Family – Page 7 – Casting A Stone

Traditions & Changes

Posted on January 25, 2015January 25, 2015 by Tammy

We have entered a new season of parenting. It has slowly snuck up on us in small ways. At one time we enjoyed a silent apartment once all four kids when in bed by 7:30, I understood all of the Math in his school lesson and I was fussing over booster seats. The changes aren’t all bad. Now, I have a night owl who rattles off random facts from NPR and is a responsible babysitter. It’s just taking some getting used to and I am thinking through this next phase with our young man.

It is time to give him some more freedom – but the idea of that totally freaks me out. It is time to let him test out what we have been trying to plant in his heart – but I lay awake wondering if he has learned the lessons we have tried so hard to pass on. It is time to let him stay up passed 8, but ya’ll seriously, how do you get a private moment once you have a teen in the house?! sigh!

We don’t have all the answers. Tak’n it one day at a time, but what we have figured out….he might not need us hovering over him at bedtime, but when he does seek us out we need to drop everything to listen.

This prompted us to start a new family tradition. One on one time with his dad seemed like the best gift we could give soccer dude as he enters his teens. So they packed backpacks and went to a nature preserve in the south to celebrate Soccer Dude’s birthday.

They saw lots of pandas, ate hamburgers and just hung out.

I dreamt of them having deep conversations about what it means to be a man (I tend to be an idealist). That didn’t happen. But the shared jokes, memories and the idea that “I am worth dad taking time off to hang out with me” hopefully will have a lasting impact. (The girls are already planning the 13th birthday trip!)

It was a good reminder that we need to be spending one on one time with each of the four kids. Just being honest, we have great intentions, but with the business of life, homeschooling and work….it is one of the first things that slips.

5 more years, people.

That is what we have before this guy will be off to college. The first 13 years have gone so fast. I want to make the most of these years enjoying the fruit of what we have been working towards.

Soccer Dude made dinner the other night. He was frying eggs and pancakes for us. I walked past the kitchen door and he called out for me to watch him flip an egg in the air. As I watched him and laughed, I was taken back to the cafeteria at Asbury College.

There was a cute red head who was pretty proud of his skills. He could make a perfect omelet at the egg bar. (Yes, that is a thing.) Half way through he would flip that omelet in the air. I fell in love with that boy.

If Soccer Dude turns out like his dad…..I will be one thankful momma.

I am tempted to worry. How will he turn out? Are we teaching him the right things? Are we giving him what we can and pointing him to the One who can meet all of his needs? Will he get off track during these confusing teen years?

My goal is to turn my worries over and simply enjoy the next five years before he catches the eye of some sweet girl in a college cafeteria.

No one Reads Them Books

Posted on January 17, 2015 by Tammy

They thought I had lost my marbles. I guess that isn’t anything new. Many of the things I ask of my sweet students and the now trusting Chinese teachers make them shake their heads. Did she really say…..? They wonder if it is my bad Chinese or one of my crazy ideas.

“Yes, yes I did just tell the children they could use car wash mitts and loofahs to paint…but first let’s have a bit of sensory fun!”

Once little hands were coxed inside the wash mitts that seemed to dwarf their tiny arms the giggles did not stop. Who knew a wash mitt could tickle so much. Some were thrilled to then thrust their new toys into the paint, others were’t as sure. The teachers themselves had their doubts and reminded me there would be a huge mess to clean up. I had prepared for their doubts over our unconventional paint brushes.

What I hadn’t prepared for…the blank stares when I pulled out a children’s book that had inspired our art lesson for the day. I forget. It isn’t as common for a Chinese parent to sit and read books to their children and for sure the children living at the Children’s Home were unaware there might be the luxury of a care-giver having the time and space to draw them into a lap for a story.

“They won’t listen.” one of the teacher’s told me.

“Then let them look” I defended.

“They can’t understand.”

“Then let us teach them”, I whined back.

I had similar conversations all week as I pulled out my book for each group of children.

There are moments that I forget the children in my classes are orphans. Seriously. I know that sounds almost as crazy as using a car mitt for a paint brush, but it is true. They are kids. They are like normal kids that you might have in any classroom.

