family – Page 6 – Casting A Stone

The Leg – Surgery it is

Posted on June 27, 2015June 27, 2015 by Tammy

Surgery has been scheduled for July 9th. Although it is a bummer that Little Man needs surgery, we really are seeing God’s provision in how all the details are falling in to place. His team of doctors in the States were able to review all of the information we sent them from here and they have concluded that there is a 90% chance that surgery will be needed. So we are getting ready.

The surgeon “happened” to have a slot for the surgery the morning after our already scheduled appointment so they switched it to a pre-op appointment and surgery will happen the next morning. Provision for sure!

The procedure is routine in the States – a bone reconstruction in his limb or in the words of our family “the doctors are going to fix the booboo in Little Man’s stub so that he can wear his prosthetic again!” That is what matters. It is killing our little guy not to be able to wear his leg. He likes to be on the move! I am afraid the frustration of immobility will be a theme for the next month if not more, but in the end he should be more comfortable than ever.

Our summer plans really are on hold while we seek the best care for Little Man. We had hoped to do a lot of visiting and speaking – now we might be making a lot of phone calls. We hope that you all will understand our lack of visits this time around as we focus on getting our little guy up and running again.

We for sure will be keeping you posted on how he is doing and how the process goes. I would love to hear any suggestions on how to entertain an active four year old while in the hospital!

Against the Norm – Leg Update

Posted on June 20, 2015 by Tammy

We live in a city where you often see adults with limb differences lying on street corners. They might be playing an instrument, singing, or painting characters with a paintbrush between their teeth. What they all have in common is a metal bowl sitting next to them to collect small bills. They beg for a living. People stand around and stare.

Our family gets stared at a fair amount, but it has intensified the past few weeks. People just don’t know what to do with us…we don’t all look the same and we go against the cultural norm. (Where we live, staring is not considered impolite. When you don’t know what to do with something, you just stare at it.) Usually, I take the stares in a stride. It is part of living here. I hate to admit that the past few weeks have been harder for me. The momma bear in me raises her ugly head when it is my son’s leg that is being stared at.

We were out for an evening walk in our loaner stroller (High five to a great expat community who is coming to our aid and helping us with our needs!) when we came past two grannies sitting on a bench. They live in our apartment complex and I have seen them a few times. I knew right away that they wanted to talk about Little Man’s leg. I started to bristle until my sweet four year old reached his hand over to the woman. They held hands as we talked.

“What happened to his leg?” she asked, and I answered with our standard reply, “He was born this way.”

“Oh, you are such a good person.” Again, I have a standard response for this common statement. “No. He is a good person and I am happy to have him in our family.”

“He is your son?”

“Yes, we have four children.”

This is where the conversation took a twist. Usually the conversation turns to how crazy I am to have so many children and how tired I must be! HA! I have a standard reply for that conversation too! Instead, my son, interrupted.

“Want to see my booboo? I can walk, but I am hurt right now.” I guess the English word booboo translates into Chinese because she understood! 🙂 He pulled up his pant leg and stuck out his residual limb to this unsuspecting granny. I felt myself cringe and I prepared my heart for the look of horror that would most likely come across her face. I had seen it so many times as folks stood around staring at us, staring at his missing leg.

That granny….she leaned down looked at his leg and while holding his hand said, “I am sorry you are hurt.”

Tears sprang to my eyes at the sweet, gentle nature of this old woman. To add to the healing power her words had on my soul, she looked up at me and said, “This boy will bring so much music to your home.”

I laughed as she told my son to be thankful he had a home to play music in and he would never play music on the street. Only a Chinese granny can be sweet and then fuss at you in the same sentence!

We live in a city where limb difference is equated with life on a street corner. To the man who helped me carry the large stroller off the bus, to the mom at the bus stop who told her son not to stare, to the granny who held my son’s hand…thank you. Thank you for going against the cultural norm.

Update: Little Man is doing much better.

The sore on his leg is finally starting to heal and this momma is breathing easier after two phone calls to our team of doctors in the States. I can’t say enough about Shriner’s Hospital in Tampa. They are just amazing! We still are unsure what the next month will hold, but we are confident that Little Man will have the best of care. This coming week the surgeon is reviewing x-rays that we sent to him from here. High five to technology!

