Author: Tammy

Dent….what dent?

Posted on by Tammy

I drive a light blue mini-van that is sporting a medium sized dent with a touch of red paint splashed across the middle.  I will spare you the details – just know that a really bad day is forever marked on the back of my van.

Today, I was sitting in the car line dropping off the big kids at school watching a van in front of me when I noticed her dent.  Hmmmm.  What happened on her bad day?

Made me realize that I am not the only mom who has a bad day….running late, distracted, not looking out the rear view mirror to see that my sweet husband had not parked in his usual place, but rather behind my van.  No blame.    (Not going to tell how many times I have had to run over the trash can to make the wheels pop off and be dented like it is.  Who leaves the trash can in the drive!!!)  Just realizing that it happens to more moms than just me.  (Well, dents happen to more moms than me.  The trash can…I do own that I am a bit over the top and certifiable nuts.)

Sometimes I feel like the only one.  Why don’t I see other darlings looking so sweet in their ballet outfits rolling on the floor in a fit of rage?  Why am I the only mom who has children in Sam’s Club fighting over the samples, which sample tastes better, who had a sample, who didn’t have a sample and if that was fair or not?  (Where did my Sam’s Club Card go?  I know I just had it.) Why am I the only one in the meeting with a large brown spot on my blouse?  (Should I sniff it or not?  Ignore it and maybe no one will see it or smell it.)

Oh right….I am not the only one.

The dent in the van who just happened to be in front of me in line today blessed my socks off.  I hate that she had a bad day, but man did I need the reminder that I am not alone.

I need all of you.  I need to know that this huge job of raising my kids can be done and that you are with me struggling in the day to day stuff, but not giving up.   Thanks lady in the red mini van with the biggish dent in the left corner for being there for me this morning.  Hope you see my dent tomorrow and are encouraged as well.

 

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. – Galatians 6:9

 

 

 

 

No Adoption Update

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I have decided that “WAIT” is a bad four letter word and should be a curse word.  Or maybe I have made it into a curse word due to the way I feel about it and say it with such vile contempt!  Wait.  Wait.  Wait.

That is where we are at.  We are waiting on our LOA (letter of approval) from China.  Until we get that paper then we are in a holding pattern.  We actually haven’t been waiting that long for our LOA….32 days to be exact but who is counting.  There are many people who are currently waiting over 100 days to get their approval.  By no means should I be antsy at day 32.  The wait (yes I even typed that word with sour feelings and a bit of spit for good measure) could be much longer.

I hate to admit it – but I know there is good in the wait.  Not just because it gives me time to clean and re-organize the whole house in preparation for our little man.  (Yes, that is what I am doing to keep myself busy and sane.)  God is working in me – giving me faith, preparing me to be a mom of 4, using this time to speak new truths into my life.

John Ortberg said it perfectly, “Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want.  Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be.”

True.  I am holding on to that truth.  But, it doesn’t make the wait any easier.

So, no update really.  Just wanted you all to know if you happen to say that four letter word around me, I might spit in the dust.  Don’t worry.  I am not spitting at you.  God is just teaching me a hard lesson and making me into who he wants me to be.

Derby Star & Art Star

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I totally think my kids are amazing….of course.  But, it is so much fun when my suspicions of their super star quality is confirmed by others! Soccer Dude won second place in the pine wood derby for Royal Rangers for fastest car.  (Royal Rangers is the christian equivalent for boy scouts.)  Notice his choice of paint colors….he was killing his dad by picking Florida Gator colors!  He did work very hard on his car – but I must confess it was a bit of dumb luck that he did so well.  We had no idea how much strategy and science go into these little wooden cars.  He has tasted victory and is now motivated to do his research and be #1 next year!

Big Girl also sparkled and shone at the Wilmore Elementary art show.  She had several pieces on display and was thrilled to drag us by the arm and set us up in front of a wall exclaiming “guess which one is mine!”  I must admit I love that she plays this little game.   It is fun for me to see all the art work and to have a child who shares my excitement and passion for art.  We are blessed with a fantastic art teacher at the kids school who has helped Ruthie to take her art skills to another level.