Then it will hit me.

I will pull out a book and their stark reality will hit me in the face again.

No one reads them books.

Little Man’s favorite book at the moment is one of those “find the plane hidden in the picture” type books. I have read it so many times since my mom bought it for him in September (Yes, that would have been 5 months ago. Uhh, Thanks mom! Thanks a whole bunch.) I read it on auto pilot. I have gotten so sick of it. “Honey,” I try to reason with him, “you already know where all the planes are on the page!! It’s not even a great story and you know the ending!” See I am kinda crazy. I try to reason with a four year old. He will have nothing to do with it. His fat little finger flies over the page pointing out each hidden image (in order I might add) as I read the words…again.

His big sister offered to read the book to him this afternoon letting me off the hook, but somehow the book isn’t so bad anymore. I get to be the one who reads him a book. How cool is that?

No one reads them books. How sad is that?

What are we going to do about that?

Some of our favorite things

Posted on January 4, 2015January 4, 2015 by Tammy

We have used the last days of our holiday break to do a few of our favorite things…hot pot and ~~ice skating~~ ice sledding. We might not have public playgrounds for kids or malls to walk around, but there are some fun things to pass the time in our city. Sledding and bike riding on the frozen lake is definitely high on our list of fun things.

Our family tradition is to eat hot pot on January 1st. Everybody gets a tiny soup type pot sitting in front of them and you cook your food in that pot. It is kinda like fondue, but even yummier! It also is a bit exciting with an active four year old. Little Man + a boiling pot + raw meat = entertainment that borders on danger.

Ice sledding…you might wonder what that is. In all my yankee days I have never seen anything like it. Sleds are fit with blades (like what are on ice skates). You use metal poles to push yourself around on the frozen pond. They also have bikes that run on blades and are propelled forward by peddling. Super fun but so hard to steer and stop. There is a theme to the fun in our city. It all tends to be border line on dangerous. Just kidding. Kinda.

Our Northern peeps really should think of starting a business with these sleds!

Anyone who wants to brave the cold and visit us in the winter, we will totally take you for spin on this lake!

Just another day

Posted on December 26, 2014December 27, 2014 by Tammy

It doesn’t matter how many years I live here, I will never get used to Christmas being just another work day (or get used to being away from family over the holidays. You might think we are great adventurers, but we do get homesick. Just say’n.) A few days before Christmas the stores put huge Santa head signs on the doors, but I am the only one shopping in the toy section for my kids. On Christmas eve many young adults go out to eat and fill the few western restaurants in our city which makes it feel like we are the only ones making a feast at home and reading the true story of Christmas.

How do we make it not just another day? We spend much time hosting and using every opportunity to share what the story of Christmas is about. We have had cookie decorating parties for Hubby’s students and for the kids at the orphanage. Sugar cookies are seriously one of my favorite foods, but I have made so many batches of them and baked them in our toaster oven sized oven (that would be 6-8 cookies at a time if you are counting. I was.) I can hardly stand the thought of eating one now! As much work as it was….we had a ton of fun sharing our holiday with all of our students.

So we might feel like we are on our own celebrating Christmas, but really we are not. There are several other expat families in our huge city. The holidays is a great excuse for us to come together and celebrate. Since we are from all over the world the ways we celebrate vary drastically, but that is part of the fun.

Our girls participated in Christmas plays at the international school and at our Sunday fellowship. Roo sang her first solo and rocked it. Soccer Dude had a christmas recital with the group he is learning guitar with and Little Monkey sang in a choir and had a line in the play. She worked at getting over her fear of the stage. Proud of them all.

Little Man was also supposed to be a sheep in one of the plays. I was starting to sweat the morning of the performance. “Mom I think I should be an elf who shakes his booty NOT a sheep. ” hmmmm. Then, a package came in the mail from my parents. The kids were thrilled with hats that my mom made for them. Little Man’s is a lion. “Mom do lions eat sheep? Now I know! I will be a lion in the play and see what the shepherds will do!” No matter what I said he walked around the apartment practicing his lion growl. I guess a growling lion/sheep is better than an elf/sheep who shakes his booty!? I was wondering what this loose cannon would do on the stage. In the end he got cold feet and took a nap. I won’t say that I was disappointed – relieved actually, to have another year before he has a live audience. This kid.