The antibiotics are done, the pain has subsided, now the hardest part for our little guy…not being able to wear his prosthetic! It is hard for such an active guy to be slowed down. Thank you to everyone who is pr.ying for him!

Not an Issue

Posted on June 17, 2015 by Tammy

Having a child with a limb difference is a total non-issue, except when there is an issue. I mean, I often forget that Little Man only has one leg. In the morning he puts on an extra sock, a limb sleeve and a plastic leg. I don’t think about it again until bed time when we take it all off. We would never call him disabled and most of our neighbors, until recently, had no idea that he was any different than the other children who play around campus.

… and then a sore appears.

The last few weeks we have struggled with what seem to be minor sores on Little Man’s residual limb. Even a tiny sore can keep him from being able to wear his prosthetic and an infection in a sore becomes a concern. This really is the first time we have dealt with any of this, which doesn’t help. We are new at this, trying to figure out the best way to care for our boy with our doctors living on the other side of the globe.

We are thankful for the American doctors who live in our city who have helped us keep the infection at bay. We are also very thankful that we had planned a trip to the States to see his medical team.

We are not sure what those doctor appointments will lead to. Right now the sore is not getting worse, but not healing which might be the result of many different things – his need for surgery or that his prosthetic hasn’t been fitting well.

So our summer plans are shaping up a bit differently than we had planned, but it is a small road bump. We know it will all go back to a non-issue soon. Until then, we would appreciate your pr@yers for extra grace, wisdom to make decisions about his care, and a speedy recovery.

For now we are struggling with an active pre-schooler who is suddenly immobile, which creates for some interesting moments and some challenging decisions.

We have begun the quest to find a stroller for a heavy, growing, pre-schooler with on leg. A new stroller is a must on our shopping list for the States because our cheap umbrella stroller just isn’t cutting it any longer. Who knew there were so many types of strollers! And, I am pretty sure they cost more than my first car! Okay, maybe not that much, but it sure feels like it! Wisdom. I truly need stroller wisdom! We are pr@ying the wheel of our stroller stays on for the next three weeks till we get to the States to buy a new one, and in the mean time Little Man is enjoying many piggyback rides. He calls himself “Agent W” because he “flies” around on our backs! Can you believe that Little Monkey can carry him?

We also need wisdom and grace as we interact with our neighbors and friends. Out on our family walk after dinner we had a woman stop us and with utter shock tell us that our son had lost his leg! We laughed so hard! We just couldn’t help it. We have had many folks ask us what happened to his leg, but never had anyone tell us it was missing! 🙂 We know it is gone and we love him the way he is. We would appreciate your thoughts as we strive to communicate that to those around us.

We will keep you posted on how his leg is healing, our next steps for his care and the funny stories that come up as we go along! Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts!

Another Year

Posted on June 11, 2015June 11, 2015 by Tammy

A lego set being put together, a blanket tent in the living room, audio books and an afternoon baseball game all mean the same thing….homeschool is done for another year and my kids are enjoying their free time today. We haven’t just survived 7th, 5th, 2nd and pre-school…could I say that we have thrived this year without sounding prideful? I am proud of what I have learned as a homeschool parent and am thrilled to see how the kids are advancing.

It has become a yearly tradition to post the milestones of each child at the end of our school year. Here goes for 2015!

Little Man our 4 year old pre-school graduate

biggest accomplishment: knows all the letter sounds, knows all the books of the Bible and stopped sucking his thumb!

favorite food: noodles

What he wants to be when he grows up: a race car driver

I am kinda against homeschooling pre-school….but, he wanted workbooks to use when the other kids were doing school work. I gave in and bought him workbooks. It is crazy how much he has learned just by “sitting in” and listening to the big kids. I really think we could not school him at all. The last one is the easiest….I guess! 🙂

Little Monkey or 2nd grade graduate

biggest accomplishment: reading everything she can get her hands on! We also are proud of her for pushing through her shyness to take an art and dance class.

favorite book: Pippy Longstocking

favorite food: a Chinese dish made from sliced potatoes and rice of course.

What she wants to be when she grows up: a baker or a teacher

Proud of this girl who is learning to be more independent. Her favorite thing is still to be close to mom. She is our rule following, stable, steady one. She is stepping outside of the box and creating things with legos without a manual and she loves to go on adventures through reading in books.

