blessed – Page 4 – Casting A Stone

Encounter with a birthmother

Posted on March 22, 2015March 23, 2015 by Tammy

A simple encounter at the bus stop that rocked my soul.

I was waiting with three of our kiddos. Par for the course, they were playing and oblivious to all that was going around them. Picture a lot of laughter, noise and a bit of running around my legs. I was enjoying watching them play when I grew self-conscious that we were being watched.

Nothing new about that.

When out and about we are constantly watched. We hear comments like, “Four kids? Really?” and “Are they all yours?” and “They don’t all look like you. Two look like you and two look Chinese.” Usually I take it in a stride. I understand that for a population where one child is not just the norm but the policy, we are bound to draw out comments and stares.

But I had never heard this one.

A middle-aged couple was standing off to my left and I heard the woman comment to the man, “She could be our child.”

A wave of shock rolled over me and before I could think twice, I was starring into the woman’s eyes. I am positive she assumed I couldn’t speak Mandarin and wouldn’t understand the comment she made. To be honest, I wish I hadn’t understood her, looked up or reacted. When our eyes met – both mothers who understand grief and pain that should not exist in the world – the understanding in our eyes was full and real. She stepped around behind the bus stop and hid herself from me. I asked the children to stop playing so as not to make her pain more intense.

There is no possible way this woman was connected to our Little Monkey. Her birth place is hundreds of miles away. We were simply a symbol to this woman. Grief over what could have been? Wonder over what is? Hope that her child is in a family playing with siblings? A memory that had been hidden and now was pulled forward?

The encounter brought forward some emotions that I can forget in the daily routine and joy of life. My joy is someone else’s loss. Just because there are so many unanswered questions surrounding the early years of our adopted children doesn’t make them not exist. There are real people living lives with the memories of children who belonged in their arms.

Weekly, I see the reality of lonely hurting children who live their lives in an institution, and I want to question the people who chose not to care for them. Daily I am blessed by the love of two children who did not grow in my womb and sometimes I lose sight of the painful reality that the people who could not care for the ones I love now may still be out there wondering about them — wondering what their lives are like.

But it goes even deeper.

In relation to the majority of the world, I am a rich privileged woman. I have access to resources, health care, community support, and I have a voice. It stinks that the majority of women…mothers…in the world don’t have all of that…which at times result in some painful realities. It is injustice. When my children are playing around my legs and filling my life with laughter, I want to rage against a world where poverty is real and an injustice.

The woman at the bus stop – she brought my privilege up close and personal.

Those of us who are rich and privileged (dare I say that would be everyone reading this blog) we can do one of two things. Do something with our resources and ease the suffering of the orphans of the world and speak out against the injustice that creates orphans to begin with….or we can pretend.

Pretend.

I have looked into the eyes of orphans living in an institution. I have looked into the eyes of a suffering mother who can not parent her child.

I no longer can pretend.

Some of our favorite things

Posted on January 4, 2015January 4, 2015 by Tammy

We have used the last days of our holiday break to do a few of our favorite things…hot pot and ~~ice skating~~ ice sledding. We might not have public playgrounds for kids or malls to walk around, but there are some fun things to pass the time in our city. Sledding and bike riding on the frozen lake is definitely high on our list of fun things.

Our family tradition is to eat hot pot on January 1st. Everybody gets a tiny soup type pot sitting in front of them and you cook your food in that pot. It is kinda like fondue, but even yummier! It also is a bit exciting with an active four year old. Little Man + a boiling pot + raw meat = entertainment that borders on danger.

Ice sledding…you might wonder what that is. In all my yankee days I have never seen anything like it. Sleds are fit with blades (like what are on ice skates). You use metal poles to push yourself around on the frozen pond. They also have bikes that run on blades and are propelled forward by peddling. Super fun but so hard to steer and stop. There is a theme to the fun in our city. It all tends to be border line on dangerous. Just kidding. Kinda.

Our Northern peeps really should think of starting a business with these sleds!

Anyone who wants to brave the cold and visit us in the winter, we will totally take you for spin on this lake!

A crown on their heads

Posted on October 23, 2014 by Tammy

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” Mother Teresa

When there are children without families living in an institution, it feels ridiculous to think that some foam stickers can help. But this week, the truth “small things done in great love” hit home again.

Honestly, I was looking for an easy-peasy craft to do with the kids this week. There is a huge remodeling project going on at the orphanage and the classrooms have all been moved, combined, and packed up to accommodate. I wasn’t sure what I would find or where my classes would meet, which meant a huge messy paint project might not be the best of ideas.

