Author: Tammy

We have safely arrived in China and are now counting down the hours until we have Little Man in our arms.

At first I was deeply disappointed to have a whole day before meeting our son, but as we have bumped around GZ in a haze called jetlag, I now am deeply thankful to have had this day.  I hate jetlag.  In fact I am so sleep deprived right now I can hardly type straight.    Add that on top of an emotional few hours before meeting our new son.  Well, to put it nicely – I am a mess.

Almost exactly two years ago we were in this same hotel finalizing the adoption of Little Monkey.  I have been here before and I know what is about to happen.  Yes, I am going to be given an immeasurable gift!  For that I am beyond excited – but that gift comes with a price.

This time – I am walking in with my eyes wide open.

Our son is about to be plucked from an institution where he eats rice porridge and delivered to us at a 5 star hotel that holds a buffet he can’t even imagine in his wildest dreams.  He is going to be told these white people are your parents even though we even smell strange to him and he can’t understand what we are saying or wanting from him.  Oh my poor baby.

We walked through the same gardens feeding the fish sharing memories of those first few days with our sweet five year old.  She remembers very little except what she has seen in photos.  The yellow bamboo wall in her adoption announcement, the fish in the pond and the playground all marked her first few days with us.  Now she doesn’t remember a time when I was not her momma.

I know those days will come for Little Man as well.  He won’t remember the pain of this transition.  He will learn that I am mom and not a stranger to fear.  But in the mean time his little heart will be taken on a hard ride.  I am so excited to call him mine, but dread the pain it will cause him at the same time.

Tomorrow will be a day of incredible joy and unspeakable pain all at the same time.

Because it is after 1 in the morning and I am leaving in a few short hours to fly to China to bring my youngest home….FOREVER, I will try to keep this brief.  But I just couldn’t neglect sharing with you how wonderfully good my God is.  I am simply amazed at how He is providing for us in the final hours before we fly to bring Isaac home.

I joked with a friend on Sunday that we “were climbing the mountain like Abraham sure that God would provide what was needed at the top.”   Even a few short days ago we were not sure how, but knew God would provide all of our needs.  It is a long story (and I am keeping this brief) but God provided in a very unexpected way the exact amount of funds that we were lacking in our salary this month.  As if that was not enough we had the amount of our plane tickets given within $20.   Sweet friends at church donated vitamins to take to Little Man’s orphanage.  We had checks arrive in the mail and cash given to us for our spending money.  All of this in the past four days.

Isn’t He good!

Thank you all so much for praying for us and being a part of this miracle.

Really pondering tonight what amazing plan God must have for our sweet boy.  God is moving mountains and providing in mighty ways to bring him home.  My skin tingles as I say his name….Isaac.  The child God promised.

The crib is set up.  I have a stack of diapers waiting.  Our suitcases will be full once the load of laundry in the dryer is done.    On the outside we are getting prepared to add a new little one to our fold.  In three days we will be on our way to make Zhong Xun a Williams.  (Now if I could only find time to clean the house.  It looks like a tornado hit in here!)

Packing the suitcases and rearranging the furniture to include a crib is the easy part.  Preparing our hearts and minds is a totally different story.  It takes more effort – slowing down and having honest conversations with ourselves and our other three kiddos.

Can’t really predict if Little Man will grieve loudly and deeply.  Not sure if he will be scared of us or ready to jump right into our caos.  Will he want to be “babied” by two older sisters?  Good grief!  I am not even sure if I am packing the right size clothes and if he will want to sleep in a crib or be ready for the bottom bunk in the boys room.  How can I be prepared for this – not to mention help the other kids be ready!?

Lunch and shopping with Big Girl today – squeezing some one on one time in before we leave.  (The two big kids are staying behind with Nana and Papa.  sniff.  sniff.)    We bought gifts for the orphanage director and nannies while chatting about how life was about to change.  Well, I was talking.  She was smelling all the lotions at Bath and Body Works ignoring me as I rattled on.

