – taking in the adult conversation.  Then they turned to me, “How many children do you have?”

You can imagine the silence of the salon after I whipped out the photo of my 4 blessings! 😉

There are times that I wonder how I possibly do life with “so many” children.  It has been a big transition.  How can one more little person add so much to the laundry pile?  Unbelievable.

Between school lessons, cooking, laundry, and instructing the hearts of my children – I often feel like I don’t have enough to go around.  There always seems to be a child who didn’t get their book read, a nose I didn’t wipe, a sticky spot that lingers, and – guilt upon guilt – a teachable moment that I miss.

More than anything I want to succeed at being a mom and supportive wife – but in the chaos of day to day life, I don’t always feel like….well, like the superwoman it would take to get the laundry monster conquered.

Not by coincidence, this week I read the following statement by Sally Clarkson in her book The Mission of Motherhood.  “My children don’t need me to be on top of all my chores or even to be perfect in taking care of all of their needs.  What they need is for me to be content and patient with life.  They need me as a mature Christian, to walk by faith that God is in control, allowing his Spirit to give me peace and joy in the midst of life’s inevitable ups and downs.”

I am letting the truth of those words soak in deep and taking a “chill pill” as Roo would say.   They really don’t care if I make spaghetti again rather than some cool new meal I got off pinterest.    They do care if mom is stressed out trying to be perfect.

So, yes, my new friends at the hair salon…..I know exactly how I do it….by the grace of God.

The photo at the top….one of the many imperfect shots I got while trying to take a picture for our Christmas cards (which might be mailed out in January if I am lucky.)  Roo stubbornly trying to strike a pose for the camera, Little Man climbing all over the place, Soccer Dude telling everyone what to do, and Little Monkey getting her feelings hurt.  Can you hear the dog barking?  Because he is.  Just saying!  By God’s grace we got a smiling photo with no one picking their nose.  Grace.  God’s Grace.  But if sometime in the future I send out a photo with a child who has a finger up their nose….just know that I am putting into practice what I wrote tonight.

Our miracle

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Many folks question if miracles take place today.  We have read Biblical accounts of healing, bread and fish being multiplied, and animals getting along on a big boat.  But what about today?

Just for reference, our Little Man (2 years old missing one leg and the other deformed) can crawl at neck breaking speed, climb to the highest point of my kitchen cabinets and undo ANY child safety lock.   The day he figured out he could pull himself up on the hinges of a cabinet thus pulling the door down ever so slightly to get his fingers in and undo the child safety latch….that was the day I began to call him our “Over comer.”

Yesterday, as I watched Little Man slide on his new prosthetic leg, I was numb with emotion.  He was annoyed at first with the cumbersome weight and stomped like an anxious filly.  He immediately tried to shake it off giving the doctors grief.   I had expected as much from my over comer; He puts up with nothing that might slow him down.  For the moment, the leg was an obstacle.

I am not really sure how it happened.  The adults in the room were beginning to call it a day.  He wasn’t taking to it so the fitting was going to be impossible.  All of a sudden he pulled up and balanced.  We all cheered and clapped shocking him (thankfully not tipping him over)!  “Oh, is that what you want me to do?”  His face seemed to say as he joined us in clapping for himself.

That is when the marathon began.  Two hours later he was taking a walk down the hospital hallway to check out a Christmas tree.  He had never seen one before.

Everyone was amazed by his quick progress.  For his dad and I, well, I can’t really describe our awe.  Not just over his first steps but over this little boy who is transforming before our eyes.  He is a miracle.

Three months ago he only ate pureed food, was hindered in movement due to sores on his leg and was fearful of this strange new world he had been dropped into.  How can I even describe the distance he has come?  He is not the same little boy and I am not the same woman.  My life will always be marked by the miracle I am witnessing.  How blessed am I to see what God is working in Little Man’s life.  God created him to be an over comer and then opened all of the doors to give him the space to blossom.  I can never thank God enough for allowing our family to be that place.

If you don’t believe in present day miracles – we need to invite you over for dinner so you can meet ours in action.

I wish we had lied.

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We lost Meimei, Little Monkey’s most favorite and dearly cherished asian doll, in the move.  World shattering.

