Author: Tammy

The year of the dragon

Posted on by Tammy
at the Chinese Culture Festival - UK

Monday was the day.  The first day of Spring Festival – or Chinese New Year!  It could have gone by without notice in our small Kentucky town.  There are no fireworks to mark the occasion (I must say I don’t miss the two weeks of constant firecrackers from our China days!), but we did manage to celebrate!

We enjoyed an awesome meal at a local Chinese resteraunt with our Wilmore Adoption Support Group.   Then we were off to the University of Kentucky campus to attend the Chinese Cultural Festival.  We enjoyed the dragon dance, fan dancers, acrobats, bubble tea, and traditional Chinese music.  I think the kids loved staying out so late!

Red envelopes with money for the children along with a new set of clothes to start the new year completed our celebrations.  It wasn’t the same as enjoying the holiday in China – but we did our best and enjoyed.

 

$8 for an order of dumplings.

$10 a ticket for the UK Chinese Festival.

$5 in a red envelope.

Our little monkey saying, “I love being Chinese.”  Priceless!

 

 

Adoption is hard

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My heart is heavy this morning – burdened by families who I know and love who are struggling with their adopted children.

These kids come into our families from hard places where they have experienced unthinkable traumas.  We have hope for our kids to heal and to learn how to be a part of a family again, but sometimes the road to healing is a long one – which isn’t always understood by folks watching from the outside.

I will never forget the day I taught a painting class at the orphanage in XN, where we lived for 4 years.  I had paint kits for each child – with extras so they could choose which kit they wanted to work on.  I stood before the class telling them they could choose.  That is when all hell broke loose.  There really are no other words to describe the chaos that followed.  A fist fight broke out and I stood in shock.  The nannies who were helping me pulled the “bullies” off of the other children and I ran to comfort the child who had received the worst of the blows.

I bent down and scooped up the 8 year old boy – who was one of my favorites in the class.  I cradled him in my arms and began to softly speak to him as I rubbed his head.  That is when the tears came in full.  He pushed me away and began to scream and roll on the ground.

I recognized my mistake quickly.  I am a mom at heart – I wanted to comfort my sweet little friend, but I had caused him more pain than the punch of his classmate.  Being held in my arms was to much.  He didn’t know how to respond.  Didn’t understand the love of a mother.

His reaction haunts me. But it helps me to understand the hard work that is ahead of most adoptive parents.  Our children, for many different reasons, have been denied the basic needs of feeling loved, safe and cared for.  It hurts them in depths of their souls.  One hug after a punch won’t fix that.

What would?

only a miracle from God the Father.  I am watching God work that miracle in our little monkey.  Nightmares slowly cease.  Trust is built.  Love is learned.  But man –  have we needed a bucket full of grace and a lot of prayer as those things have happened.

I guess that is what this post is about.  Grace & Prayer.

When I am carrying my 5 year old on my hip – don’t look at me like I am an over indulgent mom.  Understand, my girl was never carried as a baby.   When she throws a temper tantrum over being left at Sunday school, understand she doesn’t trust me to come back to pick her up.  When my little monkey spits out the food you serve our family, please remember she never had tasted cheese till a few months ago.  Her new life is so foreign to her.  Please show her grace and pray for our family.

Grace.

Thankful God has extended it to me – so that I can extend it to my dear daughter – so that I can pray for other adoptive families and extend it to them as well.   What a gift it is (and will be) to see the healing and transformation take place in the lives of our kids.  Daily I am thankful that God has given me a front row seat to watch his hand at work.

Best Birthday Ever!

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Sam declared that turning 10 has been the best birthday ever!  What made it such a great day?  Chinese food at home and a bike!  He was thrilled with both.

I must say our attempt at Hot Pot really is the closest we have come to some of the food we loved in China.  We found a new Asian market and now we are stocked up with the spices we were missing, rice bowls and a hot pot of our very own!  We ate so much we didn’t want birthday cake and the girls have already put in their request for hot pot for EVERY birthday from here on out! 😉   Fun had by all!

a 10 year old….SERIOUSLY?!