Roo our 5th grade graduate

biggest accomplishment: she fell in love with science through astronomy this year. She also continues to improve her artistic abilities adding music via piano to the mix.

favorite book: The Bronze Bow

favorite food: dumplings (the Chinese kind not the southern kind)

what she wants to be when she grows up: a beautician or an artist

It is crazy how artistic this girl is. She is always thinking outside of the box and pushing to do it like no one else. She and little monkey truly are best friends and they compliment each other so well. She loves listening to audio books as she is painting. We finally found a spelling curriculum that has helped her (and her mom) – Spell U See. Love it.

Soccer Dude our 7th grade graduate

biggest accomplishment: He has always hated writing, but this year decided for every writing assignment he would write a poem….because they are shorter! HA! Turns out he really can write some amazing poetry.

favorite pass time: training and playing with his lovebirds

Soccer Dude is our history buff and he loves reading anything he can get his hands on. It seems so crazy that we are starting to plan for High School. But then again, I knew this was coming….it is taking me longer and longer to prep his lessons. There are a lot of cob-webs I have needed to dust out to remember what I learned in 7th grade! We are planning on him doing North Star next year. We are hoping this online school might be a good fit for him and will be what he does for High School.

I close with sharing one of his poems with you.

I Made a Big Decision – by Soccer Dude

I made a big decision a little while ago.
I don’t remember what it was, which probably goes to show
That many times a simple choice can prove to be inconsequential
Even though it might seem essential.

I must have been distracted when I left home because
Left or right – I’m sure I went (I wonder which it was!)
Anyway, I never veered; I walked in that direction
Utterly absorbed, it seems, in quiet introspection.

For no reason I can think of, I’ve wandered astray
And that is how I got here today.

Unexpected guest

Posted on June 2, 2015June 4, 2015 by Tammy

We had talked about it. Prayed about it. Wondered when the right time would come…and then it just happened. We began our journey as foster parents. The foster care director at the orphanage called with a need for short-term care for 1.5 year old little girl, who we happen to know and adore. Her foster parents needed to travel for work before her adoptive family could complete her adoption.

But there is more to the story.

Let me go back to my first day in the orphanage after a three year break. I was given the full tour that day. So much had changed including how open and accepting the nannies and teachers were of my presence. Part of that tour included the baby room. I had never stepped foot in that room. I was trying hard to keep my wits about me as I was handed a new baby brought in that very week.

“You have experience with your son with one leg. You have four children. This new baby has no ears and isn’t eating well. What do you think?”

What did I think? I was in awe over the tiny perfect little girl who was new to the orphanage. We shared something – both the newbies. I have prayed for her ever since, expecting great things for her.

She is our first foster daughter.

Full circle.

We share something.

This time I am the lone newbie. To her I am just another stop along the wait for her forever family. Poor baby. She is my guinea pig. I really am not sure how to do this foster care thing. Loving this little girl is nothing like I have done before. I am caring for her as if she is my own, knowing that she is a guest. It is the ultimate act of hospitality and through her I am seeing a new side of love. It is hard, but it is good.

Little Man wasn’t so sure about inviting another little into our mix, but he now is asking, “Do we really have to give her to someone else to be adopted? We are a forever family!”

She is teaching us that you can love someone like family for as long as G.d places them in our lives. She is reminding me that I love babies and showing us that five kids isn’t too many! She, for sure, is keeping me on my toes as she darts around our house and tries to climb our bookshelves, smirking all the while. She is breaking my heart as she grieves the changes. She melts my heart as she pats my arm while I give her night time bottle, and she makes me feel old as I walk the floor with her in the night.

But more than anything…she is reminding our family that we love not to get something in return, but because He first loved us.

Learning to love again…like a newbie.

Introducing….

Posted on March 31, 2015March 31, 2015 by Tammy

As I was handing out high-fives and saying goodbye to my Thursday art class, one of my favorite students, a 13 year old boy, handed me a note. It was a torn corner from a piece of notebook paper. “Does your son read Chinese? Please give this to him.” So sweet, right?! When I delivered it to Soccer Dude at the dinner table, I had no idea what the words on that paper would do to my heart.