It was time to pull out a simple go to craft and use some of the super fun foam stickers some visitors brought us this summer. I had no idea that foam crowns could be greeted with such enthusiasm. I pulled out the crowns in my first class and the children clapped. I was taken back. Really? The project I feared would take half a class period was met with great focus and concentration. The kids dug through the stickers looking for the perfect ones and meticulously placed them. The Chinese teacher ran for a mirror as I hot glued the completed creations. That is when I was truly floored.

I placed the crowns on the heads of my sweet students and watched their countenance transform. They beamed.

The children took turns telling each other how beautiful they looked and then they voted as a class on whose crown was the best. We even used the last moments of class for the children to line up for a class photo. The joy didn’t stop as class ended. Foster parents came to pick up their charges gasped at the students who had been transformed into royalty. “Wow! Who gave you a crown? You look beautiful.” As I took it all in, I realized that one of my heart felt goals was being accomplished…unintentionally. The children felt special, worthy, valued and wanted. I beamed.

Later that day I was invited into the infant nursery. A two year old boy, who is more like an infant due to his special needs, was placed in my arms. He leaned his tiny head into the crock of my arm and my body instinctively bounced him gently side to side. Within minutes he was asleep. The nanny shook her head with a sad grin, “as soon as they are held they sleep.”

As I gazed into his sleeping face one of the foster care workers commented, “He is unwanted. No one will ever adopt him.”

I wanted to argue with her, but deep down I knew the truth of her words. His needs are severe. He will never leave this place. But it is only half truth.

I know the One who is Creator and Redeemer. That baby boy is not unwanted or unloved. There will be a day when a crown is placed on his head. He will be whole, happy, healed and know the love of our Father. Oh, what a glorious day that will be.

Until that day, rocking that sweet boy to sleep is like a bit of heaven on earth.

Four whole years

Posted on September 18, 2014September 18, 2014 by Tammy

I have been feeling like tomorrow is a big day for us, but I was hesitant to say anything to our girl. Maybe it is just me.

But my doubts were put to rest as Little Monkey slipped her hand in mine while walking back from the market. “It’s been four years, right?” she asked me abruptly. It took me a beat to catch on to what she was referring to, but then I realized. She had been watching the calendar and processing along with me. As I nodded she said, “You know for four whole years you have stuck with me. Now we have been together longer than we have been a part.”

It took my breath away to hear her say those words out loud.

It is a big deal.

Crazy how life can change so much in four years. Healing has taken place, love has grown, and now it is hard to remember life without our Little Monkey. Maybe that is why four years seems like a big deal. We now remember more togetherness than we remember apartness. There are more memories as a family and pre-family memories (for good or bad) have dimmed.

I will never forget meeting our daughter for the first time. She was scared to death of us; we were the first white people she had ever seen and she later told us she thought we glowed! Such a brave almost four year old who was led into her new life that day. I don’t remember her tears, but I will never forget how she stared straight forward with a determined look on her grim little face. She looked so much older than her years.

I thought again today how she seems older than her years. I promised her brownies to celebrate the day we became a family. She smiled and said, “Family is the best present of all.”

This marks four years from a birth….the birth of our family as it is now. That is the gift we are celebrating tomorrow. Without her, without adoption, we wouldn’t know the depths of love and what family really can be.

Fallen off the edge of the earth?

Posted on August 23, 2014 by Tammy

Since I haven’t posted in weeks, I am sure you assume I have fallen off of the edge of the earth. Nope. Just traveled around it and we are now heading back again!

At the beginning of July we flew to the States with the main goal of getting Little Man a new prosthetic leg made. (Totally need to blog about that process, but we will save that for another time.) He now is proudly cruising on new toes! Mission accomplished, but that isn’t the whole story. The side benefits of needing to come stateside for medical reasons – well they were numerous, to numerous to list, but I might give you a few of the highlights.

Little Monkey got to see the Great Wall for the first time on our way out of the country. She had mentioned the grievance that the Chinese members of our family had not seen the Great Wall. A day hiking the wall was our remedy and it was all she had hoped for and then some.

2. Hang’n with the grandparents was a highlight for all of us. Being spoiled with favorite foods, riding four-wheelers, tagging along “helping” and chattering non-stop makes for some great summer memories!