I might never get used to Christmas not being a holiday here, but it did save my tail when I forgot (again!) to buy batteries. Thankful for all the ways we were able to celebrate. Over and over again I was thinking of how JC is with us. Immanuel. What a special holiday.

Thinking of all of you on the other side of the world and wishing you a blessed holiday season as well!

With us

Posted on December 25, 2014December 27, 2014 by Tammy

The fall art projects have transitioned into a month worth of Christmas. Not really sure where the weeks have gone, but I must say I am proud of my little artists who have turned out some fun projects and learned about Christmas as we went. Evergreen trees, ornaments, Santa and stockings then by the end of the month we got to the heart of Christmas. They took it all in asking great questions.

I was so blessed by our Christmas classes I didn’t think it could get any better. But it did.

After talking about our Christmas tree and making cookies I had the idea of bringing a class to our home to experience Christmas at another level. So on a whim, I asked permission to bring my class home with me. I wasn’t really expecting to be allowed so when the permission was granted I was surprised and thrilled.

My Thursday class got to know me on a whole new level and I them. There is something about a home visit that brings you closer. Each of the kids took photos in front of our Christmas tree, they frosted sugar cookies and exclaimed over their sweetness. I made pizza for them and we played games. But my favorite part was having them sitting around the living room watching Tom and Jerry with my four kids. For a few hours we were one big happy family.

It was the first time Little Monkey and Little Man had met my students. I wasn’t expecting their surprise over the wheel chairs filling our living room. Little Man asked, “Why do they have legs that don’t work?” His question shouldn’t have caught me off guard. Makes sense in his four year old brain. He is missing a leg so of course he needs help to walk, but all legs should work!

I explained people are all different and some people are born with working legs, some with legs that don’t work and some are born without legs.

I expected a follow-up conversation about special needs, but as always he was many steps ahead of me.

“Mom,” he said, “those boys need to be adopted. You know. You and Dad adopted me and then got me a leg so I could walk. A mom and dad is what they need.”

The idea of taking my students back to the Children’s home was hard at first. We handed them a small gift at the end of our time. They were thrilled but I felt that it was a cruel consolation prize. The words of my sweet four year old were resounding in my heart.

I love my son for having such confidence in his parents, but as I processed the afternoon I was drawn to the fact that parents wouldn’t meet all the needs of these kiddos just as I can’t meet all of Little Man’s needs. Although all children need and deserve parents, the answer is in the heart of Christmas. Immanuel. G- with us. He heals. He provides. He is.

Once again my sweet kiddos and students teach me, taking me deeper into the heart of Christmas. As I took the kids back to the Children’s Home I did it with peace knowing Immanuel is with them.

39

Posted on October 12, 2014 by Tammy

“So, old people keep on having birthdays? Seriously?”

That is the question that my loving four year old threw at me this morning. That boy. His timing is just perfect. At 39 that could sting a bit, but I have decided that with forty breathing down my neck – old is relative. On my 29th birthday I went and got my hair all chopped off thinking short and spiky hair would keep me looking young. For 39 I have decided to go a different way.

My girls set up a “spa” in their bedroom for me today. They drug in our comfy chair, had a bowl of hot water and marbles waiting for my feet and a display of nail polish ready. I happened upon them in the kitchen pulling out honey and a ripe banana that they were fix’n to use as a homemade face mask. These girls. They know how to be sweet, in very creative ways, to their momma.

I think it was as I was trying to hide my giggles at the thought of being smeared down with honey by my seven year old that I made the decision about 39. It is going to be the best year ever. As Little Monkey smeared cream into my face she gently told me, “Mom, if you don’t scrunch your forehead you might not notice those wrinkles.”

It’s unavoidable – isn’t it? We get old.