“Mom.”  She interrupted my sermon.  “Let’s go to Build-A-Bear.”

Totally not on my list of getting things prepared list.

Big Girl quickly came up with a plan and called her siblings to join her.  I watched them pick out a bear, make him with one leg and dress him in “American” clothes.  A gift for their new brother.  Great care was taken in picking out hearts to place inside – one from each of them.  They told the workers in the store how excited they were to have a new brother who was created special by God.  How cool adoption is and how our family would soon be all together.  They paid for “Little Brother Bear” with their own money and made a plan to present it to Isaac at the airport for their first meeting.

I might not be prepared, but as Big Girl proudly toted a one legged bear through the mall I realized, my kids are ready.

A week from Monday this Little Man will be in my arms.   Surreal.  I can’t even begin to describe how it feels to be close to the end.  Adoption really does feel like an ENDLESS waiting game.  At times you wonder if there really is a child at the end of all the paperwork and waiting.  When the wait is over – well, I am just crying with relief.  In 12 days he will become a real person in my arms rather than a photo on my refrigerator.

We are now in a mad dash to be prepared to leave in a few short days.

We would really appreciate your prayers for our family as we enter the last stage of brining Isaac home.  His little world is about to be turned upside down – leaving his beloved Nanny who takes him home with her on the weekends.  He has had to face so much grief and loss in his short life and I cringe at the sorrow he is about to face again.  It is for his best to have a forever family – but it doesn’t mean the journey ahead will be easy on his little heart.  Pray that God comforts him through the transitions ahead and prepares him to be set into a family.

Also would you pray for this momma who is about to leave her first two babies in order to get her fourth.  Although I know they will be in good hands it still breaks my heart that they are not able to come with us.  Soccer Dude and Big Girl also are disappointed, but are being brave.  Big Girl especially is praying that “Little Man doesn’t bond to Little Monkey so much that he loves her most!”  True sister rivalry at it’s best right there!

Little Monkey is coming with us.  Having her older two siblings with us when we adopted her was a huge gift.  They made her feel comfortable and eased her grief in ways that Hubbie and I were unable to do.  We wanted that gift for Little Man as well.  Little Monkey’s exact words – “I remember how scary it is to see a new white family.  Isaac will be scared.  I can help him.”   She does remember her adoption journey vividly and preparing for this trip has brought up many questions.  Please pray that this is a journey of healing and her place in our family is solidified even more.

The last prayer request…..well I almost hate to share it, because I am having a hard time getting my emotions lined up with what my head knows is true.  This whole adoption has been a step of faith for us – one that we were confident in, but weren’t sure how it would all play out.  God has been providing every step of the way.  A grant just when we needed to pay the next agency fee.  Sweet friends helping with fundraising on our behalf that has paid the orphanage donation and helping with plane tickets.  Each need has been met.  God is a faithful provider.  We know that to be true.  Yet it seems that we are being tested even further.  We just found out that Hubbie will not be getting a full salary this month and probably not next either.  The worst possible timing.  We have lived on support for 15 years and have never not gotten a paycheck.  You could look at it as weird timing – but I really feel like it is Satan hitting us at an emotional time.  We are choosing to believe that God will provide again.  Please pray that we are faithful in trusting Him as the Provider that He has always been in our ministry and lives.  I look forward to giving you testimony on how He does just that.

Thank you so much for following us on this journey.  We will be posting often so that you can meet our little guy so stayed tuned!

They should award a PHD for all that I have had to learn and research -not to mention all of the papers I have had to fill out- to become Little Man’s momma.  Seriously worth a PHD.  But, I guess my reward is coming….and coming soon!

We just got our Art 5 (for those of you who don’t know what this is….trust me it is boring, but important paper from the consulate in China linked to Little Man’s visa)!  That leaves us with only one more paper.  Just one more needed to bring our new son home!  I really can hardly believe it.  Now all we need is travel approval (TA) from the China Consulate of Adoption Affairs.  That is it and it could come in just two weeks.