3. The beach. Nothing else needs to be said. No photo needed since I was in a bathing suit! 😉

4. Connecting with friends. I can’t tell you how many times I was in tears this summer over the joy of friendship. You can’t beat good friends who support you, love you and pray over you. We are blessed. Here are two examples – great friends I was in Bible study with 10 years ago! The sweet fellowship continues.

5.Simpson Park Camp meeting was a time of peace and renewal for me. The few days we camped there were filled with such sweet times. Love that place. Every furlough should include some time soaking in the goodness of a campmeeting!

6. I met my new niece! The one weekend we were around and this sweet, obedient, little one arrived as if on cue! Okay, her mom might not say that, but her Aunt was thrilled by her delay! Thank you for coming into the world just in time for us to welcome you, precious!

7. Making it to the Hurley family reunion. It was so fun to see cousins that I hadn’t seen in years and years and then to watch as our children became friends. Priceless.

8. Worm guts, blue gill and gnats usually wouldn’t make any highlights list, but enjoying the great outdoors in the country – well I needed that! I am ready now to go back to our city life after soaking in some country.

Thinking I should make this a good top ten list, but then who can stop at ten? It has been a great summer, but we are now ready to return. Looking forward to a new season.

Going out

Posted on June 8, 2014June 9, 2014 by Tammy

Butterflies in my stomach…I have had them ever since I was called in for a meeting at the orphanage. Children’s Day (like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day in the States) was quickly approaching and they asked me to help make it special for the kids. It was the first time they asked me for help. Usually it is the other way around….I offer help and see if they approve it or even want it. This was a huge deal for them to approach me and I was excited, but really nervous wanting to do well.

We planned two events for kids this past week with the help of some international students who are visiting Hubby’s university. Couldn’t have done it without these students who served and loved well! They blessed my socks off!

On Children’s Day – when the park was filled to the max with families taking their children to the park – we also loaded up 12 taxis filled with volunteers and children. Each volunteer was matched with a child for the afternoon to be their buddy. The orphanage staff choose the 20 children we could take to the park and I was thrilled to see that the list consisted mainly of kiddos who don’t get a chance to get out often – kids with severe autism, kids that are blind and kids who were unable to walk. It all made this momma sweat a bit thinking of being responsible for them. Any doubts I had flew from my mind as we wheeled them out of the orphanage. One boy, who I often feed dinner to on Monday and Fridays, called out “Kai Xin” (happy) over and and over as we placed a hat on his head and took him out into the sunshine. In that moment I would have signed over every Sunday afternoon for orphanage outings if they had asked me!

The afternoon wouldn’t have been listed as the best ever Children’s Day in the book of most children. The group wheeled the kids around the park, we played with bubbles and finished the afternoon with a special yogurt treat and a Hersey’s kiss. The kids were content to watch people walk by and to have one on one attention for the day. They were not content with only one Hersey’s kiss! Note to self to sneak in chocolate treats more often!

The second outing came about after another meeting. Word had gotten around that I had some friends helping with an outing for Children’s Day. The foster care department then asked me to help them with an outing for the foster families. If I was nervous about the first request….well this one gave me a heart attack. They asked us to plan interactive games and to train foster families how to play with children to promote physical and mental stimulation. “We know Americans parent differently and are very accepting of disabilities…show us what you do.” Ummm, yeah. No pressure. Heehehe.

The second outing was even better than the first….for me at least. We had planned games using a parachute, exercises based on the Eric Carle book “Head to Toe” and sidewalk chalk art (of course!) – but it wasn’t the planned activities going well that made the day a huge hit for me. In the midst of the party we were having at the park, I looked around at the 30ish foster families and their children and was overwhelmed.

These families are caring for children – day in and day out – with needs like spinal bifida, limb differences, and blindness….just to name a few. They are going against the cultural norm and loving children who have been set aside. One foster mother told me about the 17 children she has cared for till their adoptions to the United States and then introduced me to the sweet one she is caring for now. With love she told me how this two year old girl still can’t walk, “but I have hope for her!” Wow. What love. What sacrifice.

Over the afternoon I felt such a deep connection with these families who look different from the average Chinese family. As I gave them a book and a bubble wand at the end of the afternoon I was wishing it was so much more. I wanted to hug them tight and whisper in their ears – “well done!”

Because they gave me a gift. I don’t feel as alone anymore.

I often look around the orphanage and see a need that is oppressive. This week I realized that some times the need can be met with something as simple as an outing to the park. I also have met a whole new set of friends who are battling the needs right along with me.

So glad I ignored the butterflies and pushed through.