My grandma, one of my most favorite people in the whole wide world, once told me that the beauty of getting old is that you stop caring about some things and think about what is important. Now, the whole story. She was passing on this bit of wisdom to me as she ate Cheetos out of the bag using a toothpick (so her fingers wouldn’t get cheesy)!

The wisdom stands true.

For 39 I want to care about what is important. No crazy hair cuts for me this year. Instead, I am going to be crazy about the important things. It started with letting my girls smear goo on my face. Not sure where it will go from here, but I am looking forward to seeing where JC will take it.

Yes, dear son, old people keep having birthdays. Here’s to another year….the best yet.

Four whole years

Posted on September 18, 2014September 18, 2014 by Tammy

I have been feeling like tomorrow is a big day for us, but I was hesitant to say anything to our girl. Maybe it is just me.

But my doubts were put to rest as Little Monkey slipped her hand in mine while walking back from the market. “It’s been four years, right?” she asked me abruptly. It took me a beat to catch on to what she was referring to, but then I realized. She had been watching the calendar and processing along with me. As I nodded she said, “You know for four whole years you have stuck with me. Now we have been together longer than we have been a part.”

It took my breath away to hear her say those words out loud.

It is a big deal.

Crazy how life can change so much in four years. Healing has taken place, love has grown, and now it is hard to remember life without our Little Monkey. Maybe that is why four years seems like a big deal. We now remember more togetherness than we remember apartness. There are more memories as a family and pre-family memories (for good or bad) have dimmed.

I will never forget meeting our daughter for the first time. She was scared to death of us; we were the first white people she had ever seen and she later told us she thought we glowed! Such a brave almost four year old who was led into her new life that day. I don’t remember her tears, but I will never forget how she stared straight forward with a determined look on her grim little face. She looked so much older than her years.

I thought again today how she seems older than her years. I promised her brownies to celebrate the day we became a family. She smiled and said, “Family is the best present of all.”

This marks four years from a birth….the birth of our family as it is now. That is the gift we are celebrating tomorrow. Without her, without adoption, we wouldn’t know the depths of love and what family really can be.

A Magic Bean for Parenting

Posted on September 12, 2014 by Tammy

Can I just tell you what my eldest said during homeschool reading time this week?

We start our morning sitting around the living room reading. Great learning moment. Can you picture the kiddos lounging around curled up in fleece blankets coloring as they listen. Well that happens sometimes. Also there are mornings when I have two fighting over the same coloring book, another making such loud airplane noises I can’t hear myself think (and I am supposed to be reading) and the fourth is curled up in the fleece blanket with his back turned away from me.

Yesterday was one such morning.

I was trying to get us all back on track as I asked a question from our science reading to my son who seemed so disengaged. “So what can you tell me about the part of our brain called the medulla?”

Without missing a beat he rolled over and with a grin replied, “I just learned that the medulla is responsible for all my involuntary reactions….like when I want to hit my sisters.”

I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

Learning moment became even better as it evolved into a teachable moment. Wouldn’t it be great if the medulla in addition to controlling our breathing and blinking would control our attitudes and how we treat others?

More than anything I want my children to learn to bring Glory to our Father by being responsible people who love and serve others. I don’t know about you all, but I spend so much of my time and energy as a mom, striving toward that goal. It is a maddening goal….one that I wish I could control, but know that I can’t. You pour in hoping that it will stick, but realizing that ultimately it is up to these little people to make their own choices. Scary.

I wish there was some list that included a silver bullet that would make our job as parents easier. You know….10 ways to ensure your kids will become kind and responsible adults. I have read blogs by those titles. Yes, I do click on them….even though I know it is a bunch of whoeey. (I made that word up. like it?)

Let me tell you another story that stars my smarty pants eldest son.

We get two suitcases each as we travel from the States back to our home in Asia. You can imagine the conversations we have as we decide what to include. (With homeschool supplies I must admit the left over weight and space is minimal.) As we unpacked our treasures at the end of our summer excursion to the States my son proudly handed me an early birthday present. He bought me a waffle iron and put it in his carry on. He was so excited to have such a special gift for me; he couldn’t wait until October. “Mom,” he explained, “You don’t bring much for yourself, always packing things for our schooling, I wanted to bring something fun for you.” As I held that waffle iron in my hands and realized how many books my reader must have taken out of his suitcase to make space for this gift….I was overwhelmed.