My favorite was her painting titled “Baby in Blanket.”  I looked at the display of baby paintings and easily picked out the one done by my girl.  Their was only one brown baby in the bunch (with tiny Chinese characters decorating the quilt.)  She had painted her new brother.  LOVE, LOVE her heart that came out in this class project!

You might call me a proud momma.  I prefer to call it blessed and I am just counting those blessings!

Family Needed!

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This sweet five year old boy thought he had a family coming – but due to no fault of his own his dream of a mom and a dad have been dashed.  The family in process to adopt him, for personal reasons, decided that adoption wasn’t for them.  This leaves Zhao Wen with no family.

His birthday is August 2007, he is post-op meningocele, and has been with the SAME foster family since he was 1 month old! His smile just steals your heart! He has been attending pre-school and is on target with other children his age.

He has had one surgery to correct the meningocele which was completely successful.  He is healthy taking no  extraordinary care.  Updated information is available from this past October stating he has no physical effects from the meningocele. The family who was pursuing his adoption paid to have his file evaluated by a physician and all evals point to a healthy boy!

Vickie, at Hand in Hand, is checking to see if his file will be placed back on the shared list or if she will have it at the agency and could release it to another agency if needed.

I really can’t get this young man out of my mind.  To be so close to a family and then to be put back on the shared list is a tragedy!  Surely there is a family who is already logged in and would want to add on this sweet boy!  Then he would come home just as he had dreamed!  (I tried to convince my hubby that we were that family – no luck!)

I guess the other reason he is on my heart – He is the same age as our little monkey.  It breaks my heart to think of her still sitting on the shared list with no family.  Oh man, what we would be missing out on if we hadn’t adopted one amazing 4 year old!  When she had been home with us about 6 months she asked me – “Mommy why did it take you so long to come get me?” 

These sweet children know.  They wait.  They hope.  And when the months and years go by it hurts.  Let’s pray that Zhao Wen’s wait isn’t much longer.

If you are interested, please email me or leave a comment and I can get you more photos and his file.

Hold on sweet man!  God has a plan for you.  God’s heart is to “set orphans in families” so I am sure you have a family out there somewhere.  Praying they find you soon!

three or four

Posted on by Tammy

I have never been very good at math.  But my recent counting issues have nothing to do with being mathematically challenged.  I simply fumble.  “How many children do you have?”  It seems like a straight forward question with a simple answer, but right now it is hard to answer.

If I say 4 – I feel like I am overstating (and the lady at the playground who asked is left to frantically look around for the 18 month old I must have left by himself at home since he is not hanging on my hip.)

If I say 3 – my heart screams against the lie.

The answer in between – “I have three children with one on the way.”  This statement always leads to a quick glance to my midsection and the confused question “When are you due?”  I have learned not to take a breath and dive in quickly with “we are adopting a little guy from China.”

I am an excited mom who is counting down the days to my “due date.”   I have a stack of papers to prove that things are progressing.   Yet, it is hard to explain this to the nice lady just expecting small talk at church.  “How many children do you have, dear?”  Ummmm.

While pregnant, everyone shares in the joy of waiting for the arrival of your new little one.  The weeks and months pass and those around you can see how things are progressing.  They count three heads at the park see your growing belly and add one more to your clan.  A beaming smile follows with a statement like, “oh you must be so happy.”   Through our adoptions – we are met with wide eyed wonder and awkward conversations.

My solution.  Taping a photo of Little Man to my forehead along with a check list of adoption paperwork to be completed.  I might add a t-shirt that reads, “I am not a saint, just an excited blessed, expectant mother.”  I know, I know….no t-shirt can hold that many words and my forehead isn’t that big.

So the real solution.