“May I come to your house to play and visit your family?” was the request scrawled across that torn paper. As Hubby read the words out loud to our family, I began to ~~cry~~ sob. My kids looked at me in dismay as I was loosing it over a playdate request. But, it seemed like so much more.

By law in this country when you turn 14 you are no longer able to be adopted. I thought of this sweet 13 year old boy who wants to “visit” our family and it hit me so hard that visiting is all he would ever do. To him a family is something you visit, not something you have. That my friends is something to weep over. Something we need to fight against.

For the boy who handed me the note, it is to late. But for many others there is still time. Please pray with me for miracles. The miracle of a family for Manning and for the two waiting boys I will share with you today. “Jenning” an amazingly smart 10 year old boy who has overcome so many obstacles and 4 year old “Kipling” who seeps joy from his pores!

These children are able to be adopted through Children’s House International and the following information comes from CHI’s Waiting Children website.

Jenning’s current obstacle is finding a family before it is to late and I tell you what, he will be amazing in a family. There truly is something special about this boy! He is a kind, polite, strong and eager boy who has stayed with his foster family for 10 years now. He is doing very well in school. His special need is post-operative CHI, hyperdactyly of hands and feet. After four surgeries on his legs he can walk normally now, but his protective foster mother says that he should not walk too long! She said that his legs grow tired and can be painful. However, Children’s House International’s own caseworker, lives in Jenning’s city, has seen him a few times and notes that he seems to be able to climb, walk, run, and carry on normally without complaint. He is healthy and seldom catches any illness; even colds are rare with this hearty boy! He likes to eat noodles, and he especially likes spicy food, but is very unique in that he doesn’t really like rice. His favorite fruits are watermelon, pineapple.

When the CHI team observed him playing with the other kids at the orphanage, he was very outgoing and willing to help the younger ones. He was eager to get people’s attention and showed a bit of a sensitive side. His foster mother said he feels a little nervous when he visits the orphanage because he doesn’t like where he comes from and doesn’t want others to know, especially those at school. He wants to be just like the other kids, and he feels pained that he is not. After the surgeries that at long last enabled him to walk, his confidence level grew greatly. But he hasn’t forgotten the days when he could not walk. When he comes to activities at the orphanage, he has been seen taking special care of the younger children in wheelchairs, pushing them into the sunshine and trying to make them smile. I can just imagine how much joy and compassion will be added to a family when Jenning becomes a son! His birthday is in April. What a birthday gift to have a family committed to him when he turns 11!

Kipling, is described by the Children’s House International social worker as “JOY in a 4 year old body!” Kipling has been fostered since he was 4 months old. Kipling was born in May 2011 with a recessive cleft lip, brain scan difference and undescended testicle. His file doesn’t mention it, but he also seems to have low vision. Although these minor needs put together might seem daunting, don’t let them put you off. He is a laughing, smiling, singing, dancing bundle of lovable boy! He has lots of energy and seems to very much enjoy being in the spotlight. This is part of the exuberant exchange between the CHI team and Kipling. He came in to the room, greeted us warmly with a smile and a giggle, then set to work playing with blocks. When the team spoke with him to ask him questions, he would tread excitedly in one place, his little feet coming up and down in such joy that it was apparent he could hardly contain it! He was happy playing and liked to throw things on the floor to make noise, and he loves music. One of the orphanage staff played a very popular Chinese pop song, “You are my little apple” and Kipling was thrilled. He danced and sang the words of the song, missing very few. When cued by his foster mom he would shake his backside, and put his hands up in the air waiving them around in glee. He has two little cute dimples. When he was done performing he giggled and said, “Okay?” Our laughter only encouraged more dancing, singing and laughter. The CHI team was smitten!

If you would like more information about adopting these boys or other children who wait, contact me and I will gladly put you in touch with the right person at CHI to answer any questions you might have.

Encounter with a birthmother

Posted on March 22, 2015March 23, 2015 by Tammy

A simple encounter at the bus stop that rocked my soul.

I was waiting with three of our kiddos. Par for the course, they were playing and oblivious to all that was going around them. Picture a lot of laughter, noise and a bit of running around my legs. I was enjoying watching them play when I grew self-conscious that we were being watched.

Nothing new about that.