Blessed.

Homeschool wrap up

Posted on June 5, 2014June 5, 2014 by Tammy

It is 10 a.m. and I am sipping a cup of coffee and munching on a cookie. Ahhh. Lazy mornings of summer have arrived and I am so thankful. I think I need the break from homeschooling as much or more than the kiddos do, but I am glad to report that I am not in a place of desperation. This has been a great year of homeschooling and I think for the first time I have loved it. It has only taken me five years to hit a stride – a place where the kids are thriving and so am I.

I have begun planning for next year….ordering curriculum and prepping to school four kiddos (yikes!) Before I can turn to much attention to our next season of school, I want to recap how far the kiddos have come.

Soccer Dude: my 6th grade graduate!

Favorite subject: “If I had to choose something besides reading, I guess it would be math.” (We are loving Teaching Textbooks around here! He still reads so much that it is difficult keeping him supplied in books. Praise God for the Kindle!)

Most improved: His Chinese skills have blown me away. He can sit down and read entire paragraphs of Chinese characters putting me to shame. He has his daddy’s aptitude for languages.

Hobbies: training his pet birds, learning computer coding

This summer I would like to: go fishing

Roo: my 4th grade graduate!

Favorite subject: art and music

Most improved: She has fallen in love with reading this year! What a joy to find her hiding in a fort finishing up the last chapter of a book! Her favorite book is”From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler” She mostly likes reading on the Kindle….”because you can read a long chapter book and not even know it. On the Kindle you don’t see how thick and scary a book might seem.”

What I want to do this summer: learn to play the piano

What do you want to be when you grow up: a hair dresser just like Nana used to be. (The girl knows I need help with haircuts!)

Little Monkey: my 1st grade graduate!

Favorite subject: Everything!

Favorite food: rice

Most improved: She went from sounding out letters to reading chapter books! (I must admit that homeschooling 1st grade is one of my favorites! It is so rewarding to teach a child to read!) Her favorite books are Henry and Mudge.

What I want to do this summer: eat at Chick-fil-A and go to a water park.

What do you want to be when you grow up: a gymnasts and ballerina who plays the flute.

Little Man: is graduating to a larger prosthetic leg!

Favorite subject: Disney planes, coloring and reading Cars books

Most improved: He is coloring in the lines, is a verbal dude who now can ride a tricycle without his prosthetic being strapped to the peddle.

What he wants to do this summer: eat ice cream and go for wagon rides.

What do you want to be when you grow up: “I don’t want to be big. I will always be your baby.” (No I didn’t prompt him to say that. Yes, it made me cry a little and he will now get double dessert!)

Priceless

Posted on May 6, 2014May 6, 2014 by Tammy

When I was in High School I babysat….a lot. I loved those three kids like they were my own sister and brothers and dreamt of a day that I would be the mom. I burnt their canned ravioli, figured out how to change diapers and to give baths (although there were many times I seemed to need every towel in the cabinet to get it done). I learned that you shouldn’t leave a baby on a counter who might roll and figured out the art of pretending that I knew what to do even when I was clueless.

Just thinking about those babysitting days and how grateful my children should be that they were spared the many mistakes that I learned in my teens. I never have let another child roll from a counter top….thank you AJ Lobb.

Now I am the mom. It is a job that isn’t over after a few hours and I don’t get paid $2.50 an hour.

I didn’t know that being a mom meant breaking up a fight for the millionth time and that I would need to be a detective to find out who broke the cup that was hidden behind a dresser. I had no idea that I would need to be a counselor when faced with a spelling word meltdown (ok, honestly it was me having the meltdown over the spelling list not one of the kiddos, but still.) Cook, nurse, friend, teacher….I have decided that there is good reason mom’s are worth more than $2.50.

I hauled the kids out on campus for photos. I had it in my mind that I needed some new photos of my sweet babies to celebrate mother’s day. They had it in their minds that I was being sappy.

I downloaded the photos and began to edit and I could hardly stand it. (Sappy as charged.) Looking at their smiling faces (okay and a few grumpy “aren’t we done yet” poses) it hit me again how blessed I am. I feel like my heart walks around outside of my body….a piece with each one of these precious four.

Priceless.

Somedays I get tired of being referee, maid, dentist, coach mom, but those are the days that I have forgotten to slow down and take a good look at my four crazies.

So for Mother’s Day this is what I want…..a good look so I can remember. Motherhood is priceless and I don’t ever want to take my four blessings for granted.