I guess I am still working on that.  I am slowly learning that part of adoption is being ready with a good explanation of the process in four seconds or less.  My job as an adoptive mom is to teach those around me that truly the blessing is ours in adding these amazing kids to our family.  I need to have the words to explain why boys are available for adoption and tell folks in no uncertain terms “there is nothing wrong with our future son-he is perfect and we are thrilled to call him a Williams.”   And, I even need to figure out how to claim my rightful position as an expectant mom.  Unfortunately, my math text book left out how to do all of this.

I guess for now all I can say is:

“Hi!  My name is Tammy Williams.   Hubby and I  have three children at home and one in China.  Yes, I am so very happy!!”

Adoption update – the count is on

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Another step forward in bringing home Little Man – it is a small step, but a step forward!  We officially have a log in date, March 19!   China has all of our paperwork and was put into the system yesterday.  More than anything this gives us a source of reference to start counting down the days till we get the official letter of approval (LOA) from China to be Little Man’s family.

This next step in the process can be the most unpredictable.  And to be honest, is the part of the process I fear the most.  We waited for 4 months for the LOA to become Little Monkey’s parents.  It was a brutal wait.  I have not forgotten the agony of not knowing if the adoption would finalize or not – wondering if there was any end to the process – worrying about our girl’s well being – refreshing my email multiple times a day hoping to have word from our adoption agency.    It is all fresh in my mind and I don’t want to go through it again.

If you are reading this blog you either know me personally (and probably would say I am by nature a bit on the crazy side) or you are an adoptive parent who can give testimony to the fact that the process of adoption paperwork can make ANY person crazy.   (If you are my social worker and reading this – I promise I am not REALLY crazy.  I am a fit mother.)   Although even typing this feels crazy.  Hmm.

Bottom line – I need prayer as I wait for my baby.  Lord have mercy!

Joking aside, we would really appreciate you praying for our LOA.  Pray that our paperwork is translated in a timely manner and that our file lands on the desk of a very efficient officer who moves through files quickly.  Also please pray for our family as we wait.

Today I don’t feel as crazy.  Funny how one small step forward can help.

The other thing that has been helping me – I received encouragement from a dear friend (who also is going through an adoption) in the form of this bible verse.

“Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion.  For the LORD is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who wait for Him!….How gracious He will be when you cry for help!  As soon as He hears, He will answer you.”  Isaiah 30:18-19

Claiming this verse to help keep my craziness at bay!

Tornado Relief

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Two weeks ago today we sat huddled in the bathroom listening to the tornado sirens.  Our town didn’t have any damage, but other areas in Kentucky did not fare as well as we did.  Those whose lives have been turned upside down by the awful storms have been heavy on our hearts.

GO InterNational (who my hubby works for) has been involved in the tornado relief partnering with churches in the areas hardest hit.  Today, as a family we were able to offer some tornado relief in the form of a carnival.  Nontraditional for sure, but the results were worth the effort.  The church invited families who lost everything.  We then were able to partner with the church to help give these families an afternoon of joy.

We tied balloon animals, Soccer Dude and Big girl ran carnival games and Little Monkey ran around making friends.  It felt like any other church carnival – until you looked across the street to see houses and business completed turned to a pile of rubble.  I’m  not sure that we really made a difference in the lives of the tornado victims.  But it did make an impact on our kiddos.   They saw first hand how thankful we can be for our home, our church and our family.  They also met a group of people who are being courageous in the midst of devastation.  That is good for any child’s heart.

Here is a photo of Big Girl working hard at the penny dig game.  She is our gift giver – always passionate and ready to share from her heart.  It was fun to see her in her element – blessing others.   She asked me a few weeks ago, “how can we be missionaries if we are living in the States and not in China?”  As I was trying to craft a response she answered her own question.  “I guess there are people everywhere who need Jesus.”   Yes, my sweet girl there are people everywhere who need Jesus…even in Kentucky! 😉

Warrior

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Soccer Dude stood outside the closed bathroom door – legs spread, eyes directly facing forward, light saber held battle ready.  I was surprised, to say the least, when I rounded the corner and found him guarding the door.