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Having Samuel turn 10 feels almost as bad as when I turned 30.  Double digits?  Really?!  Next come the teens!!  How in the world do I have a 10 year old.  Okay….this is not a post about me (so the moaning is done).

We are celebrating the life of Samuel today!  It really does feel like it was yesterday when I was counting wet diapers, trying to get him to eat every 2 hours, and watching his chest rise and fall….just to make sure.  Yes, yes I was that type of new mom.  I guess I have grown up a lot in the past 10 years as well.

I no longer keep tract of the little things.  How can I?  At times I feel like I am chasing a fast moving train – trying to keep up with something.  When I post about his 20th birthday, I am sure I will have grown up even more and learned to let go of my boy.  But for now, I am shocked by how much he is growing up and trying to figure out when to let go and when to hold on a bit tighter.

His friends have become a greater influence.  He likes to play video games and we see his knowledge slowly easing into the “I know it all” phase.  Don’t even get me going on his new love of BB guns and his plans to build a life for himself in the woods.  4th grade has already been a year where I have seen him put away the stuffed animals and pull out the i-pod.  He sings along with his ear phones tucked in, oblivious to the rest of the household.  (kinda cute!  He would die if he knew I was posting that….well maybe more about the stuffed animal part.  The boy has always loved his stuffed animals.)

Not all the changes are scary, bad and things I want to hold back.  I am proud of the way he is growing up.  He has made a goal to read through the bible this year.  Has specifically chosen not to read books that his friends are crazy about because he doesn’t “think they are good for my heart.”  Even this morning with a new i-tunes card in hand, he downloaded an episode of “NiHao Kilan” his sisters’ favorite show.  “Just to share some of my birthday fun.”  Such a sweet boy.

When I think of it this way I am excited to see what the next 10 years hold.  Watching him grow up is scary, but exciting.  What a blessing to be given the task to aid him in the process.

Okay, bring on the teen years!

Happy Birthday, Sam.

 

A sneak peek.

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Just thought I would share a link to a short video of our little man.  This isn’t the new one.  It is several months old, but still is fun to see.  Oh, that hair!  Big brother is already saying that he needs it buzzed off!  Not sure that mom agrees.

http://vimeo.com/29529607

password: collin1

The hot link should be on the sidebar.

Isaac’s Adoption Update

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Tomorrow marks one more step towards bringing Isaac home.  We are headed to the Kentucky Immigration and Homeland Security office to be fingerprinted.  I don’t totally understand this part of the process but I think it has something to do with the US government giving us permission to bring Issac to the States.   I just know there are a lot of hoops to jump through and it seems to take forever!  Once we get all the permission we need from the States we then turn around and send all of our paperwork to China to get the official letter of approval to become his parents.

We would appreciate your prayers on behalf of our paperwork.  Even a small mistake in the papers can slow down the adoption process by months (as we painfully discovered while adopting Beth!)

I told myself I was going to be cool and calm this time around – as in, not count the days of waiting to go get our little man.  I had been doing pretty good.  Then a mixed blessing was delivered in my inbox.  A family, who was picking up their child from the orphanage where Issac is living, posted a short video.  They were having a birthday party at the orphanage and the family caught it on video.  Our little boy was sitting in a chair, one leg hanging over the edge, just a kicking happily waiting for a piece of cake!   There he was….just two weeks ago.  So fun!!

Posted with the video were photos of where our baby is living until we go get him.  Oh, the orphanage looks nice enough.  The photos of the kitchen where spotless.  The nannies all smiling and holding chubby sweet looking children.  But one photo broke this mom’s heart and made me start counting the days.  A room filled with so many metal cribs I couldn’t count them, made a tear come to my eyes.  I couldn’t look away.  I wished I hadn’t seen it.  Our boy is there sleeping in a room filled with a ton of other kids.  One tiny voice in the midst of a whole room of children with no mother.