When hubs and I started our parenting journey we intentionally chose to be truthful with our kids (age appropriately) – always.  So we have called all the body parts by their names (nice when your daughter is telling the clerk at walmart which body parts she has.  Singing it, of course, because it is a fun word to say and you get a reaction).  We don’t celebrate Christmas with Santa Clause (nice when your son tells the sweet old man in line that he got nothing from Santa for Christmas because Santa is dead).   But when we face difficult conversations about racism, adoption and social injustice the decision to be truthful is hardest but often the most rewarding.  Many times I find myself telling our children – ” I don’t know why mean things happen.  The world after The Fall STINKS.”  That is all I know to say.

When Meimei turned up missing – I wanted to be a liar.  I looked on Amazon and knew that I could replace her.  It would be easy peasy to pretend that she came out of one of the boxes I unpacked.  I even asked hubbie if we could lie just this once.

sigh.

The conversation was beyond brutal.   Weeping and deep grief accompanied imagined lonely locations of her little friend.  “She thinks I have abandoned her and that her mommy doesn’t love her or take care of her,” my sensitive soul cried for several nights.  “Maybe she is lying alone in a parking lot somewhere.”  It broke my heart.  How can a missing doll dredge up so many insecurities and so much pain.

I wish we had lied.  sigh.

We prayed for Meimei to be found and taken good care of.  Once it seemed that indeed Meimei was not coming home we bought a new doll.  The new doll -identical in every way- sat unopened on the refrigerator.  Little Monkey couldn’t bring herself to open it.  Somehow moving on was a betrayal.

Sad tale….but it does have a happy ending.

Miracle of all miracles – Meimei was found at Nana and Grandpa’s house.  We still aren’t sure when or how she ended up in their toy bin, but you can just imagine the depths of joy when dolly was found.  Better yet.  Nana had been “taking care” of her the whole time.  Meimei had not been scared or abandoned.

Man was I glad that we hadn’t lied!!!

Now we have Meimei and erMeimei – twins.  Little Monkey explained to Meimei that a new sister had been adopted.  She needed a home and they had enough love to share with another baby.  The new box was opened and a new chapter began.

The whole ordeal was grueling, but I was reminded again that relationships take hard work and the best things in life are worth every ounce of effort.  We talk about adoption, live out our lives as a multiethnic family, read the books, go to the seminars on how to parent children from hard places….but honestly living through losing Meimei helped us in ways nothing else could.  Walking through the pain of a missing doll, not shrinking from hard conversation about Little Monkey’s birth-mom and her abandonment, took our relationship to a new level.  Funny how a missing doll can provide healing and add a bit of wholeness to the life of our sensitive soul.

sigh.

Confession from this momma…..I really want to buy 20 more Corolle Calin Yang dolls and stash them in my closet.  Just being honest.

3 months ago

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Three months ago today, I became Little Man’s momma.  Crazy how three months can feel like a short time, yet I have a hard time imagining what life was like before him.  If this ball of energy that keeps me hopping wasn’t around – how boring things would be!  I catch myself wondering how all this has happened.  How did we see a little photo and “know” he was our boy and that our family wouldn’t be the same without him.  I am not sure, but oh how thankful I am for God leading us to him!

The image of him hugging his dads neck within minutes of our first meeting will never leave me.  What a gift for us.  Yet at that time, he would have hugged anyone.  Teams had come and gone from his orphanage and he was very accustomed to charming any new friend that came his way with a thumb wave, smile, and a hug.  We were no exception.

Yesterday, we had to run to the hardware store.  Little Man clung for dear life unwilling to go to anyone.  I never thought I would sing praises to Jesus when one of my children developed stranger anxiety!  He now cries whenever I leave the room.  Setting him down to go to the bathroom (mom going potty by herself….what an amazing idea!) has become the worst of all betrayals in Little Man’s life.   He bangs on the door and yells “MOMMYYYYYYYY” claiming me as his own.  There isn’t anything much better.   He wants me and has decided that I can’t be replaced.   A few weeks ago as he pushed off of me while I tried to rock him to sleep I never thought such change could happen.  It really is a miracle.

This morning the happy babbles of our little boy came across the baby monitor.  I heard him singing the names of our family – “Roooty, Smule, jiejie (big sister Beth), Momyyyy, Daaadddeee.”  What a sweet song practicing his place in our family.     I laid there soaking in the sweetness of my little boy.

He has come so far in three months and the next three hold the promise of even more.  (Next week we travel to Shriners for his 2nd fitting for his prosthetic leg.) I am holding on tight for this amazing ride and treasuring each of these moments in my heart.