Just two weeks.

Yup.

2 weekos.

Waiting on the final paper.

Makes me a bit dizzy, excited, relieved, sick to my stomach, nervous….not really sure all that I am feeling.  It took us over a year and a half to adopt Little Monkey.  I guess I am still in shock that God has brought this adoption together in such a short time.  October to August….11 months from the time we saw his sweet face until we will have him in our arms.  Short….but long.  I am dying to love on that boy and bring him home!  I think the next two weeks might be the longest of my life.  sigh!

God has brought us this far.  I know he will be with us for the last leg of the race.  And a race it will be.  I am pulling together what we need to welcome an almost two year old into our home.  Wondering what size clothes he might wear (does he look like he might wear 18 month clothes to you?) dusting off the crib and thinking twice about pulling the stroller down from the attic.  (Pretty sure after riding around on a battery operated motorcycle he is going to reject the stroller idea I had!  See new photo below.  Crazy fun!)  I am making packing lists, trying to decide on travel arrangements, and praying for cheap tickets.  (We would appreciate you praying with us for the funding we need for travel.)    I am using all my un-nameable new momma emotions/energy to get it all done.

The race is on and the finish line is in sight!

Just had to share this new photo with you all.  Looks like he is ready for some kisses from his momma!   Can’t wait!  Just a few more weeks…..

Three years ago, I woke startled from a vivid dream.  I had been standing in a hospital waiting for the nurse to bring me my child.  I was anxious and filled with joy over becoming a mother.  I saw the nurse coming towards me from down the hall and I heard God’s voice, “you don’t want Ishmael.  I will give you Isaac.”  The nurse disappeared in the fog of my dream and I woke.

At the time we were in process of adopting Little Monkey.  We had been matched with her and knew she would join our family some time that year.  So the dream was confusing at best, but I felt like God had given me the promise of an Isaac.

My dear sweet husband….what can I say besides that?! 😉  I asked him then if he was willing to add #4.  During an emotional and unpredictable adoption isn’t the best time to ask a husband to consider doing it again.  Him answering yes was a sign to me that #4 was already a miracle!

We were in no hurry and felt like God would bring Isaac to us in his timing.  In the midst of seminary after only a year of adding Little Monkey wasn’t the timing I thought God had for us.  But, God’s timing rarely is my timing.

I weekly check lists of children who need families and pray.  In October while praying for a group of special focus boys, I came across his sweet face.  I saw him and recognized him as the boy from my dream….my Isaac.   If I tried to explain to you how my heart stopped and my mouth went dry – you would think I was nuts.  Just believe me.  I recognized my son looking at me with deep eyes and hair that sticks on end.

God lined up so many little things to confirm to us that he was the one.  My college roommate, Heather emailed me his picture that same week saying, “he would be perfect for your family!”  The social worker at Lifeline told us no families had been interested in this sweet man and she thought she could get us approved to adopt him although we didn’t meet all of the requirements China has set for adoptive families.  One small miracle after another – proving to our hearts that Isaac was on his way home to us.  The cherry on top – watching as God has provides the funds we need each step of the way.  He is so good.

About six weeks out from traveling to go get our boy and I find myself pinching my arm to make sure I am awake and this is not a dream.   The years of waiting, wondering and praying will soon be transformed into years of training, watching him grow and praying even more!  I can’t wait to begin this next chapter with Isaac.

So that is how we started the adoption of #4 and why we are naming him Isaac.  Just wanted to share with you and give testimony to what God can do.  We are an ordinary family with few worldly riches but God has helped us to adopt twice.  I wonder why I am so blessed.  I really don’t know.  Maybe because we simply were willing to accept the gift of adoption for our family and believed that it could be…….

For whatever reason I am one thankful mother.