I am ready to have him crawl in bed with me when he has a bad dream.  I want to hear him cry if he kicks off the covers and gets cold.  I ache to teach him that he is not one of many children….but one special little boy who is loved and will be care for all his days.  So, pray hard if you would.  Pray that I can endure the wait.  Pray that the wait is as short as possible.

Holiday Security

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We have had a great holiday season.  The plays, programs, decorations, gifts and visits to family….all very special and reminded me of how blessed we are to openly celebrate the birth of Jesus.

This year we had an unexpected added blessing.  I really didn’t think that we could top last year’s joy of having Beth with us at Christmas for the first time.  She was in awe over everything!  It was so much fun to see the holidays through her eyes.

She surprised us again.

It started at Thanksgiving.  Aunt Carolyn handed out early Christmas presents to the kids.  Beth looked at the package in surprise and asked, “we are doing this again?”  At first I didn’t understand the question.  Then I realized that she didn’t know that Christmas happened every year.  Pure joy lite her face when she understood that we get to celebrate Jesus every year!

From there on she would announce – “OHHHH, I remember that! now we are going to…..”

She was thrilled to know what was going to happen.  I hadn’t given it any thought, but the security of experiencing the holidays with our family for a second time was priceless to our sweet girl.  She feels like she belongs.  She knows to ask “when are we going to make our gingerbread houses?”  She proudly announced to the kids in her class that she would get three gifts on Christmas morning, “because Jesus got three gifts from the wisemen when He was born.”  She knew what to do with her stocking and looked forward to the shopping trip with Daddy for a Christmas dress.  But the action that showed me she is finally finding her place in our family – she opened all her gifts and didn’t hide one in her “special spot” in case she didn’t get a gift ever again.  She knows Christmas will come back around and she will be a Williams – celebrating with us.

After Christmas she did ask me one important question:  “Mom does this mean we will celebrate my birthday again too?”  The count down is on and she expecting that cake!

I am labeling 2012 the year of “seconds” with Beth Yanfen.  I am expecting this to be her year of security and peace.  How fun it will be to see how she continues to blossom through that!

Then next year can be a year of first again with our new little one!  Gotta keep it interesting!

The Advent

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One of the best things we have done since moving to Wilmore – putting the girls in ballet.  Ruthie has always flitted around the house, so originally we looked into the Wilmore Christian School of Ballet for her.  If she is going to dance, she might as well know how to do it right.  I also thought she might get the dance worked out of her during classes and be able to walk through the house.  That part hasn’t happened!  But the classes really have taught her a lot about focus and dancing for worship – two great things for our girl!

Beth – she jumped in by default.  We weren’t going to put her in classes, but when we were there signing up Ruthie she wanted to try.  At the time she had only been in our family for three months.  She was not leaving my side for anything (even for me to go to the bathroom)!  So when she wanted to march into a dance class by herself to “be like big sister”….well to be brutally honest, the idea of 30 minutes of sitting in a chair waiting for her to be done with no one climbing on me sounded GREAT.  The class has been good for her too.  Her teacher, who grew up overseas, has been awesome with her!  Beth has made friends and gained confidence.  Ballet has been well worth the money for both our girls!

Last week the Ballet school put on their Christmas program – “The Advent.”  It was amazing to see the Christmas story in dance.  Ruthie was a star.  Beth played a sheep.  They both did great and we are proud of our little ballerinas!  Here are a few photos and more on the photo page.

Pre-school proram & ER visit

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It was a day all about Beth….the good, the bad and the ugly.

It started out good.  She couldn’t have been cuter dressed in the pilgrim costume we had made out of a paper bag.  (Some school projects are timeless – I know I did that in Kindergarten.  Mom, you do that in the one room school-house too? ;-))  She walked in,  found us in the crowd,  gave us the thumbs up, and then proceeded to be brilliant while reciting her poems.  Definitely the GOOD of the day!  (Photo on left is what I got when I asked for her to “pose” for a picture of her pilgrim costume.  What a ballerina at heart.

The bad of the day….