We now make waffles for breakfast every Monday morning. As I pull that iron out and as we eat, I am reminded that kindness and selflessness are rooted in the heart of my pre-teen son.

There are some mornings that parenting is ‘pull your hair out’ hard. But I am learning not to look for a magic bean that will make it easier, but to stay the course and keep reminders in front of me that progress is being made. If I focus on the moments where I need to talk over the fighting, if I keep count of the times I say, “We are kind and respectful to each other,” if I despair on the mornings that attitudes are bad and my goal seems so far off….then I know myself, I would quit.

Instead I am making a list of the moments that I see G0d forming the hearts of my children. I am keeping that list in front of me as a marker of how far we have come and where we are going.

There’s a 4 year old in the house

Posted on September 3, 2014 by Tammy

“I was born in China. You adopted me and now I am four.” That is his story and he is repeating it to me over and over. Sometimes it ends with the question, “So now I am always four?” His little mind is working hard to wrap his brain around the milestones we have been celebrating.

Within two weeks of each other we celebrated Little Man’s birthday and the day he became a Williams.

Although he is a big boy, this Little Man still loves to crawl up into momma’s lap and suck his thumb. He was snuggled in yesterday, his birthday. We had said that we were going to read a book, but the morning had been filled with the excitement of some gifts….new legos and little toy planes. He flew those toys all over the house and now he was out of gas. The book in my lap was quickly forgotten and his eyes became heavy. I took the moment to rock my boy again realizing that such moments are quickly passing as he gets bigger. Those long legs already hang over my knees. Who knows how many more times he will ask, “will you hold me?”

I now have been holding him for two years. He spent two years without me and we have been working hard to make up the moments we missed. I don’t know what he looked like as he entered the world and there is a woman somewhere who held him then and wonders what he looks like now, four years later.

We sang happy birthday to him after dinner. When we began our pitchy version of the song he began to turn circles dancing to his birthday song. What joy. My heart was full as I watched him. Celebrating his life and the undeserving gift I have to be his mom.

We are back!

Posted on September 1, 2014 by Tammy

The horrors of jet lag. I swear hell might look like never ending jet lag. Oh, so painful! All in all our travels back east were uneventful and smooth. There was only one moment I about came unglued.

Only a crazy art teacher would pack a good chunk of our luggage allowance full of glue, glitter, Crayola, and craft sticks. One huge bottle of glitter would not fit in the suitcases. My sweet son stuck it in his carry on knowing his momma can go through a lot of glitter and there is non to be bought in our city.

It is the last flight in a Chinese airport that is known for its security measures, I was prepared. We had no liquids and confidently were waltzing through. Then….

They took my glitter!

Hey, Hey, Hey! That isn’t liquid or flammable I heard myself whining and then pleading with my sweet husband to come to my aid in defensive of the red glitter. How do you explain what glitter is to an officer who never has seen the likes of a 5 lb bottle of the stuff before!

I promise I won’t blow up your plane with it!

Meltdown was completely unneeded. The second round through the scanner machine thingy deemed it harmless and it was handed back to me. I noticed them raising an eyebrow at the crazy white woman and her glitter.

Jet lag is to blame for a lot of bad behavior….my whining included. That is my story and I am sticking to it.

We are back glitter and all so thankful to be “home.”

Now that jet lag is mostly behind us we are jumping back into life. The kids started homeschooling today and attended Chinese classes in the afternoon. Hubby had his first day of classes – three literature classes, two oral english classes and a weekly lecture are sure to keep him busy. I had my first meeting at the orphanage to set up classes too. It was a big day setting up the fall semester for the Williams clan.

One of the kids at the orphanage summed it up well. “So glad you are back. How about you start art class NOW.” Love that kid! I think he will get an extra scoop of glitter the first day of class!