Trying not to smile I asked my warrior, “hey, what’s up?”

“I am keeping sister safe from her fears of the dark.  I can’t stand it when she is scared.”  Matter of fact – just like that.

The story from Little Monkey.  “I called and you were busy.  You know I can’t go into a dark room.  I had to really go.  Brother helped me.  He even checked the shower with his light saber for dark monsters and promised to stand near by so I wouldn’t be scared.”

There are times as a mom that I want to pull my hair out, bang my head against a wall, or sit down in the midst of our family craziness and have a good cry.  Will they ever get it?  Am I speaking Greek when I explain how important it is to be kind, loving and stick together as a family.

I pray hard (and often.)  I come up with new charts, ideas and plans on how to best instruct the hearts of my three treasures.  Really.  I try not to bind my success as a person around my children, but to be frank I really want them to turn out to be people who love Jesus and show it through their actions.  I have given up hopes of teaching them not to pick their noses – but I still strive to instill compassion, love and joy.   In the middle of crazy moments I have even been known to raise my voice and shout, “PEACE! LOVE!! AND JOY!”  (I kinda wish I was making that up just to make this a better blog post and story.  I’m not.)  I don’t know.  Shouting these words at arguing children seems at times the only thing I know to do before I sit down and weep.

Then I find a warrior outside the bathroom door.

Tonight I am shedding different tears.  I am the one who has joy, love, peace…..and hope.  They are getting it!  I need to hold on to these moments and remember them when teaching my children seems like a job to difficult for me.

Chinese/English Communication Cards

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We were so blessed to be able to communicate with Little Monkey when she joined our family.  It helped the transition and bonding!  We saw how important communication was in our bonding process and we wanted to help other families.  We created four sets of communication cards for families to use when they adopt their children.

All proceeds from these flash cards are going toward our second adoption!  Check out the store button to see how you can purchase a download of the cards or to order pre-made cards.  There also is a sample of one of the sets on the store page.

DTC BABY!

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All of our paperwork has been completed and mailed to China!  This is a huge mile marker in the adoption process and we are thrilled to have come this far in bringing home our little man.  We first saw his face and crazy hair in October – 4 months really is pretty good to get this far in the process.  But to this mom who is waiting for her son, I agonize over every week.  He is growing and changing and I am missing out on precious moments.

We also were blessed with another update and more photos.  On the right is the best of the batch.  See why I agonize over the wait!  He is growing and changing so much!

As part of the update we found out that he indeed is in a foster home, his leg is healing very nicely and he is healthy.  His clubbed foot has also been fit with a new brace.  They really are taking GREAT care of him.  We are beyond thankful that he seems to be in one of the better social welfare systems.

It is starting to sink in.  We really are “expecting #4.”  I know it sounds silly – but when that big envelope slid into the mailbox I was hit with an overwhelming sense of excitement and anxiety.   He is coming!  Ahh, HE IS COMING!  Ready or not he is coming!

So weird to want something so much, but not to be sure if you will ever be ready for it!  Made me want to run around the house and pick up the little legos.  I’ve begun to wonder what size clothes I should be gathering and eying the “boys room” to prep it for the new addition.  Our eldest – Soccer Dude – has moved to the top bunk and declared, “I will watch out for him while he sleeps on the bottom bunk!”  He is a great big brother!

Although we are well on our way, the wait is far from over.  Next, China will give us a “log in date” and process our paperwork for the official “Letter of Approval.”  This can be the most unpredictable wait of the whole process.  Some families will have their LOA in 40 days others will wait 140.  It goes without saying that we hope to be on the shorter side of that wait!  We would appreciate you praying to that end.  It would be such a blessing to be able to travel to pick him up some time this summer when hubbie’s seminary classes are not in session.

Hoping.

Praying.