When out and about we are constantly watched. We hear comments like, “Four kids? Really?” and “Are they all yours?” and “They don’t all look like you. Two look like you and two look Chinese.” Usually I take it in a stride. I understand that for a population where one child is not just the norm but the policy, we are bound to draw out comments and stares.

But I had never heard this one.

A middle-aged couple was standing off to my left and I heard the woman comment to the man, “She could be our child.”

A wave of shock rolled over me and before I could think twice, I was starring into the woman’s eyes. I am positive she assumed I couldn’t speak Mandarin and wouldn’t understand the comment she made. To be honest, I wish I hadn’t understood her, looked up or reacted. When our eyes met – both mothers who understand grief and pain that should not exist in the world – the understanding in our eyes was full and real. She stepped around behind the bus stop and hid herself from me. I asked the children to stop playing so as not to make her pain more intense.

There is no possible way this woman was connected to our Little Monkey. Her birth place is hundreds of miles away. We were simply a symbol to this woman. Grief over what could have been? Wonder over what is? Hope that her child is in a family playing with siblings? A memory that had been hidden and now was pulled forward?

The encounter brought forward some emotions that I can forget in the daily routine and joy of life. My joy is someone else’s loss. Just because there are so many unanswered questions surrounding the early years of our adopted children doesn’t make them not exist. There are real people living lives with the memories of children who belonged in their arms.

Weekly, I see the reality of lonely hurting children who live their lives in an institution, and I want to question the people who chose not to care for them. Daily I am blessed by the love of two children who did not grow in my womb and sometimes I lose sight of the painful reality that the people who could not care for the ones I love now may still be out there wondering about them — wondering what their lives are like.

But it goes even deeper.

In relation to the majority of the world, I am a rich privileged woman. I have access to resources, health care, community support, and I have a voice. It stinks that the majority of women…mothers…in the world don’t have all of that…which at times result in some painful realities. It is injustice. When my children are playing around my legs and filling my life with laughter, I want to rage against a world where poverty is real and an injustice.

The woman at the bus stop – she brought my privilege up close and personal.

Those of us who are rich and privileged (dare I say that would be everyone reading this blog) we can do one of two things. Do something with our resources and ease the suffering of the orphans of the world and speak out against the injustice that creates orphans to begin with….or we can pretend.

Pretend.

I have looked into the eyes of orphans living in an institution. I have looked into the eyes of a suffering mother who can not parent her child.

I no longer can pretend.

Traditions & Changes

Posted on January 25, 2015January 25, 2015 by Tammy

We have entered a new season of parenting. It has slowly snuck up on us in small ways. At one time we enjoyed a silent apartment once all four kids when in bed by 7:30, I understood all of the Math in his school lesson and I was fussing over booster seats. The changes aren’t all bad. Now, I have a night owl who rattles off random facts from NPR and is a responsible babysitter. It’s just taking some getting used to and I am thinking through this next phase with our young man.

It is time to give him some more freedom – but the idea of that totally freaks me out. It is time to let him test out what we have been trying to plant in his heart – but I lay awake wondering if he has learned the lessons we have tried so hard to pass on. It is time to let him stay up passed 8, but ya’ll seriously, how do you get a private moment once you have a teen in the house?! sigh!

We don’t have all the answers. Tak’n it one day at a time, but what we have figured out….he might not need us hovering over him at bedtime, but when he does seek us out we need to drop everything to listen.

This prompted us to start a new family tradition. One on one time with his dad seemed like the best gift we could give soccer dude as he enters his teens. So they packed backpacks and went to a nature preserve in the south to celebrate Soccer Dude’s birthday.

They saw lots of pandas, ate hamburgers and just hung out.

I dreamt of them having deep conversations about what it means to be a man (I tend to be an idealist). That didn’t happen. But the shared jokes, memories and the idea that “I am worth dad taking time off to hang out with me” hopefully will have a lasting impact. (The girls are already planning the 13th birthday trip!)

It was a good reminder that we need to be spending one on one time with each of the four kids. Just being honest, we have great intentions, but with the business of life, homeschooling and work….it is one of the first things that slips.

5 more years, people.

That is what we have before this guy will be off to college. The first 13 years have gone so fast. I want to make the most of these years enjoying the fruit of what we have been working towards.

Soccer Dude made dinner the other night. He was frying eggs and pancakes for us. I walked past the kitchen door and he called out for me to watch him flip an egg in the air. As I watched him and laughed, I was taken back to the cafeteria at Asbury College.