While attending a Mom’s In Touch prayer meeting, Beth had a nasty fall that included an end table, her eye, and much panic on the part of her mother.  Nothing like a big crash and a screaming child to bring halt to a prayer meeting (and start-up a whole new type of praying!)

I normally am a pretty cool laid back mom.  When I reached my crying screaming child, I scooped her up and starting with the back pat.  No luck.  That is when I see the HUGE goose egg forming near her eye.  So I decide it is time to leave and go home for Tylenol.  By the time we are to the van it has doubled in size.  Okay, scratch the home and tylenol plan, maybe we should head to the pediatrician’s office.  Calm call to the hubbie and we are on our way.  Peek in the rear view mirror to see the bump still growing, eye almost swollen shut and child half asleep.  Who did I say stays calm?  Another U turn and change of plans as I head to the ER.  Now I am the mother who is trying not to cry while running into the ER with my child tucked under my arm.

“Birthdate?  What?  I don’t know?  Hers?  Mine?  Just point me to the DOCTOR!”  Very cool and calm, wouldn’t you say?  The story should go….once she was being taken care of by professionals that I regained some control.  But as every nurse in the place gave a dramatic “ohh, ouch” when they saw my baby – when they rushed her in for a head scan – when the doc says, “Let me just say that usually with this much swelling there is a broken bone – ”  well you fill in the story.  Did you just catch the part about her having a broken bone in her face?!  Not calm material in my book.

Thankfully the “bad” of the day did not turn into “ugly.”  The scans all came back looking good.  No broken bones.  Our brilliant four year old happened to hit a blood vessel just right to cause all that swelling.  Amazing!  A mild concussion and a bad black eye really is a decent way to end the day.

I will have to post a photo soon.  Her eye is amazing.  She saw herself in the mirror and she said, “I look like a young old lady!”  That is when I calmed down.   Her head is fine.  The funny comments are still in there.  We are back to normal!

Where do babies come from?

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It is the question that makes parents shake in their boots.  I am no exception.  Armed with some good tools (God’s Design for Sex printed by NavPress) I think we have handled the questions fairly well.   We lived through the “announcing in the grocery line what body parts everyone has or doesn’t have.”  I didn’t have a heart attack when Bryan sat down and had the “talk” with Samuel.  We managed our years in China where the children wear split pants so that it all hangs out.  (No, we did not embrace that part of the culture!  And yes, I still wonder how little boys don’t freeze off their potential future children during the winter.)

All of those notches in my belt, you would think we could handle the recent string of questions.  But the new direction of our talks have brought me to tears on more than one occasion. (Hormones from the paper pregnancy maybe…)

The topic of conversation around our house now is “do you get babies by doing paperwork?”  I actually remember Ruthie asking that same question when we were going through the adoption process for Beth.  Actually, Ruthie’s kindergarten teacher sent a note home that she and her friend (whose mom was pregnant at the time) got into an argument on the playground.

Ruthie – “You get a new baby by doing paperwork!”

Friend – “I haven’t seen my mom and dad doing any paperwork.”

Frantic K teacher interrupts the conversation!

Presently, we have a little girl who knows we did paperwork to bring her home and is asking why we didn’t do paperwork for Ruthie and Samuel.  We have been very open with our sweet girl – explaining adoption.  We thought it had sunk in until she asked us if we could adopt her best friend from school so they could be “twins.”  Hmmm.  Back to her adoption story again with a few more details and a bit more pain.  Which has brought on more questions –  how are we are able to do paperwork to bring Isaac home?  How does he need a family?  Could anyone do papers to bring him home?  How is our family lucky enough to do the papers?  Could someone do papers to take Sam, Ruth or Beth from our house?  BIG questions for a little person.

To be honest, I don’t know how our family is being SO BLESSED as a result of the deep pain of a birthmother who couldn’t parent and the trauma of a child who is abandoned.  It haunts me at times.  How do I explain all that to my adoring daughter?  I am afraid NavPress hasn’t written a book about that.  It is a question I will hold in my heart for a lifetime and hope God is able to answer it for me and my sweet Asian children when I see Him in heaven.