There was a cute red head who was pretty proud of his skills. He could make a perfect omelet at the egg bar. (Yes, that is a thing.) Half way through he would flip that omelet in the air. I fell in love with that boy.

If Soccer Dude turns out like his dad…..I will be one thankful momma.

I am tempted to worry. How will he turn out? Are we teaching him the right things? Are we giving him what we can and pointing him to the One who can meet all of his needs? Will he get off track during these confusing teen years?

My goal is to turn my worries over and simply enjoy the next five years before he catches the eye of some sweet girl in a college cafeteria.

Some of our favorite things

Posted on January 4, 2015January 4, 2015 by Tammy

We have used the last days of our holiday break to do a few of our favorite things…hot pot and ~~ice skating~~ ice sledding. We might not have public playgrounds for kids or malls to walk around, but there are some fun things to pass the time in our city. Sledding and bike riding on the frozen lake is definitely high on our list of fun things.

Our family tradition is to eat hot pot on January 1st. Everybody gets a tiny soup type pot sitting in front of them and you cook your food in that pot. It is kinda like fondue, but even yummier! It also is a bit exciting with an active four year old. Little Man + a boiling pot + raw meat = entertainment that borders on danger.

Ice sledding…you might wonder what that is. In all my yankee days I have never seen anything like it. Sleds are fit with blades (like what are on ice skates). You use metal poles to push yourself around on the frozen pond. They also have bikes that run on blades and are propelled forward by peddling. Super fun but so hard to steer and stop. There is a theme to the fun in our city. It all tends to be border line on dangerous. Just kidding. Kinda.

Our Northern peeps really should think of starting a business with these sleds!

Anyone who wants to brave the cold and visit us in the winter, we will totally take you for spin on this lake!

Just another day

Posted on December 26, 2014December 27, 2014 by Tammy

It doesn’t matter how many years I live here, I will never get used to Christmas being just another work day (or get used to being away from family over the holidays. You might think we are great adventurers, but we do get homesick. Just say’n.) A few days before Christmas the stores put huge Santa head signs on the doors, but I am the only one shopping in the toy section for my kids. On Christmas eve many young adults go out to eat and fill the few western restaurants in our city which makes it feel like we are the only ones making a feast at home and reading the true story of Christmas.

How do we make it not just another day? We spend much time hosting and using every opportunity to share what the story of Christmas is about. We have had cookie decorating parties for Hubby’s students and for the kids at the orphanage. Sugar cookies are seriously one of my favorite foods, but I have made so many batches of them and baked them in our toaster oven sized oven (that would be 6-8 cookies at a time if you are counting. I was.) I can hardly stand the thought of eating one now! As much work as it was….we had a ton of fun sharing our holiday with all of our students.

So we might feel like we are on our own celebrating Christmas, but really we are not. There are several other expat families in our huge city. The holidays is a great excuse for us to come together and celebrate. Since we are from all over the world the ways we celebrate vary drastically, but that is part of the fun.

Our girls participated in Christmas plays at the international school and at our Sunday fellowship. Roo sang her first solo and rocked it. Soccer Dude had a christmas recital with the group he is learning guitar with and Little Monkey sang in a choir and had a line in the play. She worked at getting over her fear of the stage. Proud of them all.

Little Man was also supposed to be a sheep in one of the plays. I was starting to sweat the morning of the performance. “Mom I think I should be an elf who shakes his booty NOT a sheep. ” hmmmm. Then, a package came in the mail from my parents. The kids were thrilled with hats that my mom made for them. Little Man’s is a lion. “Mom do lions eat sheep? Now I know! I will be a lion in the play and see what the shepherds will do!” No matter what I said he walked around the apartment practicing his lion growl. I guess a growling lion/sheep is better than an elf/sheep who shakes his booty!? I was wondering what this loose cannon would do on the stage. In the end he got cold feet and took a nap. I won’t say that I was disappointed – relieved actually, to have another year before he has a live audience. This kid.

I might never get used to Christmas not being a holiday here, but it did save my tail when I forgot (again!) to buy batteries. Thankful for all the ways we were able to celebrate. Over and over again I was thinking of how JC is with us. Immanuel. What